What Would Happen If You Disconnected From Email?

Take a trip with me. You have your smartphone and you unlink your email settings from your email server, making it impossible to receive email on your smartphone. You could probably still access your email via the browser on your smartphone — but that is so time-consuming, you'd rather not.

Your last email to your team, clients, and colleagues is to let them know you will be checking email at regular intervals during the day while you are at the office and if there is an actual emergency, to call you on your smartphone. But for all intents and purposes, you are not reading or responding to emails when you're not in the office.

What would happen?

1. You might get a few more phone calls.

But that's not a terrible thing. Instead of getting into a viscious email communication chain on some obscure topic, you can probably handle it with a quick 3-5 minute call. And you can group your callbacks and keep them short.

2. You get more organized and focused when you did access your email at the office.*

Initially, it would build up. But as team members, clients, and colleagues would notice, email would cease to be a primary communication vehicle for you. Since you only had a limited amount of time to read your email, you would only focus on those emails that were from key members of your team or were directly sent to you. Anything else most likely can fall by the wayside. *I totally understand if you spend 90-100% of your time away from the office — your smartphone is critical. But what would happen if you just checked emails when you opened your laptop? Or if you checked your smartphone at discreet times during the day and not ALL the time?

3. You would get slower replying to email.

No more quick responses — email is not texting or twitter. In fact, I would ask you not to use those tools either. The whole idea is to limit interruptions to your day to be able to focus on the important and strategic things happening in your life. If it's tactical- or emergency-based use the phone.

4. You would get faster communicating with your staff, clients, and colleagues.

No more long-winded emails — no death-defying email chains that go on forever. Just small phone interruptions (or grouping of phone calls) to connect and engage, manage, or inform. You can get a reputation of fast phone calls, keep them to 1-2 minutes or less and focus on the task at hand and make decisions or take action. Email prolongs debate — how many times have you been put through the email wringer with various vicious email cycles?

A number of clients of mine have done this and they've found a significant lightening of their load AND they are getting more things done. Why?

Email is not a very good communication vehicle.

It takes a long time to compose an email, there are many instances when you do give direction and someone doesn't see it, or the email message is misconstrued in a way where you come of yelling or reprimanding. Bottom line - email is not 'two-way' communication — it's a broadcast medium. In fact, it's worse, when you run into CC: and BCC: transmissions of the same email.

These reactive responses deliver the wrong message — not promoting or pushing projects and people forward — they actually get into email ruts. Trust me — I've been there.

Finally, email turns into heroin for some people. You know who you are — reading your email constantly like a stock ticker — responding instantly to people. How much productivity is wasted with this type of communication? What might be a better way of communicating?

So if you're brave — try unlinking your email today. If you just want to try it, don't check your email at all today — have an email response: "I won't be able to check my email today on my phone, please call me if it's urgent."

Go for it.

I Got A Little Gold Star On My Homework Today.

"The highest compliment you can pay a career coach is they change your life for the better with results beyond what you imagine. This is what Rich did for me through a way of coaching that showed the path, outlined requirements and gave me the tools to do it. I also know he can do it again and do it for anyone. Rich is an invaluable resource." — Rob Petersen, President & Founder at BarnRaisers

Rob - Thank you! You are the best.

How To Win The Lottery Of Your Life.

From Jeb Corliss (professional skydiver and base jumper): Someone posted this on my page — "I think you should have a "lottery" to offer average "Joe Blows" like me, the opportunity to experience life on your scale. Especially towards the ones who appreciate life as immensely as you do."

I responded with this — That lottery exists :)

It's called hard work and sacrificing everything to live a dream. I started with nothing. I worked in a movie theater making $4 an hour. I ate ramen noodles and only spent money on jumping and nothing else. Anyone can do what I do but not by asking others to do it for you.

You have to get up off your ass and take some risks with your life. There is no safe way to do what I have done. At any turn I could have died and almost did many many times. But I kept taking the risks. I kept braking the bones. I kept watching my friends die. I never gave up and now here I am.

There is no magic leprechaun that's going to do it for you. You have to do it for your self and you have to be willing to take the risks and pay the consequences for your actions. Those consequences are pain, suffering and most likely death. So are you sure you want what I have. Because it's yours for the taking. Just grow some balls and do it.

To learn more about Jeb Corliss, check out his site, his facebook page, and his twitter page. What a guy!

The Hidden Secret Why Everyone Is Better Than You.

When you're a child, you develop an broad impression of great power in every adult you meet.

• You think doctors know how to fix people.
• Lawyers are so quick and know the law (and how to debate).
• Teachers can recite facts until you're head explodes.
• Scientists can produce rocket ships to the moon!

And then you grow up.

You encounter stupid doctors, bad lawyers, lazy teachers and careless scientists.

Somehow, dumb people are able to get through school, grab their degree, and steal that promotion.

Your next realization is how easy it is to overestimate people in general.

You think a job will be beyond your qualifications. You don't have the smarts, the knowledge, the experience. Everyone else is smarter than you. You feel like an idiot.

But in fact, you're smart . . . really smart. Just remember that. You have:

• Everything you need - all the tools and techniques.
• More experience than you think.
• A deeper knowledge base in many areas they don't even know about.
• A wider understanding of how to communicate and engage people.

And here's a deeper secret, you're probably better than them.

But they'll never let you know it.

"There are two types of people in this world. The doers and the complainers."

