How Is Your Self-Esteem? It's Critical.

If one were to ask what single characteristic that makes you attractive to others, it would be self-esteem. Self-esteem, as defined by Nathaniel Branden in "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem," is the reputation one has with him or herself. The criteria which we unconsciously judge ourselves and which makeup our self-esteem is two fold:

1. The first is self efficacy, which is our perceived ability to deal with the basic requirements of life; i.e., competence.

2. The second is self respect, which is the degree to which we feel deserving of happiness, receiving the rewards of our efforts and how steadfast we are in defending our boundaries.

Branden gives us six basic pillars, which if worked on with sufficient effort will increase one's self-esteem. These are:

1. The practice of living consciously

2. The practice of self acceptance

3. The practice of self responsibility

4. The practice of self assertiveness

5. The practice of living purposefully

6. The practice of personal integrity

While I won't break down each of these in detail, when I work with clients, I preach many of these pillars in one way or another.

Branden explains that even the smallest improvements in any one of these pillars can lead to massive shifts on one's overall self-esteem.

Improvements happen in two steps. The first is asking, what do I want? And the second asks, what must I do? First, the conceptualization, then the execution.

It is with the execution step that one receives the reward of a boost in self-esteem. It isn't necessarily the successful execution of the action step, but an honest, committed attempt.

For example, if you have approach anxiety and you finally work up the courage to ask for a promotion or meet a high-potential contact, the reward received is substantial.

This execution, essentially imprinted your subconscious saying that you are willing to put yourself in harm's way in order to experience what you want, because you believe you are worthy of that experience. This is the basis for courage. This is why blasting through your fears can become an addiction for some people. The boost in dopamine and serotonin is very real, and feels amazing.

I highly recommend giving this book a read. It has been an essential tool in developing my own assertiveness and raising my overall sense of worthiness influencing my past career, my current practice and everything in between.

Play With The Big Boys & Girls.

We've got a big snowstorm here in Oxford, Connecticut. Thankfully, I work from my home office on Fridays — so I really don't have to go anywhere — I just meander down to my first-floor home office and talk to my clients. We only get better when we play tennis with better tennis players. One way is to immerse ourselves into their lives, their learnings, and their tricks of the trade.

I thought I would do a "Rich's Favorite Things Early 2017" post and let you know what resources I use to stay at the top of my game. So here goes . . .

Podcasts:

How I Built This - I religiously listen to ever episode. It's about innovators, entrepreneurs, and idealists, and the stories behind the movements they built. Each episode is a narrative journey marked by triumphs, failures, serendipity and insight — told by the founders of some of the world's best known companies and brands. (from NPR)

The Tim Ferriss Show - I've listened to this since his first broadcast. Tim Ferriss deconstructs world-class performers from eclectic areas (investing, chess, pro sports, etc.), digging deep to find the tools, tactics, and tricks that listeners can use.

Smart Passive Income Online Business and Blogging - Pat Flynn reveals all of his online business and blogging strategies, income sources and killer marketing tips and tricks so you can be ahead of the curve with your online business or blog. Discover how you can create multiple passive income streams that work for you so that you can have the time and freedom to do what you love, whether it's traveling the world, or just living comfortably at home.

Books:

The One Thing - You'll learn to cut through the clutter, achieve better results in less time, build momentum toward your goal,  dial down the stress, overcome that overwhelmed feeling, revive your energy, stay on track, and master what matters to you. The ONE Thing delivers extraordinary results in every area of your life--work, personal, family, and spiritual.

The Pumpkin Plan - Each year Americans start one million new businesses, nearly 80 percent of which fail within the first five years. Under such pressure to stay alive—let alone grow—it’s easy for entrepreneurs to get caught up in a never-ending cycle of “sell it—do it, sell it—do it” that leaves them exhausted, frustrated, and unable to get ahead no matter how hard they try.  The Pumpkin Plan guides you through unconven­tional strategies to help you build a truly profitable blue-ribbon company that is the best in its field.

P.S. If you want to play with the big boys and girls,  Let’s talk. I’ve worked with people from all over the world who wanted to play a bigger game and I got them to Wimbledon — call me to schedule a complimentary session.

The Best Books I Recommend.

I'm asked all the time by clients and attendees to my keynotes/workshops/seminars to recommend my favorite books. My assistant and I took some time over the weekend and made a new page that lists my favorites. Enjoy!

Visit The Best Books.

Great Business Lessons From The Movies - The Godfather.

There's a lot to learn from the movies!  The Godfather is a classic 'business' movie. It's ALL about business. Even when it personal, it's business! So here goes:

Listen, Listen, Listen

There are many instances when the characters are shown to either listen intently and succeed (Michael Corleone) or talk and fail (Sonny Corleone). Don Corleone always listened carefully and almost never spoke, unless he had to.

Too many people in business tend to talk TOO much. In meetings, at lunch, during sales calls, etc. Listening (and asking questions) will always deliver better results and define stronger business relationships with clients and peers. Read this.

Watch Your Back

OMG - the list is endless. Luca Brazi, Sonny, and even the Don all forget to keep their eyes peeled for their competition.

Keep your peripherals moving all the time — keep tabs on who your competition is, where they're going and what they're doing. If you don't, you might two men coming after you while you're buying oranges from a street vendor. Read this.

