When Things Aren't Working - Do The Opposite.

There's a famous Seinfeld episode where George is at a very low point in his life. Nothing is working and he doesn't know what his next step should be.

You can watch it here: http://youtu.be/cKUvKE3bQlY

What would happen if YOU did the opposite of what your instincts (fear) tell you? If what you've been doing has been delivering the wrong results, what would happen if you did the exact opposite? For example:

• If you have a bad communication channel with your boss, your natural instinct is to shy away. What if you increased your communication and asked the best channel to communicate?
• If you are reticent about attending an event, go to the event with a few friends, buy a new suit, and have new business cards printed. Engage people once you enter and act like the host.
• Having problems with a client or colleague? Instead of letting it go and fester, make a point of engaging that person and see how you can make your relationship healthier, stronger and more resilient.

So instead of doing what you ALWAYS do, try the exact opposite. See what happens — you might surprise yourself!

Is Life Giving You Lemons?

I ran across a powerful quote the other day from Nora Roberts, the romance novelist: “If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.”

Do you know about Nora Roberts? I met her MANY years ago when I was in Marketing at Waldenbooks/Reader's Market. We hosted an autographing at one of our locations and she had a new romance novel out. She was a really nice person (most authors and celebrities at the time were obnoxious). A lot of you might say with a hint of disdain in your voice, "Oh, she's a romance novelist."

Here are some sobering facts — as of 2011, her novels had spent a combined 861 weeks on the New York Times bestseller list, including 176 weeks in the number-one spot. Over 400 million copies of her books are in print, including 12 million copies sold in 2005 alone. She's a heavy hitter.

Nora began to write during a blizzard in February, 1979 while housebound with her two small boys. With three feet of snow, a dwindling supply of chocolate, and no morning kindergarten she had little else to do. While writing down her ideas for the first time, she fell in love with the writing process, and quickly produced six manuscripts.

She submitted her manuscripts to Harlequin, the leading publisher of romance novels, but was repeatedly rejected. Roberts says, "I got the standard rejection for the first couple of tries, then my favorite rejection of all time. I received my manuscript back with a nice little note which said that my work showed promise, and the story had been very entertaining and well done. But that they already had their American writer. That would have been Janet Dailey."

In 1980, a new publisher, Silhouette books, formed to take advantage of the pool of manuscripts from the many American writers that Harlequin had snubbed. Roberts found a home at Silhouette, where her first novel, Irish Thoroughbred, was published in 1981. She used the pseudonym Nora Roberts, a shortened form of her birth name Eleanor Marie Robertson, because she assumed that all authors had pen names. Between 1982 and 1984, Roberts wrote 23 novels for Silhouette.

Roberts believes that pursuing a career as a writer requires discipline: "You're going to be unemployed if you really think you just have to sit around and wait for the muse to land on your shoulder." She concentrates on one novel at a time, writing eight hours a day, every day, even while on vacation. Rather than begin with an outline or plot summary, Roberts instead envisions a key incident, character, or setting. She then writes a short first draft with the basic elements of a story.

After finishing the first draft, Roberts goes back to the beginning of the novel. The second draft usually sees the addition of details, the "texture and color" of the work, as well as a more in-depth study of the characters. She then does a final pass to polish the novel before sending it to her agent, Amy Berkower. She often writes trilogies, finishing the three books in a row so that she can remain with the same characters.

So let's look closer at her words:

If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it.

How many times have you known EXACTLY where you need to go and what you need to do? In fact, it's right in front of you. But for some reason, something or someone is holding you back. Here's a little secret, most of the time, that obstacle is usually YOU. You might think there are external forces out there — but you are putting those potholes in the road. You need to be very clear about what you want and go after it. Nora could have remained a stay-at-home Mom, but she had a dream of being a writer. And she went after it with gusto.

If you don't ask, the answer is always no.

As a coach, I run into this one ALL the time. People are afraid of asking for that raise, that promotion, that business. They either feel they're not worthy or that they're begging. If you want it — go get it. Nora was turned down a bunch of times by Harlequin, but she kept going back. She wrote whole manuscripts, submitted them, and was nicely declined. But she kept coming back.

If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.

MOVE. You need to move somewhere and not stay in the same place. When we need to make a life change when life is giving us lemons (and it happens all the time), we tend to get caught up on where to go. Just take ANY step - very soon, you will be making your way forward and moving towards a new location with no lemons.

Listen to Nora, she knows where it's at.

Nora Roberts biographical information was partially gleaned from Wikipedia.

What Would Happen If You Disconnected From Email?

Take a trip with me. You have your smartphone and you unlink your email settings from your email server, making it impossible to receive email on your smartphone. You could probably still access your email via the browser on your smartphone — but that is so time-consuming, you'd rather not.

Your last email to your team, clients, and colleagues is to let them know you will be checking email at regular intervals during the day while you are at the office and if there is an actual emergency, to call you on your smartphone. But for all intents and purposes, you are not reading or responding to emails when you're not in the office.

What would happen?

1. You might get a few more phone calls.

But that's not a terrible thing. Instead of getting into a viscious email communication chain on some obscure topic, you can probably handle it with a quick 3-5 minute call. And you can group your callbacks and keep them short.

2. You get more organized and focused when you did access your email at the office.*

Initially, it would build up. But as team members, clients, and colleagues would notice, email would cease to be a primary communication vehicle for you. Since you only had a limited amount of time to read your email, you would only focus on those emails that were from key members of your team or were directly sent to you. Anything else most likely can fall by the wayside. *I totally understand if you spend 90-100% of your time away from the office — your smartphone is critical. But what would happen if you just checked emails when you opened your laptop? Or if you checked your smartphone at discreet times during the day and not ALL the time?