In 1998, aged 16, Gurbaksh Chahal dropped out of high school to work full time at his first venture, ClickAgents. ClickAgents was an advertising network focused on performance-based advertising. In 2000, ValueClick bought ClickAgents in a $40 million. In 2004, Chahal formed BlueLithium. BlueLithium specialized in behavioral targeting of banner advertising. In 2007, Yahoo bought Blue Lithium for $300 million.

This is a quote from Gurbaksh. He gets right to the point. He makes it happen.

I have two questions for you:

1. What's holding you back? Is it someone or something in your life? Or it it YOU?

2. What would life be like if you eliminated that obstacle?

Most obstacles are self-imposed. We grow things out of proportion. We make things bigger than they really are.

Do you think Gurbaksh let inner (or outer) obstacles get in his way?

I don't think so.

Why Is Everyone Acting Like A Child Today?

It's getting worse. I'm hearing it from both my business and corporate clients. There's a clear delineation between how people interact and how they run their business.

Look — I coach CEO's, CMO's, SVP's, Executives, Attorneys, Doctors, Wall Street Financiers, Business Owners, etc. So I've seen it all.

Has this ever happened to you?

• You've gone on 7-10 interviews and are ready for an offer and then suddenly they say the position is on-hold or gone.
• You've presented in front of a client multiple times and it's a done deal — then they disappear.
• Prospects show extreme interest then they don't return your calls and emails.
• Your client disappears for weeks on end then it's hurry-up, hurry-up.
• Clients who hold back payments for completed service for weeks/months or they debate the fee even though they agreed to it prior to the engagement.
• You meet someone and they show EXTREME interest in your product/service, but when you call them to confirm your lunch/coffee, they act like they don't even know you OR they never answer the phone.
• They're your friend and close client one day — and the next, they're questioning every price and moving on to another service provider.

Guess what? Here's the reason — let me break it down for you:

• 40% of the people you work with act like ADULTS.
• 30% of the people you work with act like TEENS.
• 30% of the people you work with act like CHILDREN.

What do I mean?

ADULTS - The 40%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act NORMALLY. They are responsible, they follow up on their promises, they return phone calls and emails on time, they pay on-time, and are generally easy to navigate and get along with. They're reasonable and are satisfied with the product/service delivered.

These are the keepers — treat them like GOLD.

TEENS - The 30%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act like TEENS. They are fine most of the time and are easy to do business with, but there are times when they act irrationally. For no good reason. They get emotional, they shut down, they bite back.

It's usually for a good reason — their business is hurting, they just lost a key team member or client, or the industry is changing. Unfortunately, they take it out on YOU. It's not fair, but that's business.

Most of the time — they just need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen to them. Be there for them and they will be your client for life. Be flexible, modify your offering, help them get through this bump in their career or business.

CHILDREN - The 30%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act IRRATIONALLY all the time or from the outset of your relationship. You've probably run into these people — they treat you like SHIT. They don't care if their behavior impacts your business. They see you are calling and emailing — they won't give you the benefit of a simple phone call.

These acquaintances, prospects, and clients need a firm slap in the face. At the end of the day, you really have nothing to lose. You need to get their attention in a very calculated way. Here are some suggestions:

• Stop playing nice - shut them down. Be cordial and professional, but when you call them say, "I get the feeling you might be too busy to return my calls and I understand that. Unfortunately, this will be my last communication with you. Good luck with your endeavors and I hope you have a great 2012." When you step back, they usually follow and call you.
• Escalate the interaction. Stop by their office (especially if they owe you money) and ask to see them. Say, "Hey, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by." Get in their face — smile and engage them.
• Appeal to their nobler motives (this usually doesn't work with children). Call them and let them know you've been trying to contact them for weeks or months. Say you've tried to be professional — but your just going to have to let them go. But before you hang up, give them some bait, "I had a really good prospect, report, idea, connection for you — oh well."

The most important behavior is to escalate the interaction in some way. This economy has sent a lot of people into a scarcity/cocoon mode. They don't want to make decisions (even though they know they have to), they don't want to spend money (even though it's imperative they do), and they display aberrant behavior that burns bridges constantly.

They think they can get by with this behavior — but it's just slowly digging a deep hole for them.

So when you run into an adult — cherish them! A teen — ask questions, listen, and help them through this bump. Children — escalate the interaction — you have nothing to lose.

I'd love to hear your experiences and if you have a different percentage breakdown — LET ME KNOW!

5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation - Part Two.

I didn't expect to write this post. But my last post, 5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation, garnered so many comments with suggestions of other powerful lessons . . . I just had to do a Part Two to share my readers comments with you! So without further ado . . . here are my second five lessons: 

6. Engage With New People

Tracy from my Executive Coaching group related: "One of the things I love to do is to engage with people I meet meaningfully, for example in cafes and businesses that I use. I have found the investment of time and interest in others has rewarded me hugely in feeling joyful. Don't lose the feeling and save some you, for you. Thanks for sharing such a great time."

Tracy is absolutely right - many times I had the opportunity to interact with many different people during my vacation. Since I am a slight extrovert, I tend to ask questions of people to get them talking. And I had many WONDERFUL conversations!

