How We Sabotage Our Success.

Let me take you through a simple business process and show you how we all sabotage our success every day with subtle procrastination behaviors:

I had to FedEx a letter to a prominent executive last week to connect with them. Pretty easy? Not on your life (in fact, I use the same process I leverage with my clients everyday — same template, same process, same delivery).

The funny thing is, you wouldn't believe the myriad of ways fear, uncertainty, and doubt took over in my mind to stop me from doing this simple task. For instance:

1. When composing the letter, it took me HOURS to decide on a template (design). Not too fancy, should I use my logo?, how should I sign it?, what should I say?, is it too much (too funny/clever)?, etc.

2. Working with FedEx Online was fun. Just as I set up my account and answered all their questions, I lost the whole thing three times. If that doesn't frustrate you, I don't know what will.

3. Getting the letter in an envelope. What to put outside? A Post-It? A formal label? What!?!?!?!?!?

4. Transporting the letter to the nearest FedEx location in time to ensure the date on the letter is reasonable. With a schedule like mine, it's hard to make a major detour, especially with Mr. Procrastination rearing it's ugly head.

5. Deciding on what FedEx level to send. There are probably 25 different permutations from cheap (slow) to outrageously expensive (fast).

6. Seeing an imperceptible spot on the envelope and canceling the entire process and starting all over again.

You get the gist of it. I threw up so many stupid, mental roadblocks in my way that I almost didn't send the letter. A letter. A simple letter. Do you do this? What are the subtle behaviors you have that knock you off course?

The only thing that got me through it is just telling myself the old Winston Churchill quote: "Never, never, never give up."

And I didn't. Now I have to call the guy tomorrow. Wish me luck.

P.S. I tracked the letter - mailed it in Shelton, it went to Memphis and then back to Westport. You gotta love FedEx traffic!

How Do You Get More Confident?

“Do one thing every day that scares you.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

The other day, I was coaching one of my clients on building confidence. “Most people mix-up confidence with cockiness. A person who is being cocky says. “I know that.” They’re cocky because they’re conceited or arrogant, especially in a bold or impudent way.

Confident people are different. They might say, “Really, I did not know that. Tell me more.” They’re showing confidence in oneself; self-assured. They do not have to brag or showoff, because they feel at peace with their self-esteem. 

So how do you get more confident? I use the word ‘more’ because confidence isn’t a light switch, it’s a gradual range from awkward/incompetent all the way to cocky/braggart with confident right smack in the middle.

The development of confidence is based on your actions (body language, etc), not because of words. A true belief in yourself is developed due to internal and external validations that occur again and again. Let me repeat — AGAIN & AGAIN. There are one offs who, since birth, have had irrational confidence in themselves. You know them — Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos. But they’re outliers.

Irrational confidence allows these individuals to lift themselves up and know that they will eventually prosper at the something they're after. These irrationally confident people still know of the hard road ahead of them. The only difference between them and your average Joe is that they have decided they will never give up. That they will get what they're after, no matter the cost.

Here is the bad news — in order to become confident about something, you must prove to yourself that you are great at that thing. However, if you want to become great at that thing, you must do it over and over again. And, if not the first day, before long, you will fail. No one likes failure. Many failures can hurt your ego and your self-esteem. 

Years and years or even months and months of this punishment can demoralize you and get you to give up. Here we reach the tipping point for most. They will begin rationalizing whether or not it is worth it, and decide whether or not they should abandon their goal. The comfortable will almost always abandon their goal because, why bother... they don't really need to do that, they have X, Y, and Z anyway?

This is why you will easily develop confidence in the things that you are most passionate about. But, if you're not naturally passionate about it, you must sell your soul in order to prosper and gain an unwavering confidence. Whatever it is must own you for a least a period of time. It must consume you and make your knuckles white. Or, you must box yourself in and force yourself to become passionate about it. You must remove the comfort, in order to create a desire.

However, there are some things you can do to make yourself more confident in starting after something at all. At it's root, confidence is really a convergence of life experiences. Confidence for all those things you have sold your soul to (with lots of money spent) and the confidence developed from your passions, all begin to compound to create a smoother journey for those things you lack confidence in. 

In this way, your ego takes over, and helps you to power through situations you're less confident about. "I can talk to my boss without being nervous, I am the woman who came from nothing, look what I made myself into." Or, "I can talk in front of all these people, I was able to overcome X, Y, and Z. What I went through was hard, and look at what I can do."

However, what is still missing is the succession of this task, and succession over and over again. You must have a track record in the particular task in order to feel an unwavering confidence. You must truly believe, and prove it to yourself. 

Whatever it is you want to be confident about, you must practice it until you're blue in the face. You must understand that pain is a normal part of this journey, and so is failure. But, when you reach a state of confidence, nothing feels better, or makes you feel more alive.

Practice what you want to become.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

I've just finished one of the most powerful books I've read this year. It's by a wonderful woman named Bronnie Ware, and it focuses in on the actual voiced regrets of people she encountered when they were dying. Powerful stuff - go and pick up the book!

Here's a small excerpt:

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

What Type of Leader Are You?

Too often, we are placed in a situation that requires us to modify our reaction to a person. For example:

• An associate on our staff who challenges our authority.