3. You would get slower replying to email.

No more quick responses — email is not texting or twitter. In fact, I would ask you not to use those tools either. The whole idea is to limit interruptions to your day to be able to focus on the important and strategic things happening in your life. If it's tactical- or emergency-based use the phone.

4. You would get faster communicating with your staff, clients, and colleagues.

No more long-winded emails — no death-defying email chains that go on forever. Just small phone interruptions (or grouping of phone calls) to connect and engage, manage, or inform. You can get a reputation of fast phone calls, keep them to 1-2 minutes or less and focus on the task at hand and make decisions or take action. Email prolongs debate — how many times have you been put through the email wringer with various vicious email cycles?

A number of clients of mine have done this and they've found a significant lightening of their load AND they are getting more things done. Why?

Email is not a very good communication vehicle.

It takes a long time to compose an email, there are many instances when you do give direction and someone doesn't see it, or the email message is misconstrued in a way where you come of yelling or reprimanding. Bottom line - email is not 'two-way' communication — it's a broadcast medium. In fact, it's worse, when you run into CC: and BCC: transmissions of the same email.

These reactive responses deliver the wrong message — not promoting or pushing projects and people forward — they actually get into email ruts. Trust me — I've been there.

Finally, email turns into heroin for some people. You know who you are — reading your email constantly like a stock ticker — responding instantly to people. How much productivity is wasted with this type of communication? What might be a better way of communicating?

So if you're brave — try unlinking your email today. If you just want to try it, don't check your email at all today — have an email response: "I won't be able to check my email today on my phone, please call me if it's urgent."

Go for it.

How To Win The Lottery Of Your Life.

From Jeb Corliss (professional skydiver and base jumper): Someone posted this on my page — "I think you should have a "lottery" to offer average "Joe Blows" like me, the opportunity to experience life on your scale. Especially towards the ones who appreciate life as immensely as you do."

I responded with this — That lottery exists :)

It's called hard work and sacrificing everything to live a dream. I started with nothing. I worked in a movie theater making $4 an hour. I ate ramen noodles and only spent money on jumping and nothing else. Anyone can do what I do but not by asking others to do it for you.

You have to get up off your ass and take some risks with your life. There is no safe way to do what I have done. At any turn I could have died and almost did many many times. But I kept taking the risks. I kept braking the bones. I kept watching my friends die. I never gave up and now here I am.

There is no magic leprechaun that's going to do it for you. You have to do it for your self and you have to be willing to take the risks and pay the consequences for your actions. Those consequences are pain, suffering and most likely death. So are you sure you want what I have. Because it's yours for the taking. Just grow some balls and do it.

To learn more about Jeb Corliss, check out his site, his facebook page, and his twitter page. What a guy!

"There are two types of people in this world. The doers and the complainers."

In 1998, aged 16, Gurbaksh Chahal dropped out of high school to work full time at his first venture, ClickAgents. ClickAgents was an advertising network focused on performance-based advertising. In 2000, ValueClick bought ClickAgents in a $40 million. In 2004, Chahal formed BlueLithium. BlueLithium specialized in behavioral targeting of banner advertising. In 2007, Yahoo bought Blue Lithium for $300 million.

This is a quote from Gurbaksh. He gets right to the point. He makes it happen.

I have two questions for you:

1. What's holding you back? Is it someone or something in your life? Or it it YOU?

2. What would life be like if you eliminated that obstacle?

Most obstacles are self-imposed. We grow things out of proportion. We make things bigger than they really are.

Do you think Gurbaksh let inner (or outer) obstacles get in his way?

I don't think so.

Why Is Everyone Acting Like A Child Today?

It's getting worse. I'm hearing it from both my business and corporate clients. There's a clear delineation between how people interact and how they run their business.

Look — I coach CEO's, CMO's, SVP's, Executives, Attorneys, Doctors, Wall Street Financiers, Business Owners, etc. So I've seen it all.

Has this ever happened to you?

• You've gone on 7-10 interviews and are ready for an offer and then suddenly they say the position is on-hold or gone.
• You've presented in front of a client multiple times and it's a done deal — then they disappear.
• Prospects show extreme interest then they don't return your calls and emails.
• Your client disappears for weeks on end then it's hurry-up, hurry-up.
• Clients who hold back payments for completed service for weeks/months or they debate the fee even though they agreed to it prior to the engagement.
• You meet someone and they show EXTREME interest in your product/service, but when you call them to confirm your lunch/coffee, they act like they don't even know you OR they never answer the phone.
• They're your friend and close client one day — and the next, they're questioning every price and moving on to another service provider.

Guess what? Here's the reason — let me break it down for you:

• 40% of the people you work with act like ADULTS.
• 30% of the people you work with act like TEENS.
• 30% of the people you work with act like CHILDREN.

What do I mean?

ADULTS - The 40%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act NORMALLY. They are responsible, they follow up on their promises, they return phone calls and emails on time, they pay on-time, and are generally easy to navigate and get along with. They're reasonable and are satisfied with the product/service delivered.

These are the keepers — treat them like GOLD.

TEENS - The 30%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act like TEENS. They are fine most of the time and are easy to do business with, but there are times when they act irrationally. For no good reason. They get emotional, they shut down, they bite back.

It's usually for a good reason — their business is hurting, they just lost a key team member or client, or the industry is changing. Unfortunately, they take it out on YOU. It's not fair, but that's business.

Most of the time — they just need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to listen to them. Be there for them and they will be your client for life. Be flexible, modify your offering, help them get through this bump in their career or business.

CHILDREN - The 30%

These are the acquaintances, prospects, and clients who act IRRATIONALLY all the time or from the outset of your relationship. You've probably run into these people — they treat you like SHIT. They don't care if their behavior impacts your business. They see you are calling and emailing — they won't give you the benefit of a simple phone call.