Take Action — Seize The Moment

When Michael improvises at the hospital, when he comes up with the idea to take out Sollozzo and Maclarsky, or when his coup degras to eliminate all the heads of the families who plotted against his father — he took immediate, calculated, and planned action. And it worked.

Don't wait forever — strike while the iron is hot. Plan without emotion, but once you've come to a decision, take action swiftly and surely. Read this.

Play To Win

The Don and Michael are always 3-4 steps ahead of the other families (and the law). Their life depends on it — they need to ensure every step, every decision and every command is planned and well-thought out.

Who's your competition? Where are they strong? Where are they weak? Develop SWOT analyses on each one to position your business in the best possible light.

It's Not Personal, It's Business

This is the 'big line' from The Godfather — and it's SO true. Stop allowing your self-esteem to take a hit when most business decisions are exactly what they are — business decisions.

If you get passed up for a promotion, it probably isn’t personal — it just made more sense from a business perspective for your superior to do so. If your longtime client leaves and you didn’t do anything wrong, thank him for his long business and move on — it’s not personal, and it doesn’t make any sense to waste time in misery over it. Also, if you have to make the decision, you need to emotionally detach yourself from it to make sure it makes the best business sense. Read This.

What are your favorite lines from The Godfather and how have they impacted your career?

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

P.S. Which quote resonated clearly with your career? Which one made you think twice? Let's talk. I've worked with a number of clients — and we developed a successful strategy to grow your career exponentially. If you’re not a client . . . pick up the phone and call me — I offer only one complimentary session each week.

Image: Royalty-Free License from Dollar Photo Club 2014. Over 25 million images, only $1 each.

How To Deal With Stress At Work.

As a coach, I deal with client stress issues all the time. It comes with the job. I  help my clients by focusing in on three simple philosophies from a book called Self-Powerment — written by Dr. Faye Mandell, an incredible woman and friend (go out and buy her book TODAY!).

Let’s get down to the facts: There are three stressors which tend to hit us when we least expect it — Fear, Anger and Guilt. What Faye tries to do is to get you back into your original human emotional needs we all experience — Security, Being In Control, and Feeling Adequate.

Here’s how your body and mind work (this will sound repetitive, it is, but stay with me):

Security

We all need to feel some sense of  security at home, on the street and at work. If your security is threatened, your natural feeling moves from security to anxiety. This is your body telling you something is wrong with your natural state of security. But it’s okay — your job is to understand you are anxious and you have to move back to some sort of security, by thinking of options or taking action.

Unfortunately, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our anxiety and turn it into FEAR. Our mind has taken our present need and projected it in the FUTURE. We are no longer living in the present, but fearing for the future.

Example: Fear of speaking in public. You have a speech to give and you begin to develop stories about how you will fail and the audience's reaction.

Being In Control

We all need to be in control at some level in our lives.If we get out of control, our emotions move from Conrol to Frustration. Again, this is your body telling you something is wrong - you’re not in control of something you usually control. You need to realize something (or someone) is frustrating you and you have get back and take control of the situation.

Once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our frustration and turn it into ANGER. Our mind has taken our present need and has allowed OTHER PEOPLE & THINGS to take control. We are no longer in control of our own life, we are letting other people and things take over.

Example: Your kids. They mess up the kitchen, you get frustrated, and your mind moves to anger. It happens to me ALL the time (they're boys).

Feeling Adequate

Feeling adequate is a strong emotional need in our lives. If we suddenly feel inadequate, we quickly start feeling disappointed or sad. Again, it's fine — your sadness is telling you to move back and regain your adequacy in one way or another.

And once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our adequacy and turn it into GUILT. Our mind has taken our present need and has projected it in the PAST. We are no longer living in the present, but worrying about the past.

Example: Someone says something you don’t quickly grasp. You begin to feel sad you never received a graduate degree, and you feel guilty.

Got it? Dr. Mandell’s position is to move quickly from the past, future, & people/things and get into the “I AM” or present state.

The way I interpret it: You can’t change the past, it’s difficult to change people/things, and stop worrying about the future — live in the present and take action.

What do you do when you are insecure, not in control, or feeling inadequate at work?

Image provided by Jonas Nilsson Lee at Unsplash.

How I Beat Procrastination Every Day.

I just hit 650 articles this morning. About one article every other day for five years*. WOW.

Here's the hard truth — there are two types of people in the world:

1. One who quickly writes a blog post every day. Easily. It flows out of them like a skittles rainbow.
2. One who tries to write every day. It's hard. You start to question yourself — did I write this already? Definitely not a rainbow happening here.

I'm #2. But to have a growing and robust practice, I made a commitment to myself, my clients, and my readers that I would write every other day.

I get up every morning at 4:30 AM, sit down at my laptop, and write (okay — I shower first). And I say this mantra to myself:

• Get it done.
• Don't put it off.
• Make it happen.

And at first, my 'worry' brain takes over and begins to toss out obstacles:

• You have NO ideas. You have an empty brain.
• No one is reading your stuff. Why write it and waste your time?
• You're wasting time on this. Don't you have to check email?
• You are a failure. Think of all the times you screwed up . . .
• Your old friend Procrastination stops by for a visit (the guest who would never leave). Do it later — you'll be better at it.

