Are You A Warrior?

"The basic difference between an ordinary man and a warrior is that a warrior takes everything as a challenge, while an ordinary man takes everything as a blessing or as a curse." — Carlos Castenada Whether you're a man or woman, business-owner or corporate executive, young or old, life is programmed to throw a lot of obstacles in your path.

Work is just a series of problems that require someone to solve them in an efficient, timely, and cost-effective manner. Many people tend to worry, obsess, and outright fear certain outcomes from their daily work life.

Candidly, you're not going into an arena at the Colosseum to fight another warrior to the death. You might be pitching a new prospect and there's the fear of losing that account. I've been there.

2016 (as proposals go) sucked for me so far. Two major clients who REACHED OUT TO ME for my workshop skills asked for a number of different proposals to have me run events for their associates. In both instances, they ran me through multiple hoops to hone my proposal, tighten my pricing, and deliver the perfect solution to grow their organization.

Guess what? At the last minute, they pull out (for a number of reasons) and either cancel or go with another provider. (By the way — this is pro-forma for most businesses).

Now did I complain? Did I whine? Did I get mad? Did I curse my existence?

NO. I took the warrior's path and looked at it like a challenge. I had to step up my game.

Not only did I revamp my entire selling presentation structure, I reviewed my proposal template (and changed it), and developed a series of beautifully designed brochures as leave-behinds (to further cement my reputation once I left the room).

In addition, I re-doubled my efforts with all of my prospects and hit them twice as hard with TLC and many new ideas for in-house workshops. I WILL GET BUSINESS FROM THEM.

I keep coming back to an old movie I saw many years ago — Door To Door with William H. Macy: "Patience and Persistence will win anyone over in the end."

I didn't whine. I didn't complain. By the way, do you want to know something interesting about complaining?

“The only thing complaining does is convince other people that you are not in control.”

The Warrior is in control. I promise you I will host many more workshops this year compared to past years.

And that's a promise. Be The Warrior.

How to Live Your Dream When You're Scared to Death.

Did something scare you today? This week? This year? What really scares you? An angry boss? A lost client? A problem without a solution? Zombies?

And more importantly, what does your fear make you do? Do you shut down? Make quick decisions without thinking?

When you're scared, you make emotional decisions. Sometimes they are rational and sometimes they are irrational. Sometimes these decisions turn into irrational actions.

For example, did you ever blow up over something that turned out to be quite inconsequential? I tend to 'lose it' on myself when I accidentally drop something when cooking in the kitchen. In retrospect, it was an accident, I didn't plan for it, and I mistakenly dropped a dish of food. But I still 'lost it' on myself. I wasn't scared, but I still acted irrationally.

It happens to the best of us. I help my clients look at their lives as a huge long line or spectrum with being 'totally in-control' at one end and 'totally out-of-control' at the other end. Most of the time, when we're scared, we tend to feel that we have moved from the safe, in-control extreme to the perilous out-of-control extreme.

But that's not true. We've just moved a little bit on our control line. Here's a little secret: We're never really totally in-control either. Someone or some thing, somewhere has a bit of control over us or has the ability to careen us out-of-control.  For example, our health, our kids, our spouse/partner, work, finances, etc. all can quickly have an immediate impact on our control system.

The faster you realize you are never in complete control AND that you are never in complete chaos, the faster you will move from being scared to a more meditative sense of reality. Realize that we spend our lives moving along this 'control' line without fear — we're just trying to get things done, we hit a road-block, and we solve that problem and move on.

Here are some rules I adhere to:

1. You are not at the far (deep) end of the out-of-control line. You've moved a bit out of control, don't be scared, and realize a small action can bring you back in control quickly. Don't stay in one place and begin to emotionalize your reaction. Worrying about what might happen will never really help you — you need to think rationally about your options and take action.

2. Take one small step. One micro-task which will allow you to start moving in the right direction and begin to feel better about your situation. Again, if you do nothing, you'll go nowhere. Even if you move backwards, at least you're moving — you can always course correct.

3. "Action expresses priorities." - Gandhi. Once you take action — any action — you will begin to stop worrying/being scared and start to make further decisions to help you get back into a control situation. Movement or action begins to eliminate most worry and fear. Get out of that haunted house ASAP!

Let me know how this works — the last thing I want you doing is spending a beautiful spring, scared, full of fear and stranded in worry. Life is SO much better than that.

How To Deal With Stress At Work.