These acquaintances, prospects, and clients need a firm slap in the face. At the end of the day, you really have nothing to lose. You need to get their attention in a very calculated way. Here are some suggestions:

• Stop playing nice - shut them down. Be cordial and professional, but when you call them say, "I get the feeling you might be too busy to return my calls and I understand that. Unfortunately, this will be my last communication with you. Good luck with your endeavors and I hope you have a great 2012." When you step back, they usually follow and call you.
• Escalate the interaction. Stop by their office (especially if they owe you money) and ask to see them. Say, "Hey, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would stop by." Get in their face — smile and engage them.
• Appeal to their nobler motives (this usually doesn't work with children). Call them and let them know you've been trying to contact them for weeks or months. Say you've tried to be professional — but your just going to have to let them go. But before you hang up, give them some bait, "I had a really good prospect, report, idea, connection for you — oh well."

The most important behavior is to escalate the interaction in some way. This economy has sent a lot of people into a scarcity/cocoon mode. They don't want to make decisions (even though they know they have to), they don't want to spend money (even though it's imperative they do), and they display aberrant behavior that burns bridges constantly.

They think they can get by with this behavior — but it's just slowly digging a deep hole for them.

So when you run into an adult — cherish them! A teen — ask questions, listen, and help them through this bump. Children — escalate the interaction — you have nothing to lose.

I'd love to hear your experiences and if you have a different percentage breakdown — LET ME KNOW!

5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation - Part Two.

I didn't expect to write this post. But my last post, 5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation, garnered so many comments with suggestions of other powerful lessons . . . I just had to do a Part Two to share my readers comments with you! So without further ado . . . here are my second five lessons: 

6. Engage With New People

Tracy from my Executive Coaching group related: "One of the things I love to do is to engage with people I meet meaningfully, for example in cafes and businesses that I use. I have found the investment of time and interest in others has rewarded me hugely in feeling joyful. Don't lose the feeling and save some you, for you. Thanks for sharing such a great time."

Tracy is absolutely right - many times I had the opportunity to interact with many different people during my vacation. Since I am a slight extrovert, I tend to ask questions of people to get them talking. And I had many WONDERFUL conversations!

7. Connect With Nature

Diane from my Executive Coaching group: "I'd like to add one thing to your list, which I think you realized on the farm without saying it - connecting with nature. Nothing helps put things in perspective for you, or brings awareness to yourself, your surroundings and your connectedness with all things than being outdoors. For me, it's the north shores of Lake Superior that completely humbles me." :-)

I love how Diane simply states the obvious - take the time to notice nature - and the benefits are endless.

Also, my good friend BJ said: "Great Post Rich. Vacations are essential. Even my short trip to VT did wonders! Don't have to be an long or exotic to be mind adjusting."

8. Recapture Your Childhood

Gary from a Dale Carnegie group exclaimed: "Having just returned from a week in Mexico with my family where I turned off my phone and threw it in the hotel safe, I fully agree with your five epiphanies. I also learned that it's possible to zip-line upside down. What a rush!"

When was the last time you got permission to act like a kid? Not only is it fun — it energizes you and brings back all the playfulness of your younger years. In addition, it opens up your mind to all the possibilities (like a kid) and eliminates all of the obstacles we put in our way (like an adult).

9. Gain Self Confidence

Tom from my Entrepreneur team gave me a great quote: "Don’t put yourself on sale. This is my favorite mantra from financial guru Suze Orman. While Suze’s target audience is directed to women, the advice applies to everyone. When you skip vacations, you put yourself on sale. If you have 2-weeks of paid vacation and don’t use them, you’re essentially working for free. By committing to a vacation, you declare to yourself (and to others) that you are important and deserve dedicated time for yourself."

Tom - you are spot on target! So many people don't take the requisite time off and in the end, they suffer for it. If you don't declare that you are important, who will? When I let all of my clients know about my impending vacation, they were overjoyed to hear I will be taking time off and heartily wished me a great time. What a great send off to get!

10. Impact People You Meet

Steve's comment (from my Bulletproof Your Career club) threw me for a loop: "You get out of your social and professional circles. You are thrust into other spheres, worlds, and situations normally not encountered with your day t0 day meanderings. And when you bump into these people - they also bump into you and most of the time - are blown away with what YOU bring to the table."

When you're on vacation - you are bumping into a lot of people. People who you can affect — make their day better, get them up when their down, teach them something they may not know, or best of all — touch their soul.

I CAN'T SAY THIS ENOUGH: If you haven’t gone on vacation — GO. You can afford the time away from work. 

5 Powerful Lessons From My Vacation.

I took 10 days off over the past week for a much needed vacation for me and my family. We made our way down to Maryland's eastern shore (to a family farm) and then made our way to visit Washington DC. Even though I was relaxing, I had a lot of time during our travels to think about what I learned during my vacation:

1. I disconnected from my practice.

I came back to 500+ emails — but I made sure prior to my vacation, to let all of my clients, colleagues and friends know I'd be gone and if they really needed to reach me, to call. No one called. The time away from email was energizing. Knowing every day that I could just get up and go for a swim, or a walk, or just sit and read gave me real clarity and focus.

It gave me the permission to clear out the cobwebs and focus on what really important — personally and professionally.

2. I watched people.

My disconnection allowed me to watch and engage people from all walks of life. It allowed me to see really bad service and really exceptional service during my time on the road. It

I walked around with a new sense of wonder — engaging people and asking them questions — how's your day going, what's it like to work here, do they ever see anyone famous, etc. It's amazing how animated people get when they someone takes a sincere interest in their life.

3. I built deeper connections with the people I love.

One of the most important things I did was to spend time with my family — my wife and two sons (ages 11 and 16). We had a lot of fun relaxing at the farm and then sightseeing in DC. My two favorites — seeing my 16 year old son act as tour guide while we were in DC (I was so proud) and my 11 year old son have so much fun cutting down bamboo at the farm (he is a dedicated Mythbusters fan and will tackle any project with aplomb).