But then, I wipe all those BS thoughts out of my brain (because they aren't true) and TAKE ACTION. I sit down, open my laptop, and start writing. And guess what? Withing 20-30 minutes, I have a article to edit!

Yes, it's that easy.

As Eckhart Tolle calls it, The Power of Now. "Be present as the watcher of your mind -- of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations."

My interpretation — Don't let the 'busyness' of your worries take over, don't let fear creep in, and above all, don't procrastinate.

As Nike says, "Just Do It." So I write. And write. And write. And guess what?

It sucked at first. But after six months, it's a lot easier. So I keep at it.

Now to YOU:

What one thing are you procrastinating on right now? What are you putting off?

Take the first step and start getting it done. You'll find it's not that hard, or time consuming.

That's just your ego speaking.

*Here's my math:

• 104 Saturdays/Sundays and two weeks vacation give me an approximate balance of 250 working days each year.
• Total working days in 5 years: 1250.
• 1250 days divided by 650 articles equals 1.92 days. So rounding up we get every other day.

Top 8 Critical Articles You Should Be Reading TODAY.

I've been blown away with the level and caliber of magazine articles lately. 

Instead of puff pieces, they are cutting right to the chase with powerful, informative and critical information executives, business owners and in-transition people need to succeed in today's marketplace. So here goes:

Inc. Magazine

The 25 Most Audacious Companies

Inc. 's first annual Most Audacious list features entrepreneurs who are original, ambitious, and totally uncowed by impossible odds.

Why Everyone Is an Entrepreneur Now

Job-hopping might ruffle a corporation's feathers, but employers need to accept it's a way of life.

Fast Company

The 100 Most Creative People In Business 2013

Data Geeks, World-Changers, Actors, Rappers, and all types of innovators prove the value of creativity at a crucial time in business.

The Future Of Technology Isn’t Mobile, It’s Contextual

It’s called situational awareness. The way we respond to the world around us is so seamless that it’s almost unconscious. Our senses pull in a multitude of information, contrast it to past experience and personality traits, and present us with a set of options for how to act or react.

Bloomberg Businessweek

In The Future, We'll All Be TaskRabbits

The temporary workforce in the U.S. is looking increasingly permanent. In April, 2.66 million people took on temp work, making up almost 2 percent of the country’s overall workforce, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Boomers Plan to Delay Retirement. Then Life Intrudes

If you’re one of those aging boomers who’s counting on extra years of work to save your nest egg, keep in mind that relatively few people end up doing it.

Entrepreneur Magazine

Entrepreneur's 100 Brilliant Companies for 2013

We talk a lot about ideas: what inspires them, how to act on them. But it's really quite simple: The best ones come from just going about our lives -- encountering, then attempting to resolve, both major obstacles and quotidian annoyances.

10 Habits College Entrepreneurs Should Forget at Graduation

You've made it. The finish line. With that degree in hand, now you can finally start the business you've spent years planning, right? Not so fast. After years of cramming for exams and attending class in your pajamas, you may have picked up a few bad habits.

I've tried to mix it up a bit for all readers of my site — please pick up all of these issues — they are chock full of POWERFUL ARTICLES.

Is Life Giving You Lemons?

I ran across a powerful quote the other day from Nora Roberts, the romance novelist: “If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.”

Do you know about Nora Roberts? I met her MANY years ago when I was in Marketing at Waldenbooks/Reader's Market. We hosted an autographing at one of our locations and she had a new romance novel out. She was a really nice person (most authors and celebrities at the time were obnoxious). A lot of you might say with a hint of disdain in your voice, "Oh, she's a romance novelist."

Here are some sobering facts — as of 2011, her novels had spent a combined 861 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, including 176 weeks in the number-one spot. Over 400 million copies of her books are in print, including 12 million copies sold in 2005 alone. She's a heavy hitter.

Nora began to write during a blizzard in February, 1979 while housebound with her two small boys. With three feet of snow, a dwindling supply of chocolate, and no morning kindergarten she had little else to do. While writing down her ideas for the first time, she fell in love with the writing process, and quickly produced six manuscripts.

She submitted her manuscripts to Harlequin, the leading publisher of romance novels, but was repeatedly rejected. Roberts says, "I got the standard rejection for the first couple of tries, then my favorite rejection of all time. I received my manuscript back with a nice little note which said that my work showed promise, and the story had been very entertaining and well done. But that they already had their American writer. That would have been Janet Dailey."

In 1980, a new publisher, Silhouette books, formed to take advantage of the pool of manuscripts from the many American writers that Harlequin had snubbed. Roberts found a home at Silhouette, where her first novel, Irish Thoroughbred, was published in 1981. She used the pseudonym Nora Roberts, a shortened form of her birth name Eleanor Marie Robertson, because she assumed that all authors had pen names. Between 1982 and 1984, Roberts wrote 23 novels for Silhouette.

Roberts believes that pursuing a career as a writer requires discipline: "You're going to be unemployed if you really think you just have to sit around and wait for the muse to land on your shoulder." She concentrates on one novel at a time, writing eight hours a day, every day, even while on vacation. Rather than begin with an outline or plot summary, Roberts instead envisions a key incident, character, or setting. She then writes a short first draft with the basic elements of a story.