7. Connect With Nature

Diane from my Executive Coaching group: "I'd like to add one thing to your list, which I think you realized on the farm without saying it - connecting with nature. Nothing helps put things in perspective for you, or brings awareness to yourself, your surroundings and your connectedness with all things than being outdoors. For me, it's the north shores of Lake Superior that completely humbles me." :-)

I love how Diane simply states the obvious - take the time to notice nature - and the benefits are endless.

Also, my good friend BJ said: "Great Post Rich. Vacations are essential. Even my short trip to VT did wonders! Don't have to be an long or exotic to be mind adjusting."

8. Recapture Your Childhood

Gary from a Dale Carnegie group exclaimed: "Having just returned from a week in Mexico with my family where I turned off my phone and threw it in the hotel safe, I fully agree with your five epiphanies. I also learned that it's possible to zip-line upside down. What a rush!"

When was the last time you got permission to act like a kid? Not only is it fun — it energizes you and brings back all the playfulness of your younger years. In addition, it opens up your mind to all the possibilities (like a kid) and eliminates all of the obstacles we put in our way (like an adult).

9. Gain Self Confidence

Tom from my Entrepreneur team gave me a great quote: "Don’t put yourself on sale. This is my favorite mantra from financial guru Suze Orman. While Suze’s target audience is directed to women, the advice applies to everyone. When you skip vacations, you put yourself on sale. If you have 2-weeks of paid vacation and don’t use them, you’re essentially working for free. By committing to a vacation, you declare to yourself (and to others) that you are important and deserve dedicated time for yourself."

Tom - you are spot on target! So many people don't take the requisite time off and in the end, they suffer for it. If you don't declare that you are important, who will? When I let all of my clients know about my impending vacation, they were overjoyed to hear I will be taking time off and heartily wished me a great time. What a great send off to get!

10. Impact People You Meet

Steve's comment (from my Bulletproof Your Career club) threw me for a loop: "You get out of your social and professional circles. You are thrust into other spheres, worlds, and situations normally not encountered with your day t0 day meanderings. And when you bump into these people - they also bump into you and most of the time - are blown away with what YOU bring to the table."

When you're on vacation - you are bumping into a lot of people. People who you can affect — make their day better, get them up when their down, teach them something they may not know, or best of all — touch their soul.

I CAN'T SAY THIS ENOUGH: If you haven’t gone on vacation — GO. You can afford the time away from work. 

5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation.

I took 10 days off over the past week for a much needed vacation for me and my family. We made our way down to Maryland's eastern shore (to a family farm) and then made our way to visit Washington DC. Even though I was relaxing, I had a lot of time during our travels to think about what I learned during my vacation:

1. I disconnected from my practice.

I came back to 500+ emails — but I made sure prior to my vacation, to let all of my clients, colleagues and friends know I'd be gone and if they really needed to reach me, to call. No one called. The time away from email was energizing. Knowing every day that I could just get up and go for a swim, or a walk, or just sit and read gave me real clarity and focus.

It gave me the permission to clear out the cobwebs and focus on what really important — personally and professionally.

2. I watched people.

My disconnection allowed me to watch and engage people from all walks of life. It allowed me to see really bad service and really exceptional service during my time on the road. It

I walked around with a new sense of wonder — engaging people and asking them questions — how's your day going, what's it like to work here, do they ever see anyone famous, etc. It's amazing how animated people get when they someone takes a sincere interest in their life.

3. I built deeper connections with the people I love.

One of the most important things I did was to spend time with my family — my wife and two sons (ages 11 and 16). We had a lot of fun relaxing at the farm and then sightseeing in DC. My two favorites — seeing my 16 year old son act as tour guide while we were in DC (I was so proud) and my 11 year old son have so much fun cutting down bamboo at the farm (he is a dedicated Mythbusters fan and will tackle any project with aplomb).

In addition, I spent quality time with my life partner. She and I have known each other for over 33 years (married 22) and still learn new aspects of one another every day. This vacation grew us closer together.

4. I had time to learn.

I spent a portion of my time reading and enjoying books. I also engaged with my older brother, his wife and sons and learned a host of new things about the world around me. We didn't talk business — we talked more about the world and philosophy in general. When was the last time you did that?

5. I recharged my batteries.

Let me state — I was not 'powered-down' and in need of energy. I was okay — I was moving along just fine over the past eight months. But it's like hooking you up to a powerful energy source (as in The Avengers movie, during the fight between Iron Man and Thor - Thor hit Iron Man with a huge bolt of lightning - and suddenly, Iron Man's energy potential shot upwards of 400%).

It really got my mind working in higher gears and began to build up a reserve of energy to take me through the end of 2012. I am full of ideas and direction — stay tuned!

If you haven't gone on vacation — GO. You can afford the time away from work.

Nullam Vitae Nibh Un Odiosters

Quisque ligulas ipsum, euismod atras vulputate iltricies etri elit. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nulla nunc dui, tristique in semper vel, congue sed ligula. Nam dolor ligula, faucibus id sodales in, auctor fringilla libero. Pellentesque pellentesque tempor tellus eget hendrerit. Morbi id aliquam ligula. Aliquam id dui sem. Proin rhoncus consequat nisl, eu ornare mauris tincidunt vitae. Vestibulum sodales ante a purus volutpat euismod. Proin sodales quam nec ante sollicitudin lacinia. Ut egestas bibendum tempor. Morbi non nibh sit amet ligula blandit ullamcorper in nec risus. Pellentesque fringilla diam faucibus tortor bibendum vulputate. Etiam turpis urna, rhoncus et mattis ut, dapibus eu nunc. Nunc sed aliquet nisi. Nullam ut magna non lacus adipiscing volutpat. Aenean odio mauris, consectetur quis consequat quis, blandit a nunc. Sed orci erat, placerat ac interdum ut, suscipit eu augue. Nunc vitae mi tortor. Ut vel justo quis lectus elementum ullamcorper volutpat vel libero.