In addition, I spent quality time with my life partner. She and I have known each other for over 33 years (married 22) and still learn new aspects of one another every day. This vacation grew us closer together.

4. I had time to learn.

I spent a portion of my time reading and enjoying books. I also engaged with my older brother, his wife and sons and learned a host of new things about the world around me. We didn't talk business — we talked more about the world and philosophy in general. When was the last time you did that?

5. I recharged my batteries.

Let me state — I was not 'powered-down' and in need of energy. I was okay — I was moving along just fine over the past eight months. But it's like hooking you up to a powerful energy source (as in The Avengers movie, during the fight between Iron Man and Thor - Thor hit Iron Man with a huge bolt of lightning - and suddenly, Iron Man's energy potential shot upwards of 400%).

It really got my mind working in higher gears and began to build up a reserve of energy to take me through the end of 2012. I am full of ideas and direction — stay tuned!

If you haven't gone on vacation — GO. You can afford the time away from work.

Don't Think Too Much. Just Act.

"If you wait to do everything until you're sure it's right, you'll probably never do much of anything." - Win Borden "A ship is safe in a harbor, but that's not what ships are for." - William Shedd

I wanted to hit you early this morning with a few of my favorite and powerful quotes. 

I've been doing a LOT of public speaking lately. Conferences, keynotes, expos, organizations, and corporate gigs have been littering my calendar lately. It's been a BLAST. And I've learned a lot about the people I present to.

They're scared. Not the monster in the closet with the knife scared, but a slow, rhythmic, fear that invades their life. Their thinking.

And their actions.

The markets are unsure right now. Business is unsure right now. People are unsure right now.

But this is one of the best times to strike out and do something DIFFERENT. Take a chance. Try something new. BE BOLD IN LIFE.

I promise you — there are a LOT of people out there right now making a lot of money based on their ideas, their connections, and their HUSTLE.

You can be one of them too.

So today's charge for you is to look at what you do everyday and do it differently. Make a change. Reach out to someone who you thought was untouchable. Start something new. Improve and expand what you do.

It will not only motivate and inspire you — it will energize and get everyone around you to notice your tsunami.

Make it happen.

How To Better Control Your Time.

Time is the one thing you can never get back. So you need to be careful with it, don't waste it, don't hurry through it, and use it effectively. You need to CONTROL your time.

How do you do that? It's easy and it's hard — here are some tips:

Clear Your Desk.

I know . . . it's hard. But once it's done, it is so easy to focus without any distractions to instantly pull you away from the task at hand. Also there is the visual aspect of a clean desk. You FEEL better about yourself and your surroundings. It's easier to find things and important papers don't get lost.

So here's my strategy — Pile, View, Attack/File/Toss/LCB:

1. Pile - Take everything off your desk and make a single pile of paper.
2. View - Pick up and look at each piece of paper. You must make four piles:
3. Attack - work on it immediately - something you can complete within a short amount of time.
4. File - File it away for future access.
5. Toss - Throw it away. I know it's hard - but most of your pile can go this route.
6. LCB: Last Chance Bin - get a box and place it under your desk. If you are unsure of tossing something, put it into this bin. If you need it later, it's there. If not (after 3-6 months), toss it out. This bin works wonders.

Plan Your Day.

This is the hardest and surprisingly the easiest way to get a better handle on your time. Why?

If you go somewhere or if you're on a trip, you have a destination and a route to get there. That's called a plan.

Why is it when you get to work you don't architect the same thinking for your activities, meetings, and tasks? What needs to be done — what is it's priority — and when will you complete it?

Randy Pausch developed a very simple, yet effective template to help anyone plan their day. It's made up of four quadrants:

• Due Soon and Not Due Soon
• Important and Not Important

When you look at your "Attack" pile of work for the day, you usually work through it based on time in and time out. But importance flies out the window — most people aren't working on the most important and critical tasks. This tool helps them do it.

Which ones to work on first? Upper left! Which ones to work on last? Lower right! Here's a PDF template you can use.

Work On One Thing At A Time.

This is where we all fall down. We think we can 'multi-task' our work and guess what? We never get anything done or even worse, we do things in a haphazard fashion.

Take your Attack pile and your Activity List and make your way down each item. Once it's complete, check it off. Set aside time to work on your attack pile — don't answer the phone — don't let anyone bother you — don't let anything take your focus away from the task at hand until you are DONE. You can always return that phone call 15-30 minutes later or go see the person who wanted to see you.

Also — turn your email reminders OFF. You can get back to checking email when you're DONE.

At first it will be difficult. But when you start to see a clean desk, a planned out day, and REAL progress on your work. These basic behaviors will begin to kick in. Try it!

Your Communication Skills Stink – Part Two.

Last week, I covered why communication is so important to business. Speaking with your clients, team, peers and boss are all critical to your success and are usually the nexus of problems when things go awry. See Part One here. If you break down the structure of communication, it really is the transmission of information. You say something, I respond. I say something, you respond.

It's a 'Give & Take' relationship, but sometimes the signal lines can be bad. The wires are compromised. Emotions get in the way.

And this can happen in a millisecond. It's probably happened to you — you are speaking with someone and suddenly — they shut down, they get an angry look on their face, or they bite back with venom. It's all happened to all of us — we chose the wrong word, or focused on the wrong example — and BAM! We get hit right in the nose. And it hurts.

Especially when communicating information. When selling to a prospect, instructing a team member, or speaking with a superior, one needs to be SO careful — here is the architecture of the conversation.

On one end is IDU — I Don't Understand. On the other is YDU — You Don't Understand.

IDU is the state where the person begins to shut down because you are speaking about a subject they don't know or understand. You are talking OVER their head. When it happens, the person starts to feel inferior or incompetent and they shut down.