After finishing the first draft, Roberts goes back to the beginning of the novel. The second draft usually sees the addition of details, the "texture and color" of the work, as well as a more in-depth study of the characters. She then does a final pass to polish the novel before sending it to her agent, Amy Berkower. She often writes trilogies, finishing the three books in a row so that she can remain with the same characters.

So let's look closer at her words:

If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.

How many times have you known EXACTLY where you need to go and what you need to do? In fact, it's right in front of you. But for some reason, something or someone is holding you back. Here's a little secret, most of the time, that obstacle is usually YOU. You might think there are external forces out there — but you are putting those potholes in the road. You need to be very clear about what you want and go after it. Nora could have remained a stay-at-home Mom, but she had a dream of being a writer. And she went after it with gusto.

If you don't ask, the answer is always no.

As a coach, I run into this one ALL the time. People are afraid of asking for that raise, that promotion, that business. They either feel they're not worthy or that they're begging. If you want it — go get it. Nora was turned down a bunch of times by Harlequin, but she kept going back. She wrote whole manuscripts, submitted them, and was nicely declined. But she kept coming back.

If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.

MOVE. You need to move somewhere and not stay in the same place. When we need to make a life change when life is giving us lemons (and it happens all the time), we tend to get caught up on where to go. Just take ANY step - very soon, you will be making your way forward and moving towards a new location with no lemons.

Listen to Nora, she knows where it's at.

Nora Roberts biographical information was partially gleaned from Wikipedia.

How The Boomers Screwed Up OR We Can All Do Better.

I've been struggling with this generational paradox for the past 5-10 years and have asked a ton of people what they think about it. This theory comes closest to what I feel happened, is happening, and probably will happen. Enjoy! Here's my basic understanding of what went down (this is a long one — so stay with me — it's really important):

The generation that birthed the Baby Boomers suffered like hell. Depression, World War II; they shouldered everything.

So when the US was growing more successful following WWII, they didn't want their children to suffer. And their kids loved this. They lived in relative safety, had a clear boogeyman to fear in the USSR and ideology to love in the US of A. They got opportunities, whether to get jobs straight out of high school, or go to college, or travel the world, or whatever. Not everyone got this, of course, since we still did have poor souls shipped out to Vietnam.

They got awesome music, got to experiment with drugs, and then got jobs alongside their hardworking, nose-to-the-grindstone parents of the "Greatest Generation". And as those parents retired and died, we were left with a overwhelming number of coddled, spoiled children running the show.

And the problem with that is that they haven't grown up. They didn't understand the hardships that drove their parents' decisions. So they made decisions that didn't aim to avoid those hardships, which has saddled us with debt, terrible regulations of tons of industries, and a number of unwanted and unwinnable wars (Iraq, Afghanistan, Drugs), which has led to Gen Xers and Millenials getting the short end of the stick, and being generally bitter about it.

Even a cursory glance at what we call the generations even gives some insight into the Boomers' thoughts toward their children compared to their parents. "Greatest Generation" vs. "Generation X". Past vs. future, and the future gets humped.

Now, that's not to say that every Boomer is like that. Plenty aren't. It's also not to say that this is a 100% correct reading of the situation, but it does seem to reflect what history has shown (so far) the Greatest Generation, Boomers, and Gen Xers to do.

I'm a firm believer in Strauss-Howe generational theory. We've repeated the same cycle of generational 'types' and social climes since the 1700's. Baby boomers are 'idealistic moralists' in favor of wars they themselves don't fight in, and they incite others to make sacrifices. The crisis they are driving us into will have to be dealt with by the scruffy, pragmatic Gen-Xers.

Here's the gist of the theory (from Wikipedia):

To date, Strauss and Howe have identified 25 generations in Anglo-American history, each with a corresponding archetype. The authors describe the archetypes as follows:

Prophet

Born in 1809 and coming of age during the Transcendental Awakening, Abraham Lincoln is identified as a member of a Prophet generation - the Transcendentals.

Prophet generations (dominant) are born after a Crisis, during a time of rejuvenated community life and consensus around a new societal order. Prophets grow up as the increasingly indulged children of this post-Crisis era, come of age as self-absorbed young crusaders of an Awakening, focus on morals and principles in midlife, and emerge as elders guiding another Crisis.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their coming-of-age fervor and their values-oriented elder leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area ofvision, values, and religion. Their best-known historical leaders include John Winthrop, William Berkeley, Samuel Adams, Benjamin Franklin, James Polk, Abraham Lincoln, Herbert Hoover, and Franklin Roosevelt. These were principled moralists who waged idealistic wars and incited others to sacrifice. Few of them fought themselves in decisive wars, and they are remembered more for their inspiring words than for great actions. (Examples among today’s living generations: Boomers.)

Nomad

Nomad generations (recessive) are born during an Awakening, a time of social ideals and spiritual agendas, when young adults are passionately attacking the established institutional order. Nomads grow up as under-protected children during this Awakening, come of age as alienated, post-Awakening adults, become pragmatic midlife leaders during a Crisis, and age into resilient post-Crisis elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their adrift, alienated rising-adult years and their midlife years of pragmatic leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of liberty, survival and honor. Their best-known historical leaders include Nathaniel Bacon, William Stoughton, George Washington, John Adams, Ulysses Grant, Grover Cleveland, Harry Truman, and Dwight Eisenhower. These were shrewd realists who preferred individualistic, pragmatic solutions to problems. (Examples among today’s living generations: Generation X.)