Donec volutpat nibh sit amet libero ornare non laoreet arcu luctus. Donec id arcu quis mauris euismod placerat sit amet ut metus. Sed imperdiet fringilla sem eget euismod. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Pellentesque adipiscing, neque ut pulvinar tincidunt, est sem euismod odio, eu ullamcorper turpis nisl sit amet velit. Nullam vitae nibh odio, non scelerisque nibh. Vestibulum ut est augue, in varius purus.

Proin dictum lobortis justo at pretium. Nunc malesuada ante sit amet purus ornare pulvinar. Donec suscipit dignissim ipsum at euismod. Curabitur malesuada lorem sed metus adipiscing in vehicula quam commodo. Sed porttitor elementum elementum. Proin eu ligula eget leo consectetur sodales et non mauris. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.

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Proin Sodales Quam Nec Sollicit

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Proin dictum lobortis justo at pretium. Nunc malesuada ante sit amet purus ornare pulvinar. Donec suscipit dignissim ipsum at euismod. Curabitur malesuada lorem sed metus adipiscing in vehicula quam commodo. Sed porttitor elementum elementum. Proin eu ligula eget leo consectetur sodales et non mauris. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit.

Nunc tincidunt, elit non cursus euismod, lacus augue ornare metus, egestas imperdiet nulla nisl quis mauris. Suspendisse a pharetra urna. Morbi dui lectus, pharetra nec elementum eget, vulputate ut nisi. Aliquam accumsan, nulla sed feugiat vehicula, lacus justo semper libero, quis porttitor turpis odio sit amet ligula. Duis dapibus fermentum orci, nec malesuada libero vehicula ut. Integer sodales, urna eget interdum eleifend, nulla nibh laoreet nisl, quis dignissim mauris dolor eget mi. Donec at mauris enim. Duis nisi tellus, adipiscing a convallis quis, tristique vitae risus. Nullam molestie gravida lobortis. Proin ut nibh quis felis auctor ornare. Cras ultricies, nibh at mollis faucibus, justo eros porttitor mi, quis auctor lectus arcu sit amet nunc. Vivamus gravida vehicula arcu, vitae vulputate augue lacinia faucibus.

Ut porttitor euismod cursus. Mauris suscipit, turpis ut dapibus rhoncus, odio erat egestas orci, in sollicitudin enim erat id est. Sed auctor gravida arcu, nec fringilla orci aliquet ut. Nullam eu pretium purus. Maecenas fermentum posuere sem vel posuere. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Morbi ornare convallis lectus a faucibus. Praesent et urna turpis. Fusce tincidunt augue in velit tincidunt sed tempor felis porta. Nunc sodales, metus ut vestibulum ornare, est magna laoreet lectus, ut adipiscing massa odio sed turpis. In nec lorem porttitor urna consequat sagittis. Nullam eget elit ante. Pellentesque justo urna, semper nec faucibus sit amet, aliquam at mi. Maecenas eget diam nec mi dignissim pharetra.

Nunc Tincidunt Elit Cursus

Quisque ligula ipsum, euismod a vulputate a, ultricies et elit. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Nulla nunc dui, tristique in semper vel, congue sed ligula. Nam dolor ligula, faucibus id sodales in, auctor fringilla libero. Pellentesque pellentesque tempor tellus eget hendrerit. Morbi id aliquam ligula. Aliquam id dui sem. Proin rhoncus consequat nisl, eu ornare mauris tincidunt vitae. Vestibulum sodales ante a purus volutpat euismod. Proin sodales quam nec ante sollicitudin lacinia. Ut egestas bibendum tempor. Morbi non nibh sit amet ligula blandit ullamcorper in nec risus. Pellentesque fringilla diam faucibus tortor bibendum vulputate. Etiam turpis urna, rhoncus et mattis ut, dapibus eu nunc. Nunc sed aliquet nisi. Nullam ut magna non lacus adipiscing volutpat. Aenean odio mauris, consectetur quis consequat quis, blandit a nunc. Sed orci erat, placerat ac interdum ut, suscipit eu augue. Nunc vitae mi tortor. Ut vel justo quis lectus elementum ullamcorper volutpat vel libero.

Donec volutpat nibh sit amet libero ornare non laoreet arcu luctus. Donec id arcu quis mauris euismod placerat sit amet ut metus. Sed imperdiet fringilla sem eget euismod. Pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus et netus et malesuada fames ac turpis egestas. Pellentesque adipiscing, neque ut pulvinar tincidunt, est sem euismod odio, eu ullamcorper turpis nisl sit amet velit. Nullam vitae nibh odio, non scelerisque nibh. Vestibulum ut est augue, in varius purus.

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Don't Think Too Much. Just Act.

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." - Win Borden "A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are for." - William Shedd

I wanted to hit you early this morning with a few of my favorite and powerful quotes. 

I've been doing a LOT of public speaking lately. Conferences, keynotes, expos, organizations, and corporate gigs have been littering my calendar lately. It's been a BLAST. And I've learned a lot about the people I present to.