YDU is the state where the person begins to get angry because YOU don't know or understand their situation. You are talking PAST them. When it happens, the person starts to feel angry or contempt for you — they begin to interrupt or sit and stew with anger.

IDU is on one end of the spectrum and YDU is on the other end. Your job is to remain in the middle with your communication, giving them info while ensuring you don't venture in IDU or YDU territory.

And the way to ensure this doesn't happen is to:

1. Watch for physical signals. They might start looking away or looking angry or impatient. They might not respond immediately or come back with a response that sounds frustrated or angry. On the phone, listen for typing or clicking — they are not listening, they are multi-tasking.
2. Ask questions along the way. Like: "Are you with me so far?" or "Am I speaking too quickly?" or " Do you want me to review any aspect of what I just covered?" or "Do you know this already?" This gives the receiver a chance to better understand the information and will quickly take you out of the IDU/YDU area.
3. Paraphrase their response. When they do respond, paraphrase what you just heard. This will quickly take you out of the YDU end of the spectrum.

Communication is so critical for your success — make sure it is TWO-WAY!

How The Boomers Screwed Up OR We Can All Do Better.

I've been struggling with this generational paradox for the past 5-10 years and have asked a ton of people what they think about it. This theory comes closest to what I feel happened, is happening, and probably will happen. Enjoy! Here's my basic understanding of what went down (this is a long one — so stay with me — it's really important):

The generation that birthed the Baby Boomers suffered like hell. Depression, World War II; they shouldered everything.

So when the US was growing more successful following WWII, they didn't want their children to suffer. And their kids loved this. They lived in relative safety, had a clear boogeyman to fear in the USSR and ideology to love in the US of A. They got opportunities, whether to get jobs straight out of high school, or go to college, or travel the world, or whatever. Not everyone got this, of course, since we still did have poor souls shipped out to Vietnam.

They got awesome music, got to experiment with drugs, and then got jobs alongside their hardworking, nose-to-the-grindstone parents of the "Greatest Generation". And as those parents retired and died, we were left with a overwhelming number of coddled, spoiled children running the show.

And the problem with that is that they haven't grown up. They didn't understand the hardships that drove their parents' decisions. So they made decisions that didn't aim to avoid those hardships, which has saddled us with debt, terrible regulations of tons of industries, and a number of unwanted and unwinnable wars (Iraq, Afghanistan, Drugs), which has led to Gen Xers and Millenials getting the short end of the stick, and being generally bitter about it.

Even a cursory glance at what we call the generations even gives some insight into the Boomers' thoughts toward their children compared to their parents. "Greatest Generation" vs. "Generation X". Past vs. future, and the future gets humped.

Now, that's not to say that every Boomer is like that. Plenty aren't. It's also not to say that this is a 100% correct reading of the situation, but it does seem to reflect what history has shown (so far) the Greatest Generation, Boomers, and Gen Xers to do.

I'm a firm believer in Strauss-Howe generational theory. We've repeated the same cycle of generational 'types' and social climes since the 1700's. Baby boomers are 'idealistic moralists' in favor of wars they themselves don't fight in, and they incite others to make sacrifices. The crisis they are driving us into will have to be dealt with by the scruffy, pragmatic Gen-Xers.

Here's the gist of the theory (from Wikipedia):

To date, Strauss and Howe have identified 25 generations in Anglo-American history, each with a corresponding archetype. The authors describe the archetypes as follows:

Prophet

Born in 1809 and coming of age during the Transcendental Awakening, Abraham Lincoln is identified as a member of a Prophet generation - the Transcendentals.

Prophet generations (dominant) are born after a Crisis, during a time of rejuvenated community life and consensus around a new societal order. Prophets grow up as the increasingly indulged children of this post-Crisis era, come of age as self-absorbed young crusaders of an Awakening, focus on morals and principles in midlife, and emerge as elders guiding another Crisis.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their coming-of-age fervor and their values-oriented elder leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area ofvision, values, and religion. Their best-known historical leaders include John Winthrop, William Berkeley, Samuel Adams, Benjamin Franklin, James Polk, Abraham Lincoln, Herbert Hoover, and Franklin Roosevelt. These were principled moralists who waged idealistic wars and incited others to sacrifice. Few of them fought themselves in decisive wars, and they are remembered more for their inspiring words than for great actions. (Examples among today’s living generations: Boomers.)

Nomad

Nomad generations (recessive) are born during an Awakening, a time of social ideals and spiritual agendas, when young adults are passionately attacking the established institutional order. Nomads grow up as under-protected children during this Awakening, come of age as alienated, post-Awakening adults, become pragmatic midlife leaders during a Crisis, and age into resilient post-Crisis elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their adrift, alienated rising-adult years and their midlife years of pragmatic leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of liberty, survival and honor. Their best-known historical leaders include Nathaniel Bacon, William Stoughton, George Washington, John Adams, Ulysses Grant, Grover Cleveland, Harry Truman, and Dwight Eisenhower. These were shrewd realists who preferred individualistic, pragmatic solutions to problems. (Examples among today’s living generations: Generation X.)

Hero

Young adults fighting in World War II were born in the early part of the 20th century, like PT109 commander LTJG John F. Kennedy (b. 1917). They are part of the G.I. Generation, which follows the Hero archetype.

Hero generations (dominant) are born after an Awakening, during a time of individual pragmatism, self-reliance, and laissez faire. Heroes grow up as increasingly protected post-Awakening children, come of age as team-oriented young optimists during a Crisis, emerge as energetic, overly-confident midlifers, and age into politically powerful elders attacked by another Awakening. 