Hero

Young adults fighting in World War II were born in the early part of the 20th century, like PT109 commander LTJG John F. Kennedy (b. 1917). They are part of the G.I. Generation, which follows the Hero archetype.

Hero generations (dominant) are born after an Awakening, during a time of individual pragmatism, self-reliance, and laissez faire. Heroes grow up as increasingly protected post-Awakening children, come of age as team-oriented young optimists during a Crisis, emerge as energetic, overly-confident midlifers, and age into politically powerful elders attacked by another Awakening. 

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their collective military triumphs in young adulthood and their political achievements as elders. Their main societal contributions are in the area of community, affluence, and technology. Their best-known historical leaders include Cotton Mather, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan. These have been vigorous and rational institution builders. In midlife, all have been aggressive advocates of economic prosperity and public optimism, and all have maintained a reputation for civic energy and competence in old age. (Examples among today’s living generations: Millennials.)

Artist

Artist generations (recessive) are born during a Crisis, a time when great dangers cut down social and political complexity in favor of public consensus, aggressive institutions, and an ethic of personal sacrifice. Artists grow up overprotected by adults preoccupied with the Crisis, come of age as the socialized and conformist young adults of a post-Crisis world, break out as process-oriented midlife leaders during an Awakening, and age into thoughtful post-Awakening elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their quiet years of rising adulthood and their midlife years of flexible, consensus-building leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of expertise and due process. Their best-known historical leaders include William Shirley, Cadwallader Colden, John Quincy Adams,Andrew Jackson, Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson. These have been complex social technicians and advocates for fairness and inclusion. (Examples among today’s living generations: Silent and Homelanders.)

One reason why the cycle of archetypes recurs is that each youth generation tries to correct or compensate for what it perceives as the excesses of the midlife generation in power. For example, Boomers (a Prophet generation, whose strength is individualism, culture and values) raised Millennial children (a Hero generation, whose strength is in collective civic action). Archetypes do not create archetypes like themselves, they create opposing archetypes.

As Strauss and Howe explain, “your generation isn’t like the generation that shaped you, but it has much in common with the generation that shaped the generation that shaped you.” This also occurs because the societal role that feels freshest to each generation of youth is the role being vacated by a generation of elders that is passing away. In other words, a youth generation comes of age and defines its collective persona just as an opposing generational archetype is in its midlife peak of power, and the previous generation of their archetype is passing away.

By the way — I'm a boomer (a late boomer - born in 1962), but still a boomer.

P.S. I'm expecting a lot of hate mail on this one — but I encourage two-way communication — that's what this blog is about!

The Book You Should Be Reading RIGHT NOW.

Every so often, a business/self-help book comes along that knocks my socks off.  Before I begin, I find most of this book genre terrible. People today write books not because they have a great idea or a better way of doing things, they write books to become famous. They might become famous and appear on TV, but their book still sucks.

The other day, I came upon a book that has changed the way I think, live, work, and interact with people. It's called The Tools. Phil Stutz and Barry Michels are both psychotherapists who honed these tools to help people like you and me.

Phil invented The Tools when he was finished with his training as a psychiatrist. After a number of failures at helping his early patients he felt that the kind of psychotherapy he was trained in didn't offer much to patients that was all that practical. He basically started from scratch and invented The Tools as a way to help his patients with day to day problems, and to his surprise and his patients' satisfaction, it worked.

Barry faced the same dilemma, but at a critical juncture in time Michels was lucky enough to attend one of Stutz's lecture. He became the prime student of Stutz and found incredible success using the tools with his patient population. Both have used these tools as the cornerstone of their psychotherapy. The two worked together to refine them and are now the go-to psychotherapists to Hollywood writers and the stars. They are presenting this book to bring their ideas to the general public and to help people help themselves.

These four fundamental problems which keep clients from living the life they want to live:

1. Pain avoidance (out of fear of rejection, failure, and negative consequences) to the extent that clients don't move forward or progress — clients are stuck in a comfort zone in which they aren't achieving their goals, life is passing them by.

2. Unrealistic belief that people will treat you fairly — when this doesn't happen, clients become enraged/hurt and replay the experience, refuse to move forward until wrong is rectified, obsess about the person or event, fantasize about revenge etc.

3. Insecurity based on intimidating situations — leads to difficulty expressing yourself, connecting to others etc.

4. Negative thinking displayed in worry, anxiety, criticism, judgment of others and self-hatred — clients feel like a dark cloud hangs over them and have difficulty enjoying life and creating positive experiences.

I'll be honest, this book won't appeal to everyone. If you believe that the universe is simply mechanistic governed by material laws, matter-based cause and effect alone, you may find this book isn't for you. However, if you believe that growth and spiritual evolution are principles operating in the universe, and that laws and powers exist to support resolving problems and forward movement, then you may be intrigued by the tools the authors have discovered and field-tested through their personal experience and clients' experience.

IMPORTANT: I bought the audiobook to listen to in the car, it is much better than the book (I have that too) - you actually hear Phil and Barry explain each tool as they would in their seminar. Powerful.

PLEASE SHARE AND GET THE WORD OUT ON THIS BOOK! Thank you!

The Two Most Important Days Of Your Life.