They're scared. Not the monster in the closet with the knife scared, but a slow, rhythmic, fear that invades their life. Their thinking.

And their actions.

The markets are unsure right now. Business is unsure right now. People are unsure right now.

But this is one of the best times to strike out and do something DIFFERENT. Take a chance. Try something new. BE BOLD IN LIFE.

I promise you — there are a LOT of people out there right now making a lot of money based on their ideas, their connections, and their HUSTLE.

You can be one of them too.

So today's charge for you is to look at what you do everyday and do it differently. Make a change. Reach out to someone who you thought was untouchable. Start something new. Improve and expand what you do.

It will not only motivate and inspire you — it will energize and get everyone around you to notice your tsunami.

Make it happen.

How To Better Control Your Time.

Time is the one thing you can never get back. So you need to be careful with it, don't waste it, don't hurry through it, and use it effectively. You need to CONTROL your time.

How do you do that? It's easy and it's hard — here are some tips:

Clear Your Desk.

I know . . . it's hard. But once it's done, it is so easy to focus without any distractions to instantly pull you away from the task at hand. Also there is the visual aspect of a clean desk. You FEEL better about yourself and your surroundings. It's easier to find things and important papers don't get lost.

So here's my strategy — Pile, View, Attack/File/Toss/LCB:

1. Pile - Take everything off your desk and make a single pile of paper.
2. View - Pick up and look at each piece of paper. You must make four piles:
3. Attack - work on it immediately - something you can complete within a short amount of time.
4. File - File it away for future access.
5. Toss - Throw it away. I know it's hard - but most of your pile can go this route.
6. LCB: Last Chance Bin - get a box and place it under your desk. If you are unsure of tossing something, put it into this bin. If you need it later, it's there. If not (after 3-6 months), toss it out. This bin works wonders.

Plan Your Day.

This is the hardest and surprisingly the easiest way to get a better handle on your time. Why?

If you go somewhere or if you're on a trip, you have a destination and a route to get there. That's called a plan.

Why is it when you get to work you don't architect the same thinking for your activities, meetings, and tasks? What needs to be done — what is it's priority — and when will you complete it?

Randy Pausch developed a very simple, yet effective template to help anyone plan their day. It's made up of four quadrants:

• Due Soon and Not Due Soon
• Important and Not Important

When you look at your "Attack" pile of work for the day, you usually work through it based on time in and time out. But importance flies out the window — most people aren't working on the most important and critical tasks. This tool helps them do it.

Which ones to work on first? Upper left! Which ones to work on last? Lower right! Here's a PDF template you can use.

Work On One Thing At A Time.

This is where we all fall down. We think we can 'multi-task' our work and guess what? We never get anything done or even worse, we do things in a haphazard fashion.

Take your Attack pile and your Activity List and make your way down each item. Once it's complete, check it off. Set aside time to work on your attack pile — don't answer the phone — don't let anyone bother you — don't let anything take your focus away from the task at hand until you are DONE. You can always return that phone call 15-30 minutes later or go see the person who wanted to see you.

Also — turn your email reminders OFF. You can get back to checking email when you're DONE.

At first it will be difficult. But when you start to see a clean desk, a planned out day, and REAL progress on your work. These basic behaviors will begin to kick in. Try it!

Your Communication Skills Stink – Part Two.

Last week, I covered why communication is so important to business. Speaking with your clients, team, peers and boss are all critical to your success and are usually the nexus of problems when things go awry. See Part One here. If you break down the structure of communication, it really is the transmission of information. You say something, I respond. I say something, you respond.

It's a 'Give & Take' relationship, but sometimes the signal lines can be bad. The wires are compromised. Emotions get in the way.

And this can happen in a millisecond. It's probably happened to you — you are speaking with someone and suddenly — they shut down, they get an angry look on their face, or they bite back with venom. It's all happened to all of us — we chose the wrong word, or focused on the wrong example — and BAM! We get hit right in the nose. And it hurts.

Especially when communicating information. When selling to a prospect, instructing a team member, or speaking with a superior, one needs to be SO careful — here is the architecture of the conversation.

On one end is IDU — I Don't Understand. On the other is YDU — You Don't Understand.

IDU is the state where the person begins to shut down because you are speaking about a subject they don't know or understand. You are talking OVER their head. When it happens, the person starts to feel inferior or incompetent and they shut down.

YDU is the state where the person begins to get angry because YOU don't know or understand their situation. You are talking PAST them. When it happens, the person starts to feel angry or contempt for you — they begin to interrupt or sit and stew with anger.

IDU is on one end of the spectrum and YDU is on the other end. Your job is to remain in the middle with your communication, giving them info while ensuring you don't venture in IDU or YDU territory.

And the way to ensure this doesn't happen is to:

1. Watch for physical signals. They might start looking away or looking angry or impatient. They might not respond immediately or come back with a response that sounds frustrated or angry. On the phone, listen for typing or clicking — they are not listening, they are multi-tasking.
2. Ask questions along the way. Like: "Are you with me so far?" or "Am I speaking too quickly?" or " Do you want me to review any aspect of what I just covered?" or "Do you know this already?" This gives the receiver a chance to better understand the information and will quickly take you out of the IDU/YDU area.
3. Paraphrase their response. When they do respond, paraphrase what you just heard. This will quickly take you out of the YDU end of the spectrum.

