I Went To A Funeral Yesterday.

I published this article back in 2012, but it still has meaning today, especially during this holiday season - Rich

When was the last time you had a powerful experience? Yesterday, my sister-in-law's mom passed away - I knew her as Ditty, she was 97, and she lived a full life. She was a wonderful lady, and I was lucky to know her.

Many things happened to me during the church service, especially at the grave site and at the restaurant get-together afterward.

The Service

We all go to funerals. They are things we have to do for family members and friends. We endure them and then move on. Not this funeral.

As a deacon at my own church, I was overwhelmed by the powerful homily and eulogy. First of all, I rarely get to experience a service in a Catholic church — it was very moving. Father Richard Futie (Ditty's cousin) guided everyone through a myriad of emotions — praise, remembrance, sorrow, humor, and most of all, love.

His role was the hardest of all — to help each of us handle our grief and help us move on in life. In my opinion, it's one of the hardest 'speaking' jobs anyone could ever tackle.

The Eulogy was given by a family friend and a fellow coach (which I surprisingly found out later!) — Danny Martin. He brought singing, stories, love, and remembrance to the part of the service. He made us remember that Ditty experienced all the events of the 20th and 21st centuries — from World War I to the iPad. It was wonderful.

In addition, Father Futie began the wake (the previous night before) by explaining what a wake really is and where the name 'wake' is derived. I originally thought it would be a 'yawner' — but Father Futie caught my attention, made me sit up, and relive this wonderful woman's life.

The Grave Site

I've gone through the death of both parents, and I can tell you the grave site is the hardest of all for everyone. It's the final goodbye. I held it together through the wake and funeral service, but when I had to say goodbye to each of my parents, I was a wreck.

Father Futie again made the entire service a deeply religious experience, yet he also ensured that it was short and focused. Everyone was moved, and it was a fitting experience to all place flowers on the casket.

The Get-Together

At the restaurant afterward, family and friends all ate great food and spoke lovingly about Ditty. Danny again regaled us with his entire song, and family and friends stood up to speak about how Ditty impacted each of their lives. We laughed, we sang, and we all healed one another.

When you run into unexpected experiences which change your life — grab and hold onto them tightly. They are experiences that change you for the better and make you stronger.

Stand Out From The Crowd With The Right Communication Skills.

I've invited Erin Ardleigh, President of Dynama Insurance and one of the best professionals I know, to give you a few tips on successful communication in business: I say “insurance salesperson”… You think, let me guess, “pushy”, “slick”, “fast talker”. Maybe you think of the stereotypical, unrelenting salesperson, such as Ned Ryerson, the schoolmate turned insurance salesman intent on selling life insurance to poor Phil, Bill Murray’s character in the film, Groundhog Day.

Well, I have to admit, I’m an insurance salesperson. As the founder and president of an insurance brokerage, I have to contend with the negative stereotypes that many people have about my industry. In my uphill battle to distinguish myself and earn my clients’ trust, I’ve found that communicating clearly and effectively is crucial to my success. I’ve worked with Jayne Latz of Corporate Speech Solutions to improve my elevator pitch, public speaking, and overall communication skills. Here are the tools that have helped me the most:

1. Listen, REALLY Listen. This sounds simple and obvious, but so few people truly do it. I try to start a meeting by asking a few questions, listening to the other person and learning what is important to them.  I love to hear my clients’ life stories – how they built their businesses and what their kids are up to – and they love to talk about their passions. Listening helps build a relationship, and lets people know I’m not there just to push a product at them.

2. Speak Clearly And Slowly. In my industry, there are a lot of product names, technical terms and acronyms. It’s easy to confuse a client with all of the ‘lingo’. My team never uses acronyms, even if we think the abbreviation is obvious, because we want to be certain that our client understands us. For example, long term care insurance is never just “LTC”. We speak slowly when using technical terms and give our clients time to write notes, if they like.

I’ve traveled extensively, and it’s made me realize just how quickly New Yorkers speak! When I’m talking with someone that speaks English as a second language, I am mindful of the speed of my speech and the enunciation of my words. I’ve adopted the same approach with clients, since insurance really does seem like a foreign language to many people!

