Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

I've just finished one of the most powerful books I've read this year. It's by a wonderful woman named Bronnie Ware, and it focuses in on the actual voiced regrets of people she encountered when they were dying. Powerful stuff - go and pick up the book!

Here's a small excerpt:

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

You're Going To HATE What I Have To Say.

"I'm Going To Change Your Life In One Easy Step!" I get emails like this all the time. Personalities who say they will radically change your life instantly. All you have to do is believe (and spend $195, $795, 0r $8995) and you will get the secret to the riches of the universe without lifting a finger.

I just received another one today:  "Rewire your mindset to become unbeatable!" "Grow your financial fortune!" "Get ultra-fit and feel better than ever before!" "Achieve all the goals you never could achieve before!"

It's magic! And if you send them your money, they will change your life! Of course, they are highly successful, jetting around the world, filming videos in really cool places. So they must know the secret!

I get together with a number of high-level coaches each month and we are a bit perplexed with the success of these people who sell 21st century snake oil. Don't people get it? Here are some immutable rules of life:

1. Change doesn't happen overnight. It took you a long time to get where you are and it will take a little bit of determined work to get you where you want to be. Yes, you can 'change your mindset' — but the journey will be long, hard, and you will have to gird yourself against falling back into old routines.
2. You won't make seven figures right out of the gate. Unless you have a foolproof hair-growth formula (I'll buy it), incremental gains will only occur if you make the right decisions, at the right time, and deliver a powerful product/service that a lot of people see and want to buy.
3. You won't look like Ryan Gosling instantly. I don't know what 'ultra-fit' means, but after speaking with my personal trainer, it takes months/years to get (and stay) 'ultra-fit'.

Here's my 'secret' prescription for change:

• You need a roadmap. If you don't know where you are and where you want to go, you're going to fail. You also need a step-by-step plan of tasks and activities to get you there.
• You will need to focus. Don't get distracted by shiny objects — it will be hard to stay on track and not veer off into uncharted territory where you might get demotivated.
• You are going to test your limits of confidence and work. It's going to be hard at times — you will have to push yourself more than you ever have before.
• You are going to have to be open to change a few key things in your life. Bad habits and decisions are hard to break — you have to chart a new course and stay on it.
• You are going to make many mistakes along the way. It's a fact of business — take chances and you might fail. It's how you stand up and keep going.
• You are going to have to make a LOT of new friends. You have to reach out farther than you ever have before — meet people who are scary — make hundreds of new friends.
• You need a little luck. Yes, luck. Luck appears when you open yourself up to new opportunities, options, and friends. And you cast away bad habits and procrastination.

Think of the new successful tier of business - Tim Cook (Apple), Brin & Page (Google), Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Mark Zuckerberg (Facebook), Jack Ma (Alibaba), etc. They all have and currently work quite hard at their roles to get and stay where they are today. Want to be highly successful? Want to be a star? You have to work it.

"There's no such thing as a free lunch."

Great Business Lessons From The Movies – Jerry Maguire.

WOW - What a wonderful movie. It's a love story, a coming of age movie, and building strong friendships, all mixed with humor and pathos. And so many business rules. So here they are:

"Show me the money!" - Rod Tidwell (video)

You work to make money. So many people forget this. I know — there's the satisfaction, the notoriety, the use of your talents, etc. But at the end of the day, you need to take a signed check home. And most people forget this.

When it comes to asking for a price for their services, most people either bunt or balk. They don't realize the money discussion is key to any business transaction. And most people think their begging or putting out their client.

I remember a proposal I was putting together — I was asking $15K for the work. My wife reviewed it (she reviews everything!) and she said to double it to $30K. I thought she was crazy — but I did it. And the client quickly accepted.

“Hey, I don’t have all the answers. In life, to be honest, I failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my wife. I love my life. And I wish you my kind of success.” - Dicky Fox, Jerry's mentor (video)

You're going to fail. And succeed. Don't worry about one or the other. Just do your best and keep swinging.

Learn from your failures and celebrate your successes.

"Help me… help you. Help me, help you." - Jerry Maguire (video)

If you position everything you do to help other people, you will make a lot of money and be gainfully employed for many years.

The minute you veer from this tenet and start doing busy work — you'll find your job prospects drying up quickly.

"It’s not show friends. Its show business." - Bob Sugar (video)

You are not out to make friends — you are there to deliver service.

This is true with your clients, the office, organizations, etc. Concentrate first on business and if friends come later, fine. Not the other way around.

Want to read Jerry Maguire's Mission Statement? Click here.

What are your favorite quotes from Jerry Maguire?

POST YOUR QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS BELOW

P.S. Which quote resonated clearly with your career? Which one made you think twice? Let's talk. I've worked with a number of clients — and we developed a successful strategy to grow your career exponentially. If you’re not a client . . . pick up the phone and call me — I offer only one complimentary session each week.

Image: Royalty-Free License from Dollar Photo Club 2014. Over 25 million images, only $1 each.

