I Found Out I Have PMR*.

I came upon a great quote from the Dalai Lama —  "There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live."

How often do we feel disappointed/guilty about yesterday and anxious/fearful about tomorrow? Probably a lot.

How do we live in 'today' increments? How do we focus on what needs to happen right now without letting the past and future hold us back?

I use a simple acronym - P M R:

P = Plan — Take 5 minutes to Plan your day. Get real, assess exactly what needs to get accomplished, and write it down. Just the stuff that needs to be done today. Add time increments to estimate how long each will take, prioritize each one, and then plug them into your day calendar.

M = Meditate — Take 5 minutes to Meditate. Clean the cobwebs! Sit back, close your eyes, and clear your thoughts. Start by taking a few deep breaths then use the exhalation to sigh and release the tension. Do it again. And again. I promise you will feel better and energized.

R = Reflect — Take 5 minutes to Reflect on all the good things in your life. Gratitude is an important part of staying in the present. We tend to focus and think of all the bad things, worry, forget, and then start the whole process again. Try to focus on the positive this time — your accomplishments, your family, etc.

Take the rest of the time and get stuff done! Don't be afraid of diving in and accomplishing your action items — in fact, you will feel invigorated. Trust me!

*Just found out there is a disease with the same acronym (there always is) - I do not have it nor am I at all using the acronym lightly.

Top 10 Most Read Articles In 2014.

Every year, I go back and track my website analytics to uncover what articles really resonated with my readers. Here are my top ten for 2014 to get you ready for 2015!

1. The Most Important Thing You Should Do In The Shower.

Acknowledge and feel gratitude for all the special things in your life.

2. How To Network Like A Pro.

Last night, I was invited to attend a gala event at the prominent investment firm in NYC. Here are some key techniques that I used to make the night a fruitful and productive one.

3. Build The Best Standing Desk For Your Office.

Lately, I’ve been reading about the healthy aspects of standing desks and learned about all the attributes of standing: better posture, more active, easy to reach items, etc.

4. Be Like Jack LaLanne.

I grew up with Jack LaLanne. I used to watch him every morning on TV. Jack taught me a lot of things about life — especially to stay positive all the time.

5. How To Eliminate Guilt About Not Doing Everything.

Some Shiny Objects are good. Some are bad. Let’s talk about the BAD Shiny Objects.

6. Be A Better Leader – 30 Leadership Hacks For Managers.

Here are my top 30 hacks to make you a better leader.

7. Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

When dying patients were questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five.

8. Five Tips To Fix A Bad Relationship With Your Boss.

You're getting the feeling your relationship has soured with your boss. How do you repair it?

9. Hitting A Wall In Your Career? You Need A Breakthrough.

It's tough today. It’s hard when everything is coming at you. Hard to think. Hard to act. Hard to react. As they always say — the first step is always the hardest.

10a. You’re Not Charging Enough For Your Services - Part One

10b. How To Charge More For Your Services. - Part Two

I received a huge response from readers who requested a number of techniques to help them raise their pricing. It became a two-part article. Enjoy!

If you truly want to change your life, career, or business this year. Check out my complimentary Test Drive.

The Most Important Thing You Should Do In The Shower.

My 13-year-old son hit me with a blinding insight the other day. "Dad, why are you so happy when I get home? I'm tired from school and practice and you're all excited when I walk through the door!"

After I stopped laughing, we sat down, I reflected and told him, "I love my life."

"I love you, your Mom and your brother at college. We're healthy, we have a roof over our heads, we're never hungry, and I love what I do for a living."

I added, "We have lots of friends and our families are doing just fine. And the best part? It's getting cold outside and we get to fire up our wood stove every night (it's something we both love to do)."

When was the last time you said "I love my life"? Candidly, it doesn't take a lot. I didn't mention grand palatial estates, world travel, chauffeured limos in the driveway, or pile of gold and diamonds everywhere. I mentioned what REALLY matters in your life — your relationships, your health, and what's happening right now. Don't project into the future and worry. Don't fall back into the past and feel guilty.

Stay in the present — acknowledge and feel gratitude for all the special things in your life RIGHT NOW. Every morning when you take a shower, I want you to go through all the good things happening in your life. Think about each one while you meditate under the water coming out of the shower. Try to do it every day.

Gratitudes are better than a cup of coffee! Try it.