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” — Mark Twain What a powerful quote. But what does it really mean?

And more importantly, what does it really mean TO YOU?

Some people already know — they're sure about their purpose. There are also some people who have a good idea, but they aren't 100% sure about why they're on this earth.

And then there are people who don't know. Why is that?

• They don't want to know. When they get close to learning their true purpose — they step back and shy away.
• They go through life without a purpose. They don't realize the magic of having a purpose and the power it brings.
• They vacillate from one purpose to another. This isn't a bad thing — but in the end it probably causes internal and external confusion of purpose.

So the big question is — How do you figure out your life's purpose? I have some strategies:

• Sit down and think, meditate and reflect.
• Review where you've been, what you've done, and who you've impacted/influenced so far.
• Review what things/people/activities energize you (and what ones enervate you).
• Start to finely focus your lens and cull down your choices to a few.
• Then step back and look at the whole picture.
• Finally, make a clear decision, understand what your purpose is, and move forward.

Years ago, two powerful things happened which helped me fully understand my purpose in life.

First, one of my best friends from college, Dave Taylor, recommended a book to me — Tuesdays With Morrie. I can't tell you how much this book changed my life and outlook on the world. If you haven't read it — READ IT. If you have — READ IT AGAIN.

It allowed me to briefly step off the corporate rat race mentally and better understand what are the really important things in life.

Second, I hired Karen Gregaitis, my Dale Carnegie trainer and coach to help me excel and cope with my erratic corporate leadership role. She recommended I take an assessment call Tru-Values (a tool I use with many of my clients) which allowed me to better understand the value drivers in my life.

To this day, I focus on my four values - Encourage, Energize, Enlighten & Have Fun. Wonder why I coach, write, and speak?

I'm doing what I love. ARE YOU?

P.S. If you would like to learn more about the Tru-Values assessment, let's connect.

3 Books You Should Be Reading Right NOW.

I'm frequently asked by organizations in my business consulting area what are the best books their employees should read and refer to. Honestly, there are a lot of good books out there. And unfortunately, there are millions of stinkers out there too.

Today, everyone thinks they can write a book. But most of them suck (hey, it's my opinion).

Here are the three which have withstood the test of time and to this day influence millions of executives and employees throughout the world:

How to Win Friends & Influence People

By Dale Carnegie.

This is the bible — buy it and live it. This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated.

The Magic of Thinking Big

By David Schwartz.

Long regarded as one of the foremost experts on motivation, Schwartz will help you manage better, earn more money, and — most important of all — find greater happiness and peace of mind. He proves that you don’t need to have an innate talent to attain great success — but you do need to learn and understand the habit of thinking and behaving in ways that will get you there.

Linchpin — Are You Indispensable?

By Seth Godin

Linchpin is a most unusual, well-organized, concise book about what it takes to become indispensable in the workplace – whether you work for someone else (at any level) or are self-employed. It’s about how business has rapidly changed and how treating employees like factory workers (or doing your job like one) doesn’t work any longer. We must make choices and take action to “chart our own paths” and add value that others do not.

We cannot wait for a boss or a job description to tell us what to do, rather we must just take the initiative ourselves. Only then can we become indispensable “linchpins,” rather than replaceable “cogs.” ”You don’t become indispensable merely because you are different. But the only way to become indispensable is to be different. That’s because if you’re the same, so are plenty of other people.

I recommend these three books DAILY to my clients.

Go out and buy them for your iPad or even better, pick up the audiobook and devour it.

150 To 5,384 Visitors In One Week — OMG!

What a week! As you can see from above, a single post really hit a chord with my readers and invited in a whole slew of new visitors.

Maybe it was the title: "Top Five Regrets of the Dying". Something resonated with an exponential increase in friends who are interested in this topic.

When I usually check my analytics, I get a wide variety of readers from all over the U.S. and the world every day. Based on the comments I received on my site, LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+, many people appreciated the recommendation and each of the 'regrets'.

As a coach, I'm constantly looking for engagement with my clients and readers.

What did you really like about the article?

What do you want me talking about?

What topics would you like to see?

Thanks ahead of time for your comments and insight!

P.S. I've continued my series with "Top Five Regrets of the Unemployed" and on Monday you'll see "Top Five Regrets of Struggling Businesses". Enjoy!

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

If You're Not Moving Up, You're Going Down.

FACT: Successful leaders require and access tools to help them be accountable and objective while stretching them to reach the next level of performance (Harvard Business Review). FACT: The marketplace is changing at a constantly accelerating rate. The challenge to learn the art and science of individual change is now paramount to every executive and business-owner's success (American Management Association).

FACT: 43% of CEOs and 71% of the senior executive team reported that they had worked with a coach. Over 48% of companies now use coaching to develop the leadership capabilities of high-potential performers. The typical coaching assignment runs from 7 to 12 months (Fast Company).

Okay — I'm promoting a little. But it's true. 

Every client I work with has seen a dramatic change in their career. They've made more money, moved up in the organization, amassed a larger client base . . .

And they're happier. Challenged. Having fun.

The ironic fact is most people are afraid of working with a coach. Why?

They're afraid of "opening up" about their true feelings and dreams.

I know it's hard — but it's just like jumping into a pool for the first time — the first few seconds the water is cold, but you acclimate very quickly. Every one of my coaching sessions start out slow initially, but by the end, the client has so much energy, they are bursting at the seams to execute.