As a coach, I deal with client stress issues all the time. It comes with the job. I  help my clients by focusing in on three simple philosophies from a book called Self-Powerment — written by Dr. Faye Mandell, an incredible woman and friend (go out and buy her book TODAY!).

Let’s get down to the facts: There are three stressors which tend to hit us when we least expect it — Fear, Anger and Guilt. What Faye tries to do is to get you back into your original human emotional needs we all experience — Security, Being In Control, and Feeling Adequate.

Here’s how your body and mind work (this will sound repetitive, it is, but stay with me):

Security

We all need to feel some sense of  security at home, on the street and at work. If your security is threatened, your natural feeling moves from security to anxiety. This is your body telling you something is wrong with your natural state of security. But it’s okay — your job is to understand you are anxious and you have to move back to some sort of security, by thinking of options or taking action.

Unfortunately, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our anxiety and turn it into FEAR. Our mind has taken our present need and projected it in the FUTURE. We are no longer living in the present, but fearing for the future.

Example: Fear of speaking in public. You have a speech to give and you begin to develop stories about how you will fail and the audience's reaction.

Being In Control

We all need to be in control at some level in our lives.If we get out of control, our emotions move from Conrol to Frustration. Again, this is your body telling you something is wrong - you’re not in control of something you usually control. You need to realize something (or someone) is frustrating you and you have get back and take control of the situation.

Once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our frustration and turn it into ANGER. Our mind has taken our present need and has allowed OTHER PEOPLE & THINGS to take control. We are no longer in control of our own life, we are letting other people and things take over.

Example: Your kids. They mess up the kitchen, you get frustrated, and your mind moves to anger. It happens to me ALL the time (they're boys).

Feeling Adequate

Feeling adequate is a strong emotional need in our lives. If we suddenly feel inadequate, we quickly start feeling disappointed or sad. Again, it's fine — your sadness is telling you to move back and regain your adequacy in one way or another.

And once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our adequacy and turn it into GUILT. Our mind has taken our present need and has projected it in the PAST. We are no longer living in the present, but worrying about the past.

Example: Someone says something you don’t quickly grasp. You begin to feel sad you never received a graduate degree, and you feel guilty.

Got it? Dr. Mandell’s position is to move quickly from the past, future, & people/things and get into the “I AM” or present state.

The way I interpret it: You can’t change the past, it’s difficult to change people/things, and stop worrying about the future — live in the present and take action.

What do you do when you are insecure, not in control, or feeling inadequate at work?

Image provided by Jonas Nilsson Lee at Unsplash.

How To Better Control Your Time.

Time is the one thing you can never get back. So you need to be careful with it, don't waste it, don't hurry through it, and use it effectively. You need to CONTROL your time.

How do you do that? It's easy and it's hard — here are some tips:

Clear Your Desk.

I know . . . it's hard. But once it's done, it is so easy to focus without any distractions to instantly pull you away from the task at hand. Also there is the visual aspect of a clean desk. You FEEL better about yourself and your surroundings. It's easier to find things and important papers don't get lost.

So here's my strategy — Pile, View, Attack/File/Toss/LCB:

1. Pile - Take everything off your desk and make a single pile of paper.
2. View - Pick up and look at each piece of paper. You must make four piles:
3. Attack - work on it immediately - something you can complete within a short amount of time.
4. File - File it away for future access.
5. Toss - Throw it away. I know it's hard - but most of your pile can go this route.
6. LCB: Last Chance Bin - get a box and place it under your desk. If you are unsure of tossing something, put it into this bin. If you need it later, it's there. If not (after 3-6 months), toss it out. This bin works wonders.

Plan Your Day.

This is the hardest and surprisingly the easiest way to get a better handle on your time. Why?

If you go somewhere or if you're on a trip, you have a destination and a route to get there. That's called a plan.

Why is it when you get to work you don't architect the same thinking for your activities, meetings, and tasks? What needs to be done — what is it's priority — and when will you complete it?

Randy Pausch developed a very simple, yet effective template to help anyone plan their day. It's made up of four quadrants:

• Due Soon and Not Due Soon
• Important and Not Important

When you look at your "Attack" pile of work for the day, you usually work through it based on time in and time out. But importance flies out the window — most people aren't working on the most important and critical tasks. This tool helps them do it.

Which ones to work on first? Upper left! Which ones to work on last? Lower right! Here's a PDF template you can use.

Work On One Thing At A Time.

This is where we all fall down. We think we can 'multi-task' our work and guess what? We never get anything done or even worse, we do things in a haphazard fashion.