How To Eliminate Guilt About Not Doing Everything.

We all like Shiny Objects. We're attracted to them. Like moths to a flame. Whenever a new product, idea, solution, or strategy comes along, we sometimes catch ourselves getting distracted and focusing a lot of our efforts towards our Shiny Object. We want to get our Shiny Object and place it into our 'Shiny Object Repository'.

The Shiny Object can take many forms:

• A new position.
• A new car.
• A strategy a competitor is using.
• A direction recommended by friends.
• A blog post with a 'new' idea.
• A new tool (especially technology).

It can be anything. In the past, when I worked years ago in Marketing, we used to comment on how upper management would get their direction — we called it "Management by Airline Magazine". If a CEO or President saw an interesting article on one of their flights, they would always barge into my office and exclaim, "Why aren't we doing this?"

Some Shiny Objects are good. Some are bad. Let's talk about the BAD Shiny Objects.

These are Objects which take our eye off our agreed-upon strategy. The ones who allow us to procrastinate. The ones who take us from our Destiny.

Why does this happen? My theory: We develop guilt about not doing everything — we are scared we are 'not on the bandwagon' or 'not using the best product, strategy, or service'.

So we get distracted and jump ship.

It's hard to discern Good Shiny Objects from Bad Shiny Objects. The best way to do it is to have a plan, a direction, and a close deadline.

The longer out you set a deadline (say 6-12 months), the more apt you are to be distracted by external Shiny Objects. I usually keep myself and my clients within a 90-day window — it's long enough to get some meaty stuff done, but short enough to see the end game.

Don't be like one of my past clients who, during each of our weekly sessions, would be regularly distracted by what their competitors were doing and what the 'marketing' sites were saying. They would be intimidated, distracted, unfocused . . . and guess what happened? They NEVER accomplished ANYTHING.

What are your Shiny Objects? How do you acknowledge them?

Are You Feeling Guilty At Work?

I'm feeling guilty today. The funny thing is . . . I shouldn't. Every Tuesday, like clockwork, I attend my networking/sales team meeting with approximately 50 people.

It's called BNI (Business Networking International), a worldwide organization where businesspeople meet to learn about their services and deliver hot referrals (CLIENTS) each week. I find it powerful for my business (it delivers 40-45% of my clients each year) and wouldn't miss it for the world. In fact, if you have a business or a product to sell, BNI is THE place to go to increase your bottom line.

What happened?

Today, I'm missing my weekly meeting. I had to double-book a client over my meeting and could not schedule it for any other time this week. They HAD to meet at this time. And I did ALL the right things a BNI member should do:

I notified the leadership team of my absence.

I replace my open spot for the week with a great substitute who will do my commercial.

I let the visitor host team know of my sub so they could list them on our weekly roster.

And I did it all on-time, prior to our meeting.

I still feel guilty. I feel that I'm letting my colleagues down even though I've taken all the steps to ensure my absence is covered this week. Why do I feel guilty?

I feel like I'm letting my BNI colleagues down.

I feel that I'm missing out on something good.

That regular burst of enthusiasm I receive from attending will not be there this week.

Honestly, I shouldn't feel guilty. NOT ONE BIT. Why? Guilt is all about the PAST. And guess what? There's nothing I can do about it. NOTHING. It's in the past.

I've made a decision, I've prepared my absence — I've taken all the steps to ensure I shouldn't feel guilt about missing my meeting. So it's time to confront my guilt and realize I have to live in the present and move on from this 'fake' feeling. Why?

It's holding me back — I'm focusing on something that really doesn't matter.

I'm expending mental and physical energy towards a belief that is not true.

I'm not focusing on the present or planning for the future. This is where I can make serious progress towards my goals.

So the next time you feel GUILTY, remember it's all in the past and there's nothing you can really do about it. Take that guilt and repurpose its energy into the present and future. You will find yourself working faster, better, and with more enthusiasm.

Guilt is a mechanism for us to remember past mistakes so we don't repeat them — don't let it paralyze you.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR GUILT AT WORK. LET ME KNOW BELOW.

How To Deal With Stress At Work.

As a coach, I deal with client stress issues all the time. It comes with the job. I  help my clients by focusing in on three simple philosophies from a book called Self-Powerment — written by Dr. Faye Mandell, an incredible woman and friend (go out and buy her book TODAY!).