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their collective military triumphs in young adulthood and their political achievements as elders. Their main societal contributions are in the area of community, affluence, and technology. Their best-known historical leaders include Cotton Mather, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, John F. Kennedy and Ronald Reagan. These have been vigorous and rational institution builders. In midlife, all have been aggressive advocates of economic prosperity and public optimism, and all have maintained a reputation for civic energy and competence in old age. (Examples among today’s living generations: Millennials.)

Artist

Artist generations (recessive) are born during a Crisis, a time when great dangers cut down social and political complexity in favor of public consensus, aggressive institutions, and an ethic of personal sacrifice. Artists grow up overprotected by adults preoccupied with the Crisis, come of age as the socialized and conformist young adults of a post-Crisis world, break out as process-oriented midlife leaders during an Awakening, and age into thoughtful post-Awakening elders.

Due to this location in history, such generations tend to be remembered for their quiet years of rising adulthood and their midlife years of flexible, consensus-building leadership. Their main societal contributions are in the area of expertise and due process. Their best-known historical leaders include William Shirley, Cadwallader Colden, John Quincy Adams,Andrew Jackson, Theodore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson. These have been complex social technicians and advocates for fairness and inclusion. (Examples among today’s living generations: Silent and Homelanders.)

One reason why the cycle of archetypes recurs is that each youth generation tries to correct or compensate for what it perceives as the excesses of the midlife generation in power. For example, Boomers (a Prophet generation, whose strength is individualism, culture and values) raised Millennial children (a Hero generation, whose strength is in collective civic action). Archetypes do not create archetypes like themselves, they create opposing archetypes.

As Strauss and Howe explain, “your generation isn’t like the generation that shaped you, but it has much in common with the generation that shaped the generation that shaped you.” This also occurs because the societal role that feels freshest to each generation of youth is the role being vacated by a generation of elders that is passing away. In other words, a youth generation comes of age and defines its collective persona just as an opposing generational archetype is in its midlife peak of power, and the previous generation of their archetype is passing away.

By the way — I'm a boomer (a late boomer - born in 1962), but still a boomer.

P.S. I'm expecting a lot of hate mail on this one — but I encourage two-way communication — that's what this blog is about!

This One Phrase Will Transform Your Business.

This weekend, I was hiking with my family in a state park — lots of trees, streams, and ticks. We all had a great time and the summer heat wasn't too oppressive. While we were exiting the forest, we were speaking about the economy and business, and my brother Jeff mentioned a quote I've never heard:

"Shame on you for not charging enough to stay in business."

It hit me like a thunderbolt. How many businesses do we encounter that bemoan the fact they aren't making enough money to survive?

Here's a little financial equation I use to understand the financials of your business and career.

1. How much money do you want to make this year? Let's say $125,000 to make the math easy.
2. Divide it by 50 weeks (you get 2 weeks off for vacation) = $2500 each week.
3. Divide it by 5 days a week = $500 each day.
4. Divide it by 8 hours = $62.50 per hour. But you have to have 40 solid hours of billing. If not, you need to increase this figure — even double it.

That's your hourly rate you need to make to pull in $125K a year. It doesn't take into account overhead, materials, help, etc. But it gives you a generalized idea of how much you are WORTH.

Then I have my clients build their business model the other way:

1. How much can you charge each client on an hourly basis? Let's say $100 an hour.
2. How many billable hours a day do you have? Let's say 5 = $500 per day.
3. How many billable days per week? Let's say 4 = $2000 per week.
4. 50 weeks per year = $100,000. A $25K shortfall.

This is important — usually the salary and hourly rate don't add up. I usually have to tell them to charge their clients MORE MONEY. Or figure out a way to deliver additional services to their clients so they make more money. Can you upsell? Can you sell them more stuff?

In any case — you need to charge enough to stay in business.

What are you charging? Do you need to charge MORE?

Top 3 Mistakes Made In Family Businesses.

I run Multi-Generational Peer Review Groups — and boy do we have fun discussing many issues inherent with family businesses — especially ones where the younger sons/daughters work for the older parents. And the parents have one foot out the door into retirement, yet they feel they need to keep active and still make decisions. Or they are still working 60-70 hours a week and never delegate key responsibilities to their sons/daughters (I'm going to use the term 'kids' for brevity). Here are some mistakes (and possible solutions) I see frequently:

1. Bad Communication.

Number one mistake made in multi-gen businesses. The parent is un-moveable, disruptive, or sticking to their guns and the kids give up on any sort of constructive communication.

Solution: "You're not going to teach an old dog new tricks." It's the kids job to stay patient (and professional) and encourage healthy communication first. Try to bridge the gap and work with your parent and if needed, wear your heart on your sleeve when speaking with them. It's also the job of the parent to also open their heart and mind to their kids' overtures.

2. Loss of Self-Esteem.

If the kids are constantly reprimanded or berated when they do something wrong by the parent,  not only do they shut down and get resentful, they begin to lose faith in their abilities.

Solution: The parent needs to understand that there is a difference between motivational instruction and berating mistakes. They need to acknowledge that you will make mistakes along the way and they are their not only to catch you, but to encourage you to succeed. The kids need to understand that what took their parents 30-40 years to perfect cannot be learned in 2-3 years. In addition, your parents might not be the best teachers, so you sometimes need to pull information, techniques, and practices out of them for you to grow. It will take time.

3. Allocation of Responsibilities.

As the parent slowly relinquishes certain responsibilities to their kids (hopefully!), how the kids perform their new duties might be different than what the parent expects. So the parent begins to hold back the allocation and then adverse situations result. This especially happens when the kids try a new direction for an old problem (i.e., growing their web presence and killing all phone book advertising) and the parent doesn't understand.

Solution: The parent needs to understand that the kids SHOULD be encouraged to do things differently or at least understand WHY their kids are taking a different tack to solve a problem. The kids need to move slowly and continuously bring their parents up to speed on the whys, whats, and hows of their strategy. You just cannot say 'trust me' - it will only inflame the situation.