When addressing a room, Jayne taught me to always take a slow, deep breath first, to smile, and to pause and count to three after saying my name and before saying my company name. I want my audience to hear my name and company name clearly so they can follow up with me!

3. Be Aware Of Your Body Language. If you’re focusing only on your speech, you’re missing a big part of effective communication. Most of us have distracting habits that we are not aware of: some people put their hands in their pockets, or nervously click a pen, others sway while standing and speaking. Having Jayne film me while I gave my elevator speech was an eye opener. I have the habit of using my hands a lot while I am speaking. Jayne helped me to use gestures to accentuate my message rather than distract from it. I make sure that my message is consistent, through both verbal and non verbal communication.

In business, we all need to communicate effectively, which takes training and practice. I think every business owner would benefit from communications coaching. (Having an amazing executive coach like Rich Gee doesn’t hurt either!) I, for one, am committed to continually improving my verbal and non verbal communication skills.

Now, if only I could bump into Bill Murray!

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Erin Ardleigh is the President of Dynama Insurance, an independent insurance brokerage that emphasizes transparency and education as part of the insurance planning process.  Dynama Insurance offers life, health, disability and long term care insurance as well as complimentary reviews of existing policies.  www.dynamainsurance.com

Jayne Latz of Corporate Speech Solutions is an expert in communication skills. For over 25 years she has worked as a speech-language pathologist, professional speech trainer and coach and has co-authored two books titled, Talking Business: A Guide to Professional Communication and Talking Business: When English is Your Second Language.  www.corporatespeechsolutions.com

10 Tips For More Successful Presentations.

Yesterday, I presented in front of a Fortune 50 organization and spoke on the subject of 'Closing The Sale'. It's a near and dear topic with me and I feel EVERYONE needs to always brush up on their closing techniques. I was so happy to receive hearty applause from the group when I finished — many team members came up to me afterward to shake my hand. During the entire morning, I realized I've 'built-in' a number of successful habits when I deliver presentations and I thought I would relate them to you — so here goes:

1. Pack up the night before.

I check (and double check) all of my files, my laptop, my projector and all of the peripherals/cables needed the night before. I ensure they are packed and ready to go in the morning. I know of so many instances when people forget things for their presentation — a cable, adapter, handouts, etc. and it makes them spin into a tizzy prior to their presentation. Prepare.

2. Arrive early.

Really early. Hours early. I arrived at my location at 6 AM to set up my laptop, projector and to check if everything was ready to go. I can't stress this enough — nothing went wrong, but if something was amiss, I had ample time to repair it.

3. Greet everyone as they come in.

I make it a point to stand by the door to greet people as they enter. It breaks down the 'wall' which develops with presenters and the audience. They get to meet you, ask questions, you can ask questions of them — it's a win-win for everyone. In addition, you can find out more about them and position your talk to their needs.

4. Build an intro slide.

I always have my laptop powered up, my projector running and an intro slide with me welcoming people. Usually my slide would say GOOD MORNING TEAM! It's a nice way to greet people AND it is a great excuse to have my entire setup on and ready to roll for my presentation. I hate when presenters are introduced and they are fidgeting with their laptop, projector, and cables to get everything running.

5. Ask if everyone is 'READY'.

I always begin with a slide (after the title slide and introduction) to stop and ask the audience if they're ready. It jolts them at first but then I get a resounding 'YES!' and their attention is on me and their blood is pumping.

6. Ask a lot of questions.

I make it interactive and ask the audience a lot of questions — "Has this happened to you?" — "How do you feel about this?" It allows me to keep the volley moving between speaker and audience.

7. Use the audience as examples.

During my pre-talk greet with the audience, I get to know their names, professions, and some of their worries. During my presentation, I might use them to reinforce a point I'm making by singling them out and using them in a fictitious example. They always agree with me and everyone around them gets the message — they could be next!

8. Watch the clock.

I always ensure I've locked down the EXACT length and time to present. Hosts ALWAYS try to cut it short, so I make sure I meet with them prior to the talk and clearly define MY time on stage. I then reiterate my start time and end time and in a very nice way let them know not to cut it short. It seems every host has a secret need to let their people out early and I have to head that inkling off at the pass.

9. Always leave time for questions.

Know when to stop and leave time for the audience to expand on what you just presented. Not only does it clear up some things for them, it allows them to flourish you with accolades in front of the audience.