Communication is so critical for your success — make sure it is TWO-WAY!

How The Boomers Screwed Up OR We Can All Do Better.

I've been struggling with this generational paradox for the past 5-10 years and have asked a ton of people what they think about it. This theory comes closest to what I feel happened, is happening, and probably will happen. Enjoy! Here's my basic understanding of what went down (this is a long one — so stay with me — it's really important):

The generation that birthed the Baby Boomers suffered like hell. Depression, World War II; they shouldered everything.

So when the US was growing more successful following WWII, they didn't want their children to suffer. And their kids loved this. They lived in relative safety, had a clear boogeyman to fear in the USSR and ideology to love in the US of A. They got opportunities, whether to get jobs straight out of high school, or go to college, or travel the world, or whatever. Not everyone got this, of course, since we still did have poor souls shipped out to Vietnam.

They got awesome music, got to experiment with drugs, and then got jobs alongside their hardworking, nose-to-the-grindstone parents of the "Greatest Generation". And as those parents retired and died, we were left with a overwhelming number of coddled, spoiled children running the show.

And the problem with that is that they haven't grown up. They didn't understand the hardships that drove their parents' decisions. So they made decisions that didn't aim to avoid those hardships, which has saddled us with debt, terrible regulations of tons of industries, and a number of unwanted and unwinnable wars (Iraq, Afghanistan, Drugs), which has led to Gen Xers and Millenials getting the short end of the stick, and being generally bitter about it.

Even a cursory glance at what we call the generations even gives some insight into the Boomers' thoughts toward their children compared to their parents. "Greatest Generation" vs. "Generation X". Past vs. future, and the future gets humped.

Now, that's not to say that every Boomer is like that. Plenty aren't. It's also not to say that this is a 100% correct reading of the situation, but it does seem to reflect what history has shown (so far) the Greatest Generation, Boomers, and Gen Xers to do.

I'm a firm believer in Strauss-Howe generational theory. We've repeated the same cycle of generational 'types' and social climes since the 1700's. Baby boomers are 'idealistic moralists' in favor of wars they themselves don't fight in, and they incite others to make sacrifices. The crisis they are driving us into will have to be dealt with by the scruffy, pragmatic Gen-Xers.

Here's the gist of the theory (from Wikipedia):

To date, Strauss and Howe have identified 25 generations in Anglo-American history, each with a corresponding archetype. The authors describe the archetypes as follows:

Prophet

Born in 1809 and coming of age during the Transcendental Awakening, Abraham Lincoln is identified as a member of a Prophet generation - the Transcendentals.

Prophet generations (dominant) are born after a Crisis, during a time of rejuvenated community life and consensus around a new societal order. Prophets grow up as the increasingly indulged children of this post-Crisis era, come of age as self-absorbed young crusaders of an Awakening, focus on morals and principles in midlife, and emerge as elders guiding another Crisis.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their coming-of-age fervor and their values-oriented elder leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area ofvision, values, and religion. Their best-known historical leaders include John Winthrop, William Berkeley, Samuel Adams, Benjamin Franklin, James Polk, Abraham Lincoln, Herbert Hoover, and Franklin Roosevelt. These were principled moralists who waged idealistic wars and incited others to sacrifice. Few of them fought themselves in decisive wars, and they are remembered more for their inspiring words than for great actions. (Examples among today’s living generations: Boomers.)

Nomad

Nomad generations (recessive) are born during an Awakening, a time of social ideals and spiritual agendas, when young adults are passionately attacking the established institutional order. Nomads grow up as under-protected children during this Awakening, come of age as alienated, post-Awakening adults, become pragmatic midlife leaders during a Crisis, and age into resilient post-Crisis elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their adrift, alienated rising-adult years and their midlife years of pragmatic leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of liberty, survival and honor. Their best-known historical leaders include Nathaniel Bacon, William Stoughton, George Washington, John Adams, Ulysses Grant, Grover Cleveland, Harry Truman, and Dwight Eisenhower. These were shrewd realists who preferred individualistic, pragmatic solutions to problems. (Examples among today’s living generations: Generation X.)

Hero

Young adults fighting in World War II were born in the early part of the 20th century, like PT109 commander LTJG John F. Kennedy (b. 1917). They are part of the G.I. Generation, which follows the Hero archetype.

Hero generations (dominant) are born after an Awakening, during a time of individual pragmatism, self-reliance, and laissez faire. Heroes grow up as increasingly protected post-Awakening children, come of age as team-oriented young optimists during a Crisis, emerge as energetic, overly-confident midlifers, and age into politically powerful elders attacked by another Awakening. 

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their collective military triumphs in young adulthood and their political achievements as elders. Their main societal contributions are in the area of community, affluence, and technology. Their best-known historical leaders include Cotton Mather, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan. These have been vigorous and rational institution builders. In midlife, all have been aggressive advocates of economic prosperity and public optimism, and all have maintained a reputation for civic energy and competence in old age. (Examples among today’s living generations: Millennials.)

Artist

Artist generations (recessive) are born during a Crisis, a time when great dangers cut down social and political complexity in favor of public consensus, aggressive institutions, and an ethic of personal sacrifice. Artists grow up overprotected by adults preoccupied with the Crisis, come of age as the socialized and conformist young adults of a post-Crisis world, break out as process-oriented midlife leaders during an Awakening, and age into thoughtful post-Awakening elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their quiet years of rising adulthood and their midlife years of flexible, consensus-building leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of expertise and due process. Their best-known historical leaders include William Shirley, Cadwallader Colden, John Quincy Adams,Andrew Jackson, Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson. These have been complex social technicians and advocates for fairness and inclusion. (Examples among today’s living generations: Silent and Homelanders.)

