Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.
[ted id=1569]
This talk was presented at an official TED conference.
I was sitting in church last night during our Maundy Thursday service and as I was reading along in the cantata, one word kept popping up. GRACE.
And I realized, we all can do with a little more GRACE in our lives in how we treat other people. Honestly, when was the last time you used the word GRACE in conversation?
As you know, this is a business and career blog — so how do I incorporate GRACE into that?
The definition of GRACE is:
As a noun — simple elegance or refinement of movement or conversation.
As a verb — to do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.
So here goes:
TAKE ACTION: Over the next week (or two), take a Post-It note and write GRACE on it. Whenever you have an opportunity to interact with another person, add a bit more of YOUR GRACE to the conversation.
You might not only surprise yourself — others will be surprisingly impressed.
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Sometimes, it's hard enough to get through the entire day. So I've research a number of psychological business 'life hacks' to help you accelerate the painful portions of your day and make them a little bit brighter. Always listen and find people's soft spots. Instead of being confrontational, be kind and also play those points. What they don't like, don't like to hear, what they like to eat, to do, to listen to. One minute of listening will open the gates to whatever you want to do with that person.
Compliment first. Sometimes I have conferences with parents and they come in on the defense. I find that complimenting them right away helps to ease into conversation and allows me to dominate more of the conversation. This helps in many other situations as well.
Get things done. Pretend you have a 5 minute deadline for just about anything. You'd be amazed what you can get done IN A HURRY. Shit that would have normally taken you a week.
Look good. If you praise someone to another person, that person is likely to attribute the positive qualities you mentioned to you. I remembered this one when my boss, during a performance evaluation, used the same 3 positive words to describe me that I'd used to describe a coworker a couple of months earlier.
Do you have a rival? Or just someone who seems to dislike you, ask them for a favor. It will completely overhaul their outlook. This is known as the Ben Franklin effect as he documented it quiet thoroughly with the delegate from Delaware.
Someone yelling at you? When someone is having a breakdown, even if they are targeting you and verbally attacking you, don't make yourself the victim. Listen to what they say, and speak to them calmly and rationally. Once they are calmed down, tell them how it made you feel and how they may have been in the wrong. When people are having a breakdown, their emotions have full control of them and you letting your emotions take over is only going to make things worse. Just remember, if someone is acting this way, its not to hurt you, its because they feel hurt. And they will be much more willing to admit it if you treat them as the victim and yourself as the offender. At least until they calm down.
Want to make friends? If you want someone to like you in any given situation try not to wholly disagree with their opinions. Instead, initially show some resistance to their statement(s) and as time progresses, begin to show them that you are coming around to their idea/ that perhaps you have changed your view. The fact that they believe they have changed you opinion something positive about your interaction that they won't forget.
Want to be attractive? Wear red. For women, the color red makes them exponentially more attractive. Research has shown that men will go to great lengths to do things for a woman in red that they would not do otherwise like give her money or even carry her across the street.
Interview body language. So something that we do that we don't realize is mirror the body language of people that we like, like our friends. If they sit crossed legged, we will. If they touch their face, we will. This goes back to the subconscious will to be more like the people that we respect. You can kind of "force" this though, say in an interview. Put a conscious effort into mirroring the body posture of your interviewer, but don't be obvious about it. Be nice and subtle. This will trick their mind into thinking they like you. After all, you are doing similar things with your body, why not!
Get them to talk about themselves. People are selfish and they love talking about what they do. Ask your interviewer as many questions about what they do for work and really listen. They will walk away from the interview in a good mood because they got to talk about themselves and they will then think that the interview went well.
Schedule meetings as early as possible. There's a ton of cognitive psychology research about the primacy effect which essentially states that items are more memorable if they are presented earlier. So if you're meeting with someone where the person will literally be in meetings all day, you will be more memorable if you go first. If you are unable to be first go last. Similarly, there is research about the recency effect, which states that items are also memorable if they are presented last, though the primacy effect is more reliable. Just try not to be stuck in the middle.
Are you debating a position? Don't give your stance first. Give your argument. In some self interest research that I did myself in my undergrad, I found that your persuasiveness is fragile and dependent on your social identity. For example, if you came out and say "I'm an atheist and this is what I believe," you are already seen as less persuasive and more biased because people already know why you are arguing what you're arguing; you have something to gain by convincing people. You're an atheist. What you should do is not say you're an atheist at all. Say "this is what I believe..." Because people don't have an assumption already in their mind, they will be more likely to view you as less biased. Bonus points if you're on the opposite side. For example, a conservative arguing for gay rights is going to be viewed as very persuasive and not biased at all because they literally have nothing to gain from holding that viewpoint while a homosexual arguing for gay rights does have something to gain and thus is seen as more biased.
Have to make or present an important choice? People will incline to chose the last choice presented to them. In her case, this worked because asking "Should I take a note (for said person) or will you call back yourself?" would lead people to calling back themselves much more often making her work easier. Now this doesn't work with all questions ("Do you want to go to Venice or Rome for holidays?") but it usually works with questions where the choice isn't that important. "Do you want to eat pizza or takeout Chinese?" is another good one. Put the choice you want them to take as the last one and pray they take the bait. Another protip: DON'T let them know you do this, or they may think you're putting your choice as the last one when that ain't necessarily true.
