How Is Your Self-Esteem? It's Critical.

If one were to ask what single characteristic that makes you attractive to others, it would be self-esteem. Self-esteem, as defined by Nathaniel Branden in "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem," is the reputation one has with him or herself. The criteria which we unconsciously judge ourselves and which makeup our self-esteem is two fold:

1. The first is self efficacy, which is our perceived ability to deal with the basic requirements of life; i.e., competence.

2. The second is self respect, which is the degree to which we feel deserving of happiness, receiving the rewards of our efforts and how steadfast we are in defending our boundaries.

Branden gives us six basic pillars, which if worked on with sufficient effort will increase one's self-esteem. These are:

1. The practice of living consciously

2. The practice of self acceptance

3. The practice of self responsibility

4. The practice of self assertiveness

5. The practice of living purposefully

6. The practice of personal integrity

While I won't break down each of these in detail, when I work with clients, I preach many of these pillars in one way or another.

Branden explains that even the smallest improvements in any one of these pillars can lead to massive shifts on one's overall self-esteem.

Improvements happen in two steps. The first is asking, what do I want? And the second asks, what must I do? First, the conceptualization, then the execution.

It is with the execution step that one receives the reward of a boost in self-esteem. It isn't necessarily the successful execution of the action step, but an honest, committed attempt.

For example, if you have approach anxiety and you finally work up the courage to ask for a promotion or meet a high-potential contact, the reward received is substantial.

This execution, essentially imprinted your subconscious saying that you are willing to put yourself in harm's way in order to experience what you want, because you believe you are worthy of that experience. This is the basis for courage. This is why blasting through your fears can become an addiction for some people. The boost in dopamine and serotonin is very real, and feels amazing.

I highly recommend giving this book a read. It has been an essential tool in developing my own assertiveness and raising my overall sense of worthiness influencing my past career, my current practice and everything in between.

How To Make Your Boss & Clients Happy All The Time.

Five simple words. Three if you don't count the hyphens: Under-Promise And Over-Deliver.

But time and time again, what do we do? Over-Promise And Under-Deliver. Which one makes our boss and clients happy?

Why do we do this? Why do we constantly over-promise what we can do, bunch up our priorities, and then disappoint when we deliver late? And why do we do this again, and again, and again?

Here is a scenario to stop this dysfunctional cycle:

• It's Monday. You are given a project/task to do. Your boss or client asks when you can deliver it.
• You know in your heart, you can easily complete it by Wednesday. And if you work extra-special hard, Tuesday night.
• So you say, "I'll have it to you Tuesday night. WRONG! This is where the train derails.
• You should say, "I'll have it to you Friday. Is that okay for you?"

Your boss or client will respond in one of three ways:

1. 80% of the time - "That sounds fine. If you can get it earlier to me that would be great."
2. 15% of the time - " Oh. Can you get it any earlier to me? Say Thursday?"
3. 5% of the time - "That won't do. I need it by Wednesday. Can you do it?"

First, why do I have you buffer the time from Wednesday to Friday? Simply, because stuff happens. Unexpected calls, emergencies, breakdowns, other clients, other projects, home emergencies, etc. You get where I'm going.

Unfortunately, we don't plan for these things to happen. But they do - all the time. So you need to buffer. What happens in this scenario?

1. You deliver on Thursday (comfortably) instead of Friday and your boss/client thinks that you're a genius (and hard worker).
2. You deliver on Thursday (comfortably) and your boss/client thinks that you are a person of their word.
3. You tell you boss/client that Wednesday will be very tight and you might have to move around some projects/tasks. You deliver on Wednesday.

If you begin to do this with all of your projects/tasks, you will find that your time is better used AND your boss/clients will love you.