10. Be available after the talk.

I always buffer additional time after all of my speaking gigs to allow the audience to meet me, speak with me, ask questions, and exchange cards. I get a LOT of business that way. So stick around and be available — I find there usually is a line of people ready and willing to reach out and touch you.

Social Media Is Ruining Your Life.

How many text messages do you send in a day? How many emails? Tweets? Foursquares? How many quotes/photos/links do you post on Facebook? Pinterest? How many sites do you surf to learn about the world around you?

All of this is GOOD. But it shouldn't be the end-all of what you do to communicate every day.

Do you interact with strangers anymore? Your neighbors? The shopkeeper down the street? The man at Starbucks who makes you that perfect coffee every day?

As we stretch out via the web, we are slowly and subtly closing out many people around us. Not our friends, but those people I call "Strangers". You know, the people you DON'T know and unfortunately, they don't know you either.

As we entwine our lives with more and more social media outlets, it allows us to forgo the opportunity to reach out to people we touch everyday — the waitress, the auto mechanic, the crossing-guard at the school — and have a meaningful conversation with them.

Honestly, we don't even have to talk to them anymore — they are not only strangers, they are 'non-people' in our lives.

You might say — so what? But you might be missing out on your new best friend, your new boss, or your new life partner.

A better title for this post should be "Start A Conversation".

In the next few days, start a conversation with 3-5 strangers whom you wouldn’t normally talk to:

Ask them a question, make them laugh, or give them a compliment (I really like how your arranging those oranges - how do you do that?). You also need to get a response back — and if the opportunity presents itself, have a conversation.

But this is my charge to you — you have to do it this week. Make it happen.

Powerpoint: Do You Make These 5 Simple Slide Mistakes?

I can't tell you how many BAD presentations I've sat through. Let's just say — a lot. My major pet peeve centers around what your presentation slide background looks like. Now before you start your protestations (i.e., executives from organizations) — I totally understand you might have to stick with an approved slide background. I truly feel sorry for you. I was an executive for 20 years and for all internal (and many external) presentations, I broke the rules. No one ever took me to task — ever.

But here are my thoughts (in no special order):

1. "I have to have my logo on each slide!"

No you don't. Maybe your company requires you to have it there, but if you really looked into it, you probably don't need to.

Most of the time, you will need to begin (and end) the presentation with your logo, but for all intents and purposes, the inner slides will only need the information you're presenting. Now if you need to send/distribute the presentation, that's another story — see #5.

Slide real estate is at a premium and the inclusion of a repetitive logo on each slide (and the accompanying buffer around it) is a WASTE OF SPACE. Remember — the object of each slide is to be open, simple, and uncluttered so the audience can focus on the message. Repetitive logos, slide numbers, dates, and titles are not required.

2. "I have to have my company's colors on each slide!"

No you don't. Think of FedEx - purple and orange - imagine a background of purple and orange. OMG. Your job is to present a message to your audience — not hit them over the head with each slide. We've already dispatched the logo, let's work on the background colors.

When you work with a number of colors, shapes, or repetitive images, you are muddying the message. It's as if the audience is wearing 3D glasses and the movie isn't 3D. When you have a number of colors, shapes, lines, or gradations, it just makes it harder to see the font on the screen. Especially if the gradation moves from light to dark — try placing a phrase in black on a background that has a gradation from white to black. You won't see some of the letters — making it hard to read — equals lost message. It also looks juvenile.

3. "The audience can't see the words on my slide when I project on a screen!"

This happens ALL the time. Why? All projectors, screens, and room lighting are different — so you need to compensate for these changes. What I do is always work with a white background — you can never lose with white. It brightens up the screen, takes advantage of any projector bulb's shortcomings, and keeps people's focus on the screen. In addition, colors look brighter.

You can also use a black (or dark) background. But I find it tends to darken the whole room and adds a somber edge to the experience. Steve Jobs used a slightly-graded background for his presentations — but he had perfect stage lighting. Try it — you might like it. One caution — if you like to use images, sometimes their background is white — so you'll have to do some Photoshop magic to make the background around them transparent. That's why I stick with white.

4. "I have to stick to the 'Powerpoint-approved' template!"