Take your Attack pile and your Activity List and make your way down each item. Once it's complete, check it off. Set aside time to work on your attack pile — don't answer the phone — don't let anyone bother you — don't let anything take your focus away from the task at hand until you are DONE. You can always return that phone call 15-30 minutes later or go see the person who wanted to see you.

Also — turn your email reminders OFF. You can get back to checking email when you're DONE.

At first it will be difficult. But when you start to see a clean desk, a planned out day, and REAL progress on your work. These basic behaviors will begin to kick in. Try it!

How To Solve ANY Problem.

Okay — the title might be a little misleading. If you just robbed a bank and are evading the authorities, this post will probably not work for you (sorry). But for most business and career problems — this will do just fine. Let me start by explaining what I call "The Whirlwind".

What's a "Whirlwind"? The offficial definition is: Whirlwind - Noun 1 : a small rotating windstorm of limited extent 2 : a confused rush : a whirlwind of meetings 3 : a violent or destructive force

Whenever we are faced with a powerful problem in our lives, we probably encounter The Whirlwind. It is a violent force that spins out of control in our heads. It mixes up our current thought processes, past failures, and future fears. In addition, it easily combines straightforward facts with a bevy of crazy emotions. To make it worse, there is usually a time, importance, or personnel component that just adds to the anxiety and severity.

And you wonder why you can't solve this problem.

What we normally do is keep this Whirlwind bottled up in our heads. We might even talk to a number of people about it — but most of the time, it just gets worse and you rarely ever solve the problem.

So what do you do? Get The Whirlwind Out Of Your Head!

You need a process to eliminate ALL emotions from your problem solving and develop factual options which eventually lead to a solution. Follow these rules to the letter (no deviation!):

1. Take out a sheet of paper or stand at a whiteboard.
2. Have a pencil or whiteboard marker ready to go.
3. At the top of the page (or board), write what the problem is. Be clear, succinct, and ensure that it covers what the problem is. As an example, you can write: "Interpersonal Issues With Tom: Duties, Meetings, Staff".
4. Define The Problem. Here's the catch: it can only be no more than 3 bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). b. Tom has a hard time staying focused at his meetings and loses control of the group. c. Tom's staff is unfocused and are now coming to me for direction.
5. Develop possible solutions to each of the bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). - Talk to Tom about this situation - refer to facts and instances only. Ask him how he would solve the problem. - Begin to manage Tom more closely. Schedule frequent, regular, but short meetings to cover progress. - Uncover what is the 'real' cause of Tom's inability to meet deadlines. - Follow up after one month - track progress.
6. Sometimes you might need to do a PROS & CONS list. Especially when balancing a difficult decision.

Bottom line — get the Whirlwind out of your head and get it on paper. You'll find that it will be so much easier to solve and you'll feel better in the long run.

How Not To Get Angry On The Job.

"I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing." - Buddy Hackett We all get angry. It's normal.

The real question is WHY we get angry. As I tell my clients, to be happy, we need to have a certain amount of control in our lives. Not totally, but we have to have a handle on many situations to ensure that we don't go quietly insane.

Unfortunately, things do go a little out of kilter. And our natural response is to get frustrated. That's normal — something is knocking us out of our normal routine or belief structure and our body/mind reacts with frustration.

A typical example are KIDS. If you come home and the family room is a mess, you are immediately out of control (a clean room) and you react with frustration. A lot of parents (me included) might move right into anger and yell at the kids to clean up the room.

The same thing happens at work. A client, a vendor, a team member or your boss capriciously changes the project, agreement, or decision and promptly you are out of control, accelerating into frustration-land and anger is right around the corner.

How do you solve this? When you feel control ebbing away and you start to feel frustration, stop for a second and embrace the feeling. Don't zip right into anger — try to leverage the part of your brain that solves problems.

What you've really been thrown is a problem. Work is made up of problems. Your job is to solve these problems. This is just one more problem you need to solve. Take the emotion, your ego, out of the equation. Recognize it for what it really is, a problem that needs a solution.

Because the minute you get angry, you really lose control and it takes you farther away from getting back in control. Take your kids — you can yell at them — your blood pressure rises, they are scared/resentful, there is acrimony in the air, etc.

If you pull back and start directing them to clean up assertively (no anger), you'll find dutiful helpers who actually clean the room - no acrimony, no high-blood pressure.

Focus on getting back into control at work — solve the problem. Here's an added benefit — people notice when you don't get angry or fly off the handle. They pay attention when you are composed in chaos and deliver alternative solutions to solve the problem.

That's the difference between good and great leaders.

What techniques do you use to get back into control?