Want more confidence? You can affect your testosterone levels and convey mroe confidence by, simply, streching out and making yourself as big as possible for periods of 2 minutes! Watch this video. It WORKS!
Information for this article gathered from Reddit.
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Been there, done that. Because of the economy and marketplace, many seemingly normal environments are slowly turning into ‘high-performance’ workplaces (HPW). In addition, if you are working at a startup or within a certain industry (PR, Advertising, Tech, etc.), you might encounter this situation all the time. Here are some tips to help you understand, cope, and succeed in your career:
I ordered new running shoes from Zappos the other day. If you've ever ordered from Zappos — you'll know they sometimes don't have the best prices. But they do deliver the best customer service.
When I say "CUSTOMER SERVICE", it isn't specific to business owners. If you work in corporate, CUSTOMER SERVICE is critical — you have CUSTOMERS above you, along side you, and below you. When you work at an organization, it's formal Human Resources name is "interpersonal communication".
To survive, you need to keep your customers engaged, happy, and wanting more of your products and services. So without further ado — here they are:
From the initial screens, to the multiple angles, to the highly-descriptive videos Zappos makes you feel right at home choosing your merchandise. Everything is clear, and open and they really don't try to hard-sell you. In addition, they promote their core values at the bottom of every page to let the customer know what philosophies are guiding every business interaction.
When I say WOW, I want you to look at everything you do for your boss, customer, or client. At every juncture, how can you do a little bit better? How can you elevate every touchpoint and anticipate their needs? How can you reach out and make every interaction more streamlined and pleasurable?
Zappos remembers ALL of your purchases. A year after I bought a pair of Merrell Jungle Mocs, I received an email to let me know it's been a year and if I'd like to buy another pair. Although my pair is in good shape and I didn't need another pair just yet — the thought of receiving a card is impressive.
When was the last time you reached out to your current client base to remind them of a service or product? How about a new service or product? How about a simple card appreciating their business? You can do almost anything and make the customer feel special.
I had a slight snafu with one of my orders — I ordered it on the regular Zappos site and not the VIP site (we order a lot of shoes). The end result — shoes I thought were arriving that day were delayed by a few days. On the phone, the Zappos representative was helpful and was able to expedite the shipment. In addition, they sent me an email with a $25 credit to apply to my next purchase. WOW.
If something goes wrong — fix it immediately. Don't wait for it to 'go away'.
First, you need to be instantly accessible to allow your clients to access you. All of my clients have a direct line to me — so they can either call or email me. If it's an emergency, I get back the them ASAP. If it's just a question, 24 hours is fine. But I am there — they don't sit in my inbox for weeks or are relegated to my voicemail for eternity. I get back to them. And they can access me instantly.
Second, if there is something wrong, ask questions and then LISTEN. Most people try to fix the problem without listening to the entire story. Your customer first and foremost want you to empathize with their situation. So your job is to ask questions for clarification and listen to them until they run out of steam. Then empathize with them — "I'm so sorry to hear that happened." or "Let's see what we can do to solve your problem."
Finally, if YOU screwed up — apologize and give them a token of appreciation. A discount, a gift, flowers, take them out to lunch, whatever. A small token of acknowledgement and a gift will not only go the distance, they will be your customer forever.
A number of years ago, I turned 40 and for my birthday, a good buddy from college sent me a book. I read that book in two days and it totally changed my vision, my perspective and my life. That book was "Tuesdays With Morrie". If you haven't read it, pick it up TODAY. It taught me that life is fleeting and to spend each day enjoying life, your work, your family, and your friends. I spent too much time worrying at my job and seeing too many projects deferred by bad management. I experienced too many manager making too many bad decisions based on emotions and politics and not on facts and ethics. I realized I was no longer doing what I really wanted to do.
It took three 'insights' to help me realize my situation and deliver a solution.
My first insight was Tuesdays With Morrie.
My second insight was signing up for the Dale Carnegie course and attending all 12 sessions. Not only did I meet 50 wonderful professionals from all walks of life, I had an incredible instructor who helped me better understand my future career.
My third was hiring a coach to help me make the transition. He helped me rationalize the erratic fears of leaving a six-figure position for an unknown coaching practice that might fail. But he helped me understand what needed to be done, put goals and activities in place, and make the jump.
And many years later, I'm doing better every year — blowing away my past salaries and making more than I've ever dreamed. Yes — I have to work harder sometimes — but this is MY business. On the other hand, I am in COMPLETE CONTROL of my products, my promotions, what I write, what I do — and I have the flexibility many people wish for.
And the best part? I've helped hundreds of clients make the same jump from crazy corporate to owning their own business. And they hug and thank me every time they see me (they're my best cheerleaders).
So — take the plunge — step out of your comfort zone and start your own business. Come on in — the water's fine.
I leave you with Emerson, who also said (in Self Reliance): "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another."
Image provided by Monika Majkowska at Unsplash.
I spent the better part of this morning entering in a bevy of business cards into my database so every person I meet can receive my eBlast and other services from me. Candidly, it's not fun. In fact it sucks. But I break it up into manageable piles and quickly do it. I should purchase a business card scanner — but the idea of shelling out $250-$300 for one just makes my blood boil. Until they hit $99 (a reasonable price), I will continue to enter them myself.