Bottom line, they are not going anywhere anytime soon — so assess the problem, come up with solutions, and take action. Making believe that it will go away on its own is dangerous.

If you have any questions or issues with a multi-generational business, feel free to call me (203.500.2421) - would love to discuss and help you find a solution.

How To Solve ANY Problem.

Okay — the title might be a little misleading. If you just robbed a bank and are evading the authorities, this post will probably not work for you (sorry). But for most business and career problems — this will do just fine. Let me start by explaining what I call "The Whirlwind".

What's a "Whirlwind"? The offficial definition is: Whirlwind - Noun 1 : a small rotating windstorm of limited extent 2 : a confused rush : a whirlwind of meetings 3 : a violent or destructive force

Whenever we are faced with a powerful problem in our lives, we probably encounter The Whirlwind. It is a violent force that spins out of control in our heads. It mixes up our current thought processes, past failures, and future fears. In addition, it easily combines straightforward facts with a bevy of crazy emotions. To make it worse, there is usually a time, importance, or personnel component that just adds to the anxiety and severity.

And you wonder why you can't solve this problem.

What we normally do is keep this Whirlwind bottled up in our heads. We might even talk to a number of people about it — but most of the time, it just gets worse and you rarely ever solve the problem.

So what do you do? Get The Whirlwind Out Of Your Head!

You need a process to eliminate ALL emotions from your problem solving and develop factual options which eventually lead to a solution. Follow these rules to the letter (no deviation!):

1. Take out a sheet of paper or stand at a whiteboard.
2. Have a pencil or whiteboard marker ready to go.
3. At the top of the page (or board), write what the problem is. Be clear, succinct, and ensure that it covers what the problem is. As an example, you can write: "Interpersonal Issues With Tom: Duties, Meetings, Staff".
4. Define The Problem. Here's the catch: it can only be no more than 3 bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). b. Tom has a hard time staying focused at his meetings and loses control of the group. c. Tom's staff is unfocused and are now coming to me for direction.
5. Develop possible solutions to each of the bullet points. Example: a. Tom cannot keep to his promised deadlines (over-promise, under-deliver). - Talk to Tom about this situation - refer to facts and instances only. Ask him how he would solve the problem. - Begin to manage Tom more closely. Schedule frequent, regular, but short meetings to cover progress. - Uncover what is the 'real' cause of Tom's inability to meet deadlines. - Follow up after one month - track progress.
6. Sometimes you might need to do a PROS & CONS list. Especially when balancing a difficult decision.

Bottom line — get the Whirlwind out of your head and get it on paper. You'll find that it will be so much easier to solve and you'll feel better in the long run.

Change Your Life With A Cookie.

"You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one." A fortune cookie — I found this in a darn fortune cookie!

How serendipitous life is — when you least expect it — the universe opens a door to enlightenment.

So what does this mean?

1. You are not instantly a failure when you fail.
2. No one can make you a failure.
3. Only you can make yourself a failure.
4. It's easy to fail, but then it's also as easy to decide to learn from your failure.
5. Failure is a prolonged state of mind.
6. Failure influences future behaviors.

Are you going to make mistakes? Sure.

Are you going to fail? Sure.

But we need to understand is HOW we react to that failure. If we let it defeat us — Failure has won.

If we step back and learn from our failure — we move on. We stay strong. We get that much closer to success.

So today — don't focus on your failures, your losses, your dropped balls, your missed chances.

Today I want you to see what CAN happen. What you can do right NOW.

You'll thank me.

Work Smarter, Not Harder.

I really didn't mean that. To be honest, to be successful, one needs certain things to happen:

1. You have to hustle. Move faster than your competition and get things done. Take action.
2. You have to be smart. Not only intelligence, but knowledge and street smarts.
3. You have to be lucky. Sometimes it comes from nowhere, but most of the time it presents itself from opportunities you developed.

But there are times when you need to be nimble, agile, and frankly, work smarter. How? Here goes:

Think of all the things you do during the day. The email, the meetings, the people, the stop-bys, the phone calls, the traveling, the commute . . . everything.

Now I want you to take each element and figure out how you can STREAMLINE it. Make it take less time but deliver the same (or increased) result. Let's try each one:

• Email - do you have to read EVERY email? Develop a system to read the important messages and toss the rest.
• Meetings - do you have to go to EVERY meeting? Eliminate one meeting per week - you don't really need to be there.
• People - who are the most important people to your career? Who wastes your time? Start spending more time with the important people.
• Stop-bys - it's nice to have an open-door policy but you have to have time for yourself. Close your door at certain times to get working.
• Phone calls - all calls should be five minutes or less. If it is more complex, you need to meet.
• Traveling - do you really need to go there? Can you video conference in? A conference call?
• Commute - sitting in the car for an hour a day is tiring. Can you listen to motivational CD's? Can you telecommute?

Think outside of the box — you want to work smarter — get the work done in less time without killing yourself.

Over the next few weeks, I will be focusing in on each of these areas - STAY TUNED!

Image provided by H Sterling Cross at Flickr.

The Book You Should Be Reading RIGHT NOW.

Every so often, a business/self-help book comes along that knocks my socks off.  Before I begin, I find most of this book genre terrible. People today write books not because they have a great idea or a better way of doing things, they write books to become famous. They might become famous and appear on TV, but their book still sucks.

The other day, I came upon a book that has changed the way I think, live, work, and interact with people. It's called The Tools. Phil Stutz and Barry Michels are both psychotherapists who honed these tools to help people like you and me.

Phil invented The Tools when he was finished with his training as a psychiatrist. After a number of failures at helping his early patients he felt that the kind of psychotherapy he was trained in didn't offer much to patients that was all that practical. He basically started from scratch and invented The Tools as a way to help his patients with day to day problems, and to his surprise and his patients' satisfaction, it worked.