They're afraid of spending a lot of time and money on another pipe-dream.

There are so many options out there — some are good and most are bad. I can't tell you how many business books just plain stink. Conferences and seminars which rehash the same tired and hackneyed syllogisms. Speakers who give a small iota of what they really know and suck you into a quagmire of fees, charges and upsells.

I totally understand your ambivalence. But coaching is an incremental process — small changes, small steps, and big gains happen all the time. You'll know within the first or second session if coaching is for you.

They're afraid of actually being successful and their entire life changes.

This is the big one. See my recent post on 'fear of success' — most people are afraid of actually reaching their goals and dreams because it will radically change their life. And this is scary.

The best part about coaching: The first session is FREE. Most coaches offer a complimentary session to introduce coaching. Coaching is a fit — it has to 'fit' for you AND the coach has to see a good 'fit' for their business.

Try it — you might like it.

How To Deal With Pessimists & Obstructionists.

Ever read something that so truly resonates with your soul? Something that clearly explains all the obstacles you had at work? Something clearly defining and segmenting out those people that waste your time?  I did. This past weekend, I caught up with some reading that I've been putting off lately.

One of my free ebooks I received when I bought Seth Godin's Linchpin (my favorite book of 2010) was a short ebook titled: "Insubordinate". Go get Linchpin today.

In it, Seth hits upon a powerful line of thinking on how to segment WHO you work with every day. I don't like to 'over-quote' on my blog — but Seth clearly hits a home run with his writing and I know I would do it a disservice if I paraphrased.

1. Linchpins

"The people who make a difference, the ones who ship, the rare ones who truly have an impact. This group of people, in that moment of time, changes everything."

2. Supporters

"Eager and willing to help. They respect and admire the work the linchpin is doing, and they’re ready to supply leverage or money or just a smile to help get the job done. Even better, they challenge the linchpin to do more, dig deeper, and make an even bigger difference."

3. Leeches, Advocates for the Devil, and Bystanders

"These are the pessimists, the obstructionists, and the protectors of the status quo. Driven largely by fear, they set out to slow you down, whittle you down, and average you down."

"People don’t end up in this group because they choose to be there; they end up there because the lizard brain is so freaked out and the resistance is so loud that they really don’t have any choice."

"What I do is mentally affix a red “L” (for leech) to their forehead and then, for as long as I can, avoid them. Like potholes in an otherwise smooth road, it’s just easier to drive around them."

"At the same time, I feel sorry for them. They are in this group because of fear, not by choice. They wrestle every day with overwhelming feelings of impending doom. It’s not a permanent condition, but I’m not sure it’s your job to heal them."

Powerful. So here are today's question(s):

How often do you put up with the Leeches . . . how often do they step in your way, stop you, warn you, and scare you (with their fears)?

What are you going to do about it?

When The Worst Thing You Can Imagine Happens.

"First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst." — Dale Carnegie Yesterday, I wrote about fear. Sometimes our fear of the worst that can happen paralyzes us. We don't move. We do nothing.

Here's the reality — the worst almost never happens. Maybe 1 time in 100 or 1000. But we act and react as it it's right around the corner. We act as if it's a certainty.

That's why I always fall back on my good friend Dale Carnegie and remember his incredible book, "How To Stop Worrying And Start Living". Link: http://amzn.to/mzAoSk

The writing style is classic Carnegie. To put it simply, the guy just writes like he talks. This makes for a very friendly and easy to understand book, rather like a good friend giving you a piece of advice.

And a lot of advice he gives. The book is divided up into ten sections, each one tackling some aspect of worrying. Let me just say that book covers just about every major "worry issue" that might be causing a troubled mind, such as your work, your finances, other people's criticisms- and them some.

• Deal with the worry.
• Prepare to accept it.
• Proceed to improve on the worst.

In other words, figure out what bad things might happen and put mitigation steps into place to ensure they don't happen. It's that easy.

What do frequently worry about? What steps have you taken to improve upon it?

The Complete Guide To Getting What You Want.

It's Finally HERE!

I’m excited to announce that my friend Jenny Blake’s book – Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want, a portable life coach for 20-somethings and beyond — hits shelves this month!

Look, I coach all age groups — from the newly minted graduate from college all the way to the energized retiree that wants to jump back into the workforce.

Jenny has focused her incredible book on that time in all our lives, when we've left college and are looking for "THE PLAN" on what to do next (and HOW to do it!). It features practical, actionable advice that helps people focus on the BIG picture of their lives, not just the details.

As Jenny describes it, “There is no need for a highlighter – this book is the highlights: a compilation of tips, quotes and exercises trimmed to the essence, divided into chapters for every major life area. Chapter categories include life (values, goals), work, money, organization, home, friends & family, dating & relationships, health, fun & relaxation, and personal growth.” She covers ALL bases.

While geared toward college graduates, the rapid-fire tips, quotes and interactive coaching exercises would serve anyone looking to find some clarity and direction in their life. To purchase your copy on Amazon (a steal — currently selling for under $12!). You can read more about Jenny on her blog at LifeAfterCollege.org and follow her on Twitter @Jenny_Blake.

As you know, I rarely promote books on my site — but when I do, they're the best you can find. And Jenny is the BEST.