One reason why the cycle of archetypes recurs is that each youth generation tries to correct or compensate for what it perceives as the excesses of the midlife generation in power. For example, Boomers (a Prophet generation, whose strength is individualism, culture and values) raised Millennial children (a Hero generation, whose strength is in collective civic action). Archetypes do not create archetypes like themselves, they create opposing archetypes.

As Strauss and Howe explain, “your generation isn’t like the generation that shaped you, but it has much in common with the generation that shaped the generation that shaped you.” This also occurs because the societal role that feels freshest to each generation of youth is the role being vacated by a generation of elders that is passing away. In other words, a youth generation comes of age and defines its collective persona just as an opposing generational archetype is in its midlife peak of power, and the previous generation of their archetype is passing away.

By the way — I'm a boomer (a late boomer - born in 1962), but still a boomer.

P.S. I'm expecting a lot of hate mail on this one — but I encourage two-way communication — that's what this blog is about!

This One Phrase Will Transform Your Business.

This weekend, I was hiking with my family in a state park — lots of trees, streams, and ticks. We all had a great time and the summer heat wasn't too oppressive. While we were exiting the forest, we were speaking about the economy and business, and my brother Jeff mentioned a quote I've never heard:

"Shame on you for not charging enough to stay in business."

It hit me like a thunderbolt. How many businesses do we encounter that bemoan the fact they aren't making enough money to survive?

Here's a little financial equation I use to understand the financials of your business and career.

1. How much money do you want to make this year? Let's say $125,000 to make the math easy.
2. Divide it by 50 weeks (you get 2 weeks off for vacation) = $2500 each week.
3. Divide it by 5 days a week = $500 each day.
4. Divide it by 8 hours = $62.50 per hour. But you have to have 40 solid hours of billing. If not, you need to increase this figure — even double it.

That's your hourly rate you need to make to pull in $125K a year. It doesn't take into account overhead, materials, help, etc. But it gives you a generalized idea of how much you are WORTH.

Then I have my clients build their business model the other way:

1. How much can you charge each client on an hourly basis? Let's say $100 an hour.
2. How many billable hours a day do you have? Let's say 5 = $500 per day.
3. How many billable days per week? Let's say 4 = $2000 per week.
4. 50 weeks per year = $100,000. A $25K shortfall.

This is important — usually the salary and hourly rate don't add up. I usually have to tell them to charge their clients MORE MONEY. Or figure out a way to deliver additional services to their clients so they make more money. Can you upsell? Can you sell them more stuff?

In any case — you need to charge enough to stay in business.

What are you charging? Do you need to charge MORE?

Top 3 Mistakes Made In Family Businesses.

I run Multi-Generational Peer Review Groups — and boy do we have fun discussing many issues inherent with family businesses — especially ones where the younger sons/daughters work for the older parents. And the parents have one foot out the door into retirement, yet they feel they need to keep active and still make decisions. Or they are still working 60-70 hours a week and never delegate key responsibilities to their sons/daughters (I'm going to use the term 'kids' for brevity). Here are some mistakes (and possible solutions) I see frequently:

1. Bad Communication.

Number one mistake made in multi-gen businesses. The parent is un-moveable, disruptive, or sticking to their guns and the kids give up on any sort of constructive communication.

Solution: "You're not going to teach an old dog new tricks." It's the kids job to stay patient (and professional) and encourage healthy communication first. Try to bridge the gap and work with your parent and if needed, wear your heart on your sleeve when speaking with them. It's also the job of the parent to also open their heart and mind to their kids' overtures.

2. Loss of Self-Esteem.

If the kids are constantly reprimanded or berated when they do something wrong by the parent,  not only do they shut down and get resentful, they begin to lose faith in their abilities.

Solution: The parent needs to understand that there is a difference between motivational instruction and berating mistakes. They need to acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way and they are their not only to catch you, but to encourage you to succeed. The kids need to understand that what took their parents 30-40 years to perfect cannot be learned in 2-3 years. In addition, your parents might not be the best teachers, so you sometimes need to pull information, techniques, and practices out of them for you to grow. It will take time.

3. Allocation of Responsibilities.

As the parent slowly relinquishes certain responsibilities to their kids (hopefully!), how the kids perform their new duties might be different than what the parent expects. So the parent begins to hold back the allocation and then adverse situations result. This especially happens when the kids try a new direction for an old problem (i.e., growing their web presence and killing all phone book advertising) and the parent doesn't understand.

Solution: The parent needs to understand that the kids SHOULD be encouraged to do things differently or at least understand WHY their kids are taking a different tack to solve a problem. The kids need to move slowly and continuously bring their parents up to speed on the whys, whats, and hows of their strategy. You just cannot say 'trust me' - it will only inflame the situation.

Bottom line, they are not going anywhere anytime soon — so assess the problem, come up with solutions, and take action. Making believe that it will go away on its own is dangerous.

If you have any questions or issues with a multi-generational business, feel free to call me (203.500.2421) - would love to discuss and help you find a solution.

How To Solve ANY Problem.