To Grow Your Business, Leave Your Door Open Whenever Possible.

If you've ever been to college, this is THE small piece of advice that my brother gave me when I went off to school: "If you want to fit in and make a LOT of friends at college, leave your door open whenever possible." Why? Because:

• People will wander in.
• You are opening your world to them.
• You are showing them a piece of your universe.
• You are showing them that you are open to their presence (and not closed like a shut door would).

I took my brother's advice and kept my door open whenever I was in my room. It might have impacted my grades a bit, but I was probably friends with 80-90% of the students on campus (it was a small, liberal arts school).

Now let's apply this to your business — how can you "leave your door open whenever possible"? Here are some ideas:

• Be open to your current clients/customers. Make it easy for them to contact and talk to you.
• Ask for feedback often. The most successful businesses are the ones that frequently inquire and act upon customer feedback.
• If you can, meet with your clients face-to-face. I coach primarily over the phone, but I've been breaking that box and meeting with clients in-person. Guess what? They love it!
• Be flexible with your business model. When things are working and you're hitting a wall, leave the door open to new ideas and ways to do things.
• When out in the world, hide the sunglasses, iPod, newspaper. Put on a smile and interact with others. You will find yourself meeting a lot of new and interesting people.
• Ensure that any client/customer touchpoint encourages connection and conversation. Like your website, your business card, your email signature, your brochure. They should all have a direct line to you.
• Use social media (like Twitter, Linked In, Facebook, etc.) to make yourself more available to instantaneous communication with your clients and colleagues.
• Play your music loud to attract others. What I really mean here is to actively behave in a way to encourage others to find you and walk in your location. Have open houses often, invite groups to your location, mix it up with other people!
• Teach your colleagues and team to leave their doors open too. You'll find that many of them have a 'closed door' mentality.

Bottom line, by just leaving your 'door' open, you are opening yourself up to many new exciting and lucrative possibilities that would normally walk right on by.

P.S. If you think of any other "leave your door open whenever possible." ideas, let me know!

Social Media Is Ruining Your Life.

How many text messages do you send in a day? How many emails? Tweets? Foursquares? How many quotes/photos/links do you post on Facebook? Pinterest? How many sites do you surf to learn about the world around you?

All of this is GOOD. But it shouldn't be the end-all of what you do to communicate every day.

Do you interact with strangers anymore? Your neighbors? The shopkeeper down the street? The man at Starbucks who makes you that perfect coffee every day?

As we stretch out via the web, we are slowly and subtly closing out many people around us. Not our friends, but those people I call "Strangers". You know, the people you DON'T know and unfortunately, they don't know you either.

As we entwine our lives with more and more social media outlets, it allows us to forgo the opportunity to reach out to people we touch everyday — the waitress, the auto mechanic, the crossing-guard at the school — and have a meaningful conversation with them.

Honestly, we don't even have to talk to them anymore — they are not only strangers, they are 'non-people' in our lives.

You might say — so what? But you might be missing out on your new best friend, your new boss, or your new life partner.

A better title for this post should be "Start A Conversation".

In the next few days, start a conversation with 3-5 strangers whom you wouldn’t normally talk to:

Ask them a question, make them laugh, or give them a compliment (I really like how your arranging those oranges - how do you do that?). You also need to get a response back — and if the opportunity presents itself, have a conversation.

But this is my charge to you — you have to do it this week. Make it happen.

"What would you think if I sang out of tune?"

"What would you think if I sang out of tune,Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song, And I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh I get by with a little help from my friends." - With a Little Help from My Friends - Lennon/McCartney

Yesterday was a powerful day for me. Thursday is my networking day and I met over 100 people starting at 6:00 AM all the way to 8:00 PM. A long day.

But I was energized when I got home.

Here's a quick synopsis:

5-6 AM - Commute (beat the traffic!) 6-7 AM - Blog at Starbucks, meet new people. 7-9 AM - BNI Networking Meeting - My Sales Force. 9-11 AM - Catchup Meeting with an influential force in Finance. 11-2 PM - Lunch and Brainstorming meeting with a future partner. 2-4 PM - Meeting with a new colleague - helping with his job situation. 4-6 PM - Mastermind/Networking Group - a great time was had by all. 6-8 PM - Client's Grand Re-Opening Celebration - lots of networking. 8-9 PM - Commute home (listen to motivational audiobooks).

I made a lot of new friends and deepened relationships with many current ones.

Bottom line — this is the life-blood of my business and career.

An esteemed colleague quoted Michael Gerber last night, "Most entrepreneurs fail because you are working IN your business rather than ON your business." He couldn't be more correct.

I came home last night with a pile of new business cards, a bunch of referral slips, and a small list of to-do's to get out by the end of the day today.

I made new friends. I deepened relationships with current friends. And I hope I helped a few people along the way.

That's the profession I've chosen — and I love it every single day.

What do you do to make new friends during the work-week?