Barry faced the same dilemma, but at a critical juncture in time Michels was lucky enough to attend one of Stutz's lecture. He became the prime student of Stutz and found incredible success using the tools with his patient population. Both have used these tools as the cornerstone of their psychotherapy. The two worked together to refine them and are now the go-to psychotherapists to Hollywood writers and the stars. They are presenting this book to bring their ideas to the general public and to help people help themselves.

These four fundamental problems which keep clients from living the life they want to live:

1. Pain avoidance (out of fear of rejection, failure, and negative consequences) to the extent that clients don't move forward or progress — clients are stuck in a comfort zone in which they aren't achieving their goals, life is passing them by.

2. Unrealistic belief that people will treat you fairly — when this doesn't happen, clients become enraged/hurt and replay the experience, refuse to move forward until wrong is rectified, obsess about the person or event, fantasize about revenge etc.

3. Insecurity based on intimidating situations — leads to difficulty expressing yourself, connecting to others etc.

4. Negative thinking displayed in worry, anxiety, criticism, judgment of others and self-hatred — clients feel like a dark cloud hangs over them and have difficulty enjoying life and creating positive experiences.

I'll be honest, this book won't appeal to everyone. If you believe that the universe is simply mechanistic governed by material laws, matter-based cause and effect alone, you may find this book isn't for you. However, if you believe that growth and spiritual evolution are principles operating in the universe, and that laws and powers exist to support resolving problems and forward movement, then you may be intrigued by the tools the authors have discovered and field-tested through their personal experience and clients' experience.

IMPORTANT: I bought the audiobook to listen to in the car, it is much better than the book (I have that too) - you actually hear Phil and Barry explain each tool as they would in their seminar. Powerful.

PLEASE SHARE AND GET THE WORD OUT ON THIS BOOK! Thank you!

Why I Attended My Coaching Session This Morning.

Just received this from one of my oldest clients a few minutes ago — I thought I would publish it verbatim. Enjoy! When I rolled over in bed at 5:45 this morning, my usual weekday wake up time, I began to think about my day and realized I had my normally scheduled coaching session at 7:30, meaning I would have to get out of bed soon.

I was thinking I wish I could just cancel the session and grab another hour of sleep. I felt that the session today was going to be less meaningful than others.  There was no “hot and heavy” issue facing me that needs immediate attention.

Oh well, I thought, I will go through the motions and if it turns out that the session is a bust, so be it.  I decided that I would use the session today to discuss a relatively minor event of the day before that had caused me some temporary angst but passed in short order.

My focus would be to ensure that events like these stayed in the temporary and minor range for me. Wasn’t sure a whole session could be filled with that but would go with the flow.

When I arrived at my meeting, spent the first bit catching up with my coach on personal “stuff”.  While chatting, I found myself staring at the piece of paper my coach always brings to every session, a blank, white sheet waiting to be filled with boxes and circles and lines outlining our discussion.

The sheet even had my name on top today reminding me that I was the focus of the session and needed to figure out what I wanted to go over with him.

My first thought was to go with the outline that my coach provides before every session- what were my accomplishments this week?  That would be easy since I made had contacted two people that were on my list from the last session. My coach provided positive reinforcement for doing this and discussed how the meeting that I had and the one that I was going to have were going to fit into my goals.

Where to go to next for the session, I thought about our prior discussion related to managing people that work for me and that I work with.  It was here I could bring up the event of the other day that I had dealt with. Again, my coach complimented my handling of the situation and offered further thoughts on how to set boundaries and expectations that would help when working with these people.

My coach then reminded me that the conference I was going to attend in two weeks, that I had previously mentioned in another session , would be another potential opportunity to identify additional resources for my business .  He told me to think about possibly inviting out one of the speakers of the conference to breakfast or for a drink.  He said a lot of times the speakers are alone at this type of conference and appreciate someone making an effort to include them in the fold.

As the session was nearing an end, I asked the coach how things were going for him.  He shared with me some of his business ideas he was working on and we chatted further about the potential profitability of these ideas. It got my creative juices flowing always thinking about how it is important to keep coming up with new business ideas to keep your business moving forward and be in the forefront of your profession.

We finished up with  setting up our appointment for the following week and said our goodbyes. As I began to walk to my car to begin my workday I began to smile to myself and though okay today turned out to be a more meaningful session than anticipated.

So why did I attend my coaching session at 7:30 this morning? 

• To hold myself accountable on  a weekly basis
• To feel good about my progress/accomplishments
• To be proactive about my business and continual move it forward
• To have a support mechanism for me and my business (business therapy)

So there it is — my client just made me feel wonderful for the weekend. I owe a lot of what I am today to her. - Rich

The Number One Way People Get Derailed.

It happened to you again. It's happened to me. It's happened to all of us at one time or another. We blame other people, circumstances, luck, your parents, your family, and ultimately the finger always points back at YOU.

Only you can change your situation. But we sometimes are afraid of what might happen. We start making up elaborate stories about what 'will' happen. We get caught up with a lack of inspiration, confidence, focus, energy, and my favorite persistence. How don't you get derailed? 

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

I get a lot of business cues from watching Mad Men, a tv series based in an ad agency in the 1960's. During the last episode, the main character, Don Draper is frustrated at the firm's new win — Jaguar and Dunlop Tires. He states, " These are piddly-little companies — I want Chevy and Firestone. Forget Lucky Strike, I want Dow Chemical." His partner instantly retorts back, "This is the old Don Draper, I've missed him." And subsequently makes the Dow Chemical meeting happen.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Right now — what's the one thing you would do to make your career, your job, your business BETTER?

Who would you call? What would you do? What can you affect?

Here's the secret: Just Do It. Make It Happen.