Okay — the title might be a little misleading. If you just robbed a bank and are evading the authorities, this post will probably not work for you (sorry). But for most business and career problems — this will do just fine. Let me start by explaining what I call "The Whirlwind".

What's a "Whirlwind"? The offficial definition is: Whirlwind - Noun 1 : a small rotating windstorm of limited extent 2 : a confused rush : a whirlwind of meetings 3 : a violent or destructive force

Whenever we are faced with a powerful problem in our lives, we probably encounter The Whirlwind. It is a violent force that spins out of control in our heads. It mixes up our current thought processes, past failures, and future fears. In addition, it easily combines straightforward facts with a bevy of crazy emotions. To make it worse, there is usually a time, importance, or personnel component that just adds to the anxiety and severity.

And you wonder why you can't solve this problem.

What we normally do is keep this Whirlwind bottled up in our heads. We might even talk to a number of people about it — but most of the time, it just gets worse and you rarely ever solve the problem.

So what do you do? Get The Whirlwind Out Of Your Head!

You need a process to eliminate ALL emotions from your problem solving and develop factual options which eventually lead to a solution. Follow these rules to the letter (no deviation!):

1. Take out a sheet of paper or stand at a whiteboard.
2. Have a pencil or whiteboard marker ready to go.
3. At the top of the page (or board), write what the problem is. Be clear, succinct, and ensure that it covers what the problem is. As an example, you can write: "Interpersonal Issues With Tom: Duties, Meetings, Staff".
4. Define The Problem. Here's the catch: it can only be no more than 3 bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). b. Tom has a hard time staying focused at his meetings and loses control of the group. c. Tom's staff is unfocused and are now coming to me for direction.
5. Develop possible solutions to each of the bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). - Talk to Tom about this situation - refer to facts and instances only. Ask him how he would solve the problem. - Begin to manage Tom more closely. Schedule frequent, regular, but short meetings to cover progress. - Uncover what is the 'real' cause of Tom's inability to meet deadlines. - Follow up after one month - track progress.
6. Sometimes you might need to do a PROS & CONS list. Especially when balancing a difficult decision.

Bottom line — get the Whirlwind out of your head and get it on paper. You'll find that it will be so much easier to solve and you'll feel better in the long run.

Change Your Life With A Cookie.

"You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one." A fortune cookie — I found this in a darn fortune cookie!

How serendipitous life is — when you least expect it — the universe opens a door to enlightenment.

So what does this mean?

1. You are not instantly a failure when you fail.
2. No one can make you a failure.
3. Only you can make yourself a failure.
4. It's easy to fail, but then it's also as easy to decide to learn from your failure.
5. Failure is a prolonged state of mind.
6. Failure influences future behaviors.

Are you going to make mistakes? Sure.

Are you going to fail? Sure.

But we need to understand is HOW we react to that failure. If we let it defeat us — Failure has won.

If we step back and learn from our failure — we move on. We stay strong. We get that much closer to success.

So today — don't focus on your failures, your losses, your dropped balls, your missed chances.

Today I want you to see what CAN happen. What you can do right NOW.

You'll thank me.

New Job Success Or Failure: Your First Day.

Here are some quick tips I give all of my clients prior to their first day on the job:

Prepare

This is a critical task for you and sets up every other thing you do for your first day. You need to get this done 24 hours prior to your first day.

• Get all of your paperwork together. Everything that needs to be signed, your license, passport, etc.
• Pick your clothes and make sure they look great. You will feel better if they are all laid out and ready to go.
• Polish (men) and touch up (ladies) your shoes - they need to look great.
• Make your lunch the day before.
• Set the timer on your coffeemaker so you wake up to hot coffee.

Meditate

Yes, meditate. When you get up or after your shower, sit on your bed, close your eyes, and relax. Say to yourself:

• I will do great. I have years of experience ready to burst out of me.
• They love me - they picked me over every other applicant.
• I won't screw up - I will ask questions when I am unsure.

Day One is always the hardest day - it is built up with anxiety and fear - meditation will help you get centered. Take 1-2 minutes for yourself.

Leave Early

If your commute is 30 minutes, leave 1 hour early. This is a new route, with new traffic patterns and unknown hazards. Give yourself ample commuting time to get there with enough buffer to ensure you are stress-free and ready to go. If you get there early, that's fine.

Arrive Early/Stay Late

It sends the right message to your superiors, peers and team. It shows you are a 'hard' worker and sets the stage for building your reputation at your organization.

Smile, Smile, Smile

First impressions are made within the first 10 seconds. You are going to meet a lot of people - you don't have to remember their name - but smile and be engaging. It will give them a good sample of who you really are and get you off on the right foot.

Ask Questions

You are not inexperienced, you just need to measure how you will do things, where things are, and what to do with them. If you don't ask questions, you will probably stall and not work as efficiently as you usually would. Get through those obstacles and make things happen!

Try To Eat With Your Boss or Peers

It gives you another chance to quiz them on the more intangible areas of your position/organization. In any event, try to have lunch with all of the people you will touch at your job.

Go Home & Relax

It's been a crazy day. Come home, get into comfy clothes, and lay down on your bed. Embrace the feeling and memories of your new job — review the day with your spouse or partner.  This debrief is not only important, it's critical. It allows you to download your thoughts, experiences and emotions.

Go To Bed Early

It's been a tough day — go to bed one hour early to be fresh for the next day!