Let’s get down to the facts: There are three stressors which tend to hit us when we least expect it — Fear, Anger and Guilt. What Faye tries to do is to get you back into your original human emotional needs we all experience — Security, Being In Control, and Feeling Adequate.

Here’s how your body and mind work (this will sound repetitive, it is, but stay with me):

Security

We all need to feel some sense of  security at home, on the street and at work. If your security is threatened, your natural feeling moves from security to anxiety. This is your body telling you something is wrong with your natural state of security. But it’s okay — your job is to understand you are anxious and you have to move back to some sort of security, by thinking of options or taking action.

Unfortunately, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our anxiety and turn it into FEAR. Our mind has taken our present need and projected it in the FUTURE. We are no longer living in the present, but fearing for the future.

Example: Fear of speaking in public. You have a speech to give and you begin to develop stories about how you will fail and the audience's reaction.

Being In Control

We all need to be in control at some level in our lives.If we get out of control, our emotions move from Conrol to Frustration. Again, this is your body telling you something is wrong - you’re not in control of something you usually control. You need to realize something (or someone) is frustrating you and you have get back and take control of the situation.

Once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our frustration and turn it into ANGER. Our mind has taken our present need and has allowed OTHER PEOPLE & THINGS to take control. We are no longer in control of our own life, we are letting other people and things take over.

Example: Your kids. They mess up the kitchen, you get frustrated, and your mind moves to anger. It happens to me ALL the time (they're boys).

Feeling Adequate

Feeling adequate is a strong emotional need in our lives. If we suddenly feel inadequate, we quickly start feeling disappointed or sad. Again, it's fine — your sadness is telling you to move back and regain your adequacy in one way or another.

And once again, we let our brain take over and let our feelings ‘corrupt’ our adequacy and turn it into GUILT. Our mind has taken our present need and has projected it in the PAST. We are no longer living in the present, but worrying about the past.

Example: Someone says something you don’t quickly grasp. You begin to feel sad you never received a graduate degree, and you feel guilty.

Got it? Dr. Mandell’s position is to move quickly from the past, future, & people/things and get into the “I AM” or present state.

The way I interpret it: You can’t change the past, it’s difficult to change people/things, and stop worrying about the future — live in the present and take action.

What do you do when you are insecure, not in control, or feeling inadequate at work?

Image provided by Jonas Nilsson Lee at Unsplash.

Are You Throwing Happiness Out The Window?

Lately, a lot of people feel 'stuck' in their life. Why?

• Because of their past decisions leading up to the present.
• Because of the possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• Because of the economy.

This is what I call "Not Living In The Present". Why? Let's look at the three reasons again:

• PAST GUILT: Past decisions leading up to the present.
• FUTURE FEAR: Possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• DISPLACED ANGER: The economy.

Past Guilt

Blaming actions in the past that you feel are affecting the present. You are currently not feeling 'adequate' to attempt to jump to a new job because of your past failings, lack of knowledge/experience, or some other situation that might have happened to you.

Solution: You can't do anything about it. Stop frustrating yourself because of things that have happened in the past and start dealing with the qualities, experience, and talents that you currently have. Make a list - you will surprise yourself.

Future Fear

Being scared of the future may be real to you, but in reality, a waste of your time and energy. Why? You are predicting the future . . . if you knew exactly what was going to happen, go buy a lottery ticket. We hold ourselves back because we are insecure of what 'might' happen and we begin to concoct elaborate stories in our head to make them real.

Solution: Deal with your anxiety about the future — start making a plan based on reality and move from fear back into a strong secure place in your head and life. Sit down and map out specific goals you want to accomplish and those activities and tasks that will get you there. Add a timetable and you are done!

Displaced Anger

Blaming other people or forces about your misery is a common practice with many of my clients. Because of the marketplace, the economy, your clients, or a crazy boss, you are eliminating all ability to take control of the situation. There are always other options to any situation, unfortunately, we tend to throw them out the window and begin to blame things we cannot control.

Solution: Uncover, understand, and focus on the things you CAN control. Start breaking down your frustrations with outside forces and other people and begin to see opportunities that were hidden from you. The best way to do this is to state your situation, come up with alternatives, and brainstorm options, no matter how crazy or outlandish they are. You'll find that some of these options quickly turn into opportunities.

Start living in the present. You will be much happier and have abundant energy to change where you are NOW.