No you don't. Honestly, they suck. They stick with boring fonts, the leading (space between each line of text) is not the best, and their choice of bullets . . . terrible. The only way for you to personalize the presentation (to your subject) is to start fresh and choose your own layout. Once you lock it in — stick with it — it will then be easy for you to replicate again and again and again.

In addition, you don't want your presentation looking generic or like another person's presentation. Candidly, when I see a canned 'Powerpoint-approved' background presentation, I think two things:

1. This person has no idea what they're doing. They're whole presentation is suspect.
2. This person really doesn't care about the look and feel of their presentation. They've rushed it.

5. "Projecting and printing are two totally different deliverables!"

So they can look different. In fact, they can look like two totally separate deliverables. Why?

1. One is for projecting on a screen in front of an audience with commentary from you. The audience is focusing on you and using the slideshow as an accompaniment to bolster your message.
2. The other is for silently reading at one's desk. Two different deliverables. You do need a logo or copyright on each page because the presentation might be pulled apart and distributed to other people. Also, it's frequently printed on white paper, so the use of complex and colorful backgrounds (and fonts) might interfere with the final printed product. In addition, if you have to email it, eliminating most (if not all) images will dramatically affect the size of the emailed file.

I run into these five mistakes at least once a week and it's a train wreck when it happens. In fact, I see a presenter (who is an accomplished academic and speaker) who sabotages their own presentation by making all five of these mistakes.

3 Steps To A Perfect Presentation.

I'm asked frequently by clients and colleagues alike how I construct my presentations (see a typical slide to the right). Here's my secret (I keep it simple and direct):

Step One: Who Is Your Audience & What Do You Want Them To Take Away

This is the most important step that most executives and speakers forget. The usual process is to pick a topic and brain-dump into Powerpoint until you hit the requisite 75 slides. You’re done!

Not so fast. You first need to begin by clearly stating:

Why you are speaking? What information are you trying to deliver? What is the outcome — what is the real reason you are speaking? Convince a group? Make money? Get clients? Get this down first — it impacts everything else you do.

Why does the audience care? Why are you an expert at this? Have you done it before? Successfully? Audiences need an immediate expectation that what they are going to hear (and learn) works. I usually tell a story that give them the assurance that I've been there/done that.

What do they really want? Build to your audience. Are they going to take a lot of handholding or are they on-board immediately? Keep your presentation flexible to accommodate both audiences. You can prepare while building the presentation or handle while speaking to them. I do both. They also want 'Broadway' - be funny, engaging, empathetic — feel their pain, but have fun.

Oh . . . and never build slide that look like this (no bullets) ➝ ➝ ➝ ➝

What are the main ‘packets’ of info they can grab and run with? What is the end result? What items can they take home and try? Develop action steps for them to use immediately after the presentation. This is key — most speakers just give info — you need to deliver action steps for success.

Step Two: Structure - Build The Framework

• Intro - Set the stage, get them to agree with your premise immediately.
• Energy - Get them active, wake them up. Yell "Good Morning" or get them to stretch.
• Story - Qualify your position with a real-life situation. People LOVE stories.
• Contents - Tell them what you are going to present. This is how adults learn.
• Info Block #1- Structure ideas in blocks - Intro, Steps, Wrap-Up
• Info Block #2- Intro, Steps, Wrap-Up
• Info Block #3- Intro, Steps, Wrap-Up
• Action Plan - Give them homework and get them to agree to do it.
• Questions - Take 2-3 questions from the audience.
• Connection - Get them to take the next step with you.

Step Three: Assertive Editing — Less Is More

Don’t kill them with slides. Build the presentation and then try to cut it in half. How?

• Streamline - make some slides shorter, simplify some ideas.
• Incorporate - put two slides together, merge ideas.
• Retire - throw out non-essential slides, don’t trash them, just hide them (you might need them later).

Remember — for every slide there is talking. Talking takes up most of the presentation.

The worst thing you can do is to start running out of time and then flip through the remaining slides like a madman. It’s easier to buffer slides with speaking, not the other way around.

How do you structure/build your presentation to make it sing?

Want To Be Successful? This Is What You Do.

This morning, I'm speaking in front of a packed crowd at the Wilton Library on LinkedIn.

Candidly, I'm not a true 'authority' on LinkedIn, but it does help my business, and I'm presenting to business owners about how they can leverage it too.