BRAG — Toot Your Own Horn Without Blowing It.

Most people can’t sell themselves.

The Best Salespeople, who obliterate their numbers every year, selling products and services - have a hard time developing a personal talk-track.

Accomplished Executives, who are comfortable pitching in boardrooms, convincing multi-nationals to sign on the dotted line — have a hard time in interviews for a new position.

Business Owners, day-in and day-out, have the best location, web-site, media, and business card — have a hard time coming up with a simple process to close the deal.

Why is this? Why is there such a dichotomy between great sales performance and the ability to apply those techniques and tools to ourselves?

In my ongoing series, “Are You A Catalyst?”, today's focus is knowing how to brag effectively.

Peggy Klaus, author of Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn WIthout Blowing It, proclaims we tend to tell ourselves myths which ultimately sabotage our actions.

Myths such as:

• A job well done speaks for itself.
• Bragging is something you do during performance reviews.
• Humility gets you noticed.
• I don’t have to brag, people will do it for me.
• Good girls don’t brag.
• And the biggest one — Brag is a four-letter word.

Her main drive is to abolish these myths taught and ingrained into our psyche. One has to un-learn past behaviors (taught to us lovingly by our parents and schools) — to be prepared to brag effectively when it feels comfortable — during appropriate times and places.

Some suggestions from Klaus:

• Get a plan in place - be prepared with tight talk-tracks to help you brag.
• Get creative - make what you say engaging and interesting.
• Become the star player vs. promoting team spirit - take credit when credit is due.
• Brag through your weak points - acknowledge liabilities and focus on strengths.
• Make sure your fans get it right - prep them to present your story in the right light.

This book is a keeper — I recommend it to all of my clients when they hit an invisible wall and struggle with self-promotion. Check it out.

What techniques do you use to brag effectively?

Run Out & Buy 'The Thank You Economy'.

Let me state something right off the bat — I LOVE Gary Vaynerchuk. A little secret of mine — when I want to get pumped up for the day or I'm feeling down, I pop in Gary's 'Crush It' audiobook. His enthusiasm, energy, and ideas blow me away every time.

I just finished my publisher's preview copy of The Thank You Economy (due to be released on Tuesday, March 8th). Once again, Gary not only hits a home run — it's a grand slam.

Gary has delivered another opus of energy, bundled with a myriad of proven business tips on how to interact with our customers. The explosive growth of social media is quickly delivering unprecedented power and breadth to everyone's customer base. No longer can you treat anyone badly — you need to integrate specific inter-personal behaviors into all parts of your company.

But it's just not your customers — it's your employees, your partners, distributors - everyone. I consistently speak and write about the "shark mentality" in business — take no prisoners, no one counts unless it's you, run over everyone to make more money.

Gary's philosophy is at the exact opposite end of the spectrum:

• Caring is the key word here — be self-aware (EQ), commit to change, invest in your employees, be authentic (I've been saying this for years) and empower your people.
• Let your client help you develop, guide, and modify your brand. They are an integral part to the entire process.
• Community is critical — get the conversation going and flowing.
• My favorite — If you're small, play like you're big; if you're big, play like you're small.

It's the humanization of business.

Great words from a 21st century sage. I hope to someday meet or speak with Gary — I think he and I would hit it off quite well. Gary transcends the typical, boring, stale business book (as I've always said, 98% of them suck). His genius integrates great ideas with the energy of the sun — you just want to run out and execute all of his ideas immediately.

So go out — nay . . . run out — and get this book, or kindle download, or audiobook (my favorite). You will thank me.

What are your thoughts about Gary Vee? Do you love him as much as I do?

Why You Never See It Coming — Deadly Blind Spots In Business.

There are things you know (e.g., how to run a meeting) and there are things you know you don’t know (e.g., open heart surgery techniques). Then there are things that you don’t know that you really know (how to stay focused and calm during an emergency).

Today, let’s talk about the unknown unknowns. The times where things jump out of nowhere in our business life and bite us right on the butt (and hold on!).

But how do we uncover those unknowns that we don’t know? How do we find something that we don’t know is lost? Perplexing isn’t it?

You fail because you didn’t:

• Read market signals in a certain way.
• See that your most trusted ally is moving to the competition.
• Know about the ‘hidden’ competition eating your lunch.

In the 90's, U.S. sales of Mercedes Benz plunged 24% due to Lexus/Acura/Infiniti imports. Up until that time, their senior management refused to acknowledge the existence of competition.

Up until 1980, internal correspondence at Sears never even mentioned Walmart.

Sometimes, reality is staring you right in the face . . . and you don’t see it.

So how do you uncover YOUR blind spots? Three ways:

1. Stop being so insular and bubbled-up. Open your peripheral vision to what’s happening in the world outside.
2. Encourage your team, your divisions, your entire company to keep their eyes peeled for products and competition that could slowly (or quickly) eat away at your market share.
3. Think outside of the box. Did you actually think we'd be carrying a GPS, Walkman, DVD Player, Menu Guide, Weather Station, etc. IN OUR PHONE?

Ask everyone for their opinion and LISTEN.

You don’t need to act on everything, but if you’re a faithful reader of Michael Porter’s Competitive Strategy, track it, measure it, and address it when the time is right.

What blind spots have bitten you in the past?