So you want to be successful? Want to make mid-to-high six figures a year? Learn how to speak in front of people. And get good at it. It takes practice — but once you have the correct formula of presence, information, and broadway — it works.

I'm not saying that speaking is the end-all of business, it's a tool to be used to help grow your business. The more people that you are in front of and can experience your service, the more that they actually sell themselves.

Why? Speakers are at the apex of communication. Of course we have writers and actors. We also have social media. But public speaking is one of the most powerful forms of communication today. Why?

• You instantly become an authority. People still respect professionals who speak and take the information they provide at face value. Try doing that in any other medium.
• You are a billboard for you and your company. Standing up and speaking on a topic commands respect — for you and your product. It's free advertising that actually works.
• You move people with your words. You touch their heartstrings. I've had people come up to me after a keynote or workshop and hug me. You don't get that from a Tweet.
• You get true two-way communication. Attendees can meet and touch you. They can ask questions and have your personalize your response to their situation. That's special today.
• You can guide them to other products you offer. Since they have already bought into you, they are usually very interested in extending the experience by purchasing more of your services. Your here to make MONEY.

So if you want to be truly successful — learn, practice and perfect your speaking style. Today.

How To Connect With Key People.

I attended a NSA (National Speakers Association) meeting last night. I know . . . after a full day at work, I spent additional hours in a cramped, hot hotel room looking at slides. I wouldn't change it for the world.

• I met a LOT of great people just like me. People that I can help and who also can help me.
• I experienced a great speaker who gave me a LOT of great information to grow my business exponentially.
• I had fun and it energized me (and my business).

Without further ado, here are some critical tips:

1. Get Out. The hardest thing my clients, colleagues, and friends do is to not get out and meet people. Find events and GO TO THEM. My motto: The more people you meet, the more opportunities you make, the more business you close. Corollary: The less people you meet, the less opportunities you make, the less business you close. It's that simple.
2. Show Enthusiasm & Energy. Don't be manic and scary though. Keep an upbeat focus on everyone you meet. Greet with a broad smile, hearty handshake and have one item/area to personally compliment the attendee. Do what you have to do to bring up your energy, go for a walk before the talk, listen to a power song on your iPod, drink an energy drink - anything. But come with ENERGY.
3. Wear Your Own Nametag. This sounds hokey - but it works. Everyone knows your name and what you do. And . . . you name is clearly visible to everyone you meet. In addition, the speaker could see it from her vantage point and mentioned my name — although I never met her! So it works.
4. Try To Do Something For Everyone You Meet. And then follow up the next day. I know it's hard, but this is how the big boys and girls do it.
5. Do a 360°. Talk to everyone around you when you sit down. During breaks, increase the frequency and solidify the relationship. Follow up the next day (this is critical).
6. Don't Eat. Not only is it difficult to handle a plate, shake hands, eat, and maintain a conversation, chewing and talking just don't go together. Eat beforehand. You look more polished and professional if you don't eat. Did you ever spit food while talking? Not cool.

Finally, two areas that I would like to promote:

• National Speakers Association - www.nsa.org - check them out - great meetings, incredible speakers, they make it happen!
• Rebecca Morgan - this professional clearly knows her stuff on how to "Make Money In Your Jammies" - www.rebeccamorgan.com

Stupid Things People Do At The Office – You Speak & Don't Listen.

This is a fast one - so keep up with me . . . Most bosses speak more than they listen. They think they know everything. They push their views onto their staff any chance they get. And that's STUPID.

1. Shut up.
2. If you must speak, ask questions.
3. Then LISTEN.
4. Ask more questions. LISTEN.
5. Then ask your people, "What do you think you should do?"
6. That's it. They don't want to hear your stories. They don't want you to tell them what to do.
7. They want you to guide them.
8. That means that you ask questions (to get them to think about the options), LISTEN (to give them time to weigh the options verbally), and then ask them what they should do (giving them the ability to guide their own work and empowering them).

When you do this - you are actually motivating your team - allowing them to take charge of their work. This also allows you to be part of the process - to gently guide them when they might go off course or pick them up when they fall down.

So next time you have an opportunity to pontificate - Shut Up, Ask Questions, and LISTEN. You'll thank me.