• A client who is very late on their payment.

• A peer who throws you under the bus in front of your boss.

We try to be professional, calm, cool, and collected — but sometimes we need to step out of our management comfort zone to react appropriately. Unfortunately, we don’t want to come off like a jerk. I’m here to help you.

There is a range of management personalities — I want you to stay away from the extremes. At one extreme of the range is a ‘Pushover’. We all know someone like that and unfortunately, no one wants to be one. On the other extreme of the range is a ‘Jerk’. We’ve all worked for one in our lives.

In the center of the range is the ‘Professional’. Someone who is direct and pleasant to work with. They’re fair and non-judgmental. We all try to maintain our proactive and reactive behavior in the center.

Then an errant associate, client, or peer tries to take advantage of your good nature. Many people let it happen because they “don’t want to come off like a Jerk”. 

Then, don’t go there. There is an extreme amount of range in-between ‘Professional’ and ‘Jerk.’ In fact, many good managers will move a bit down on the range and let their ‘Stern’ behavior out and take the associate, client, or peer to task. That’s a normal business process — show them that you mean business.

Too often, we’re also afraid of being labeled a ‘Pushover’, so we guard ourselves and treat everyone with a ‘Stern’ manner. On the other end of the range is ‘Nice’ — being overly pleasant, accommodating, and motivating without veering off into ‘Pushover’-Land.

Bottom line, try to maintain your management style in the ‘Professional’ center with infrequent trips to ‘Nice’ and ‘Stern’ when the errant situation appears. I’ve seen the best leaders hover in ‘Professional’ and radiate out on the range when needed.

If you worry about coming off as a ‘Jerk’ to people, stop worrying. A Jerk never worries about that — they’re too busy being a Jerk.

Do You Have A Fixed Or Growth Attitude?

You have a Growth Attitude when you see your abilities as just the starting point which can be developed by dedication, hard work, and effort. This viewpoint creates a resilience, a love of learning, and easy acceptance of new challenges.

Frequent inner thoughts of a growth attitude:
“Failure is an opportunity to grow”
”I can learn to do anything I want”
”Challenges help me to grow”
”My effort and attitude determine my abilities”
”Feedback is constructive”
”I am inspired by the success of others”
”I like to try new things”

You have a Fixed Attitude when you believe your abilities are just given to you. You might constantly worry about how adequate/inadequate you are instead of developing your abilities. You believe talent alone creates success — without effort and are reluctant to take on challenges.

Frequent inner thoughts of a fixed attitude:
”Failure is the limit of my abilities”
”I’m either good at it or I’m not”
”My abilities are unchanging”
”I can either do it, or I can’t”
”I don’t like to be challenged”
”My potential is predetermined”
”When I’m frustrated I give up”
”Feedback and criticism are personal”
”I stick to what I know”

Here’s the kicker — you can move from a Fixed Attitude to a Growth Attitude instantly. How?

Most people have a mixture of a Growth (GA) and Fixed Attitude (FA) — they might be more fixed at home and growth oriented at work. And if you aren’t a mixture of the two, you can slowly move on the Fixed-Growth Attitude spectrum just a bit. Here are some examples to help you expand your Growth Attitude:

Read a book. Most FA people usually say, “I know everything I need to know!” Pick out a self-help, business, biography or history book and start reading. You will get new ideas from it.

Try something new. Don’t keep doing the same things the same way — drive home a different way, host a meeting outside instead of in a stuffy conference room, reach out and have lunch with a connected person.

When you’re about to give up, stick to it. Frustration can be a powerful motivator if focused in the right direction. When we hit an obstacle, we tend to retreat — re-double your efforts and move forward.

Challenges in life are a part of growth. It’s the world testing us to see if we will evolve or huddle in our cave (or cubicle). If work stops becoming a series of challenges and turns into a 9-5 mundane process, it’s time for you to kick it up a notch. Ask for more interesting work, get on a hot project, or look for a better position.

Go After The Puck.

As Wayne Gretzky said a number of years ago: 
"I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been."

— Where do you think your puck is going to be in the next five years?

— Where is your career or business going? Is it thriving or flat?

— Where is your industry going? Growing or shrinking?

These are VERY scary questions to ask on a Monday morning. Let’s be honest — when is the right time to ask?

We tend to hide in our comfort zone — we cocoon in our offices and cubicles or keep selling the same products and services year after year. 

Suddenly, someone comes along and upsets the entire apple cart. They not only turn it over, they burn it down. We’ve seen it happen to many industries lately — but we keep sticking our head in the sand hoping to get just ONE MORE YEAR.

I want you to be proactive instead of reactive. Here are three actions for success:

1. Who is your most connected, influential or successful friend? Set up a lunch with them. You need to start surrounding yourself with success — they know where the puck is going. Do this every week.

2. Where is your industry, company, clients, etc. are going to be in the next 2-3 years? What’s happening? What’s changing? Who are the change makers? Learn who’s doing what and where you need to go.

3. Start preparing yourself. You need to get into the mindset that you’ll be moving from company to company every few years. If you own a business, you need to re-evaluate your clients, your products, and your marketplace yearly. Don’t get complacent — that’s a recipe for disaster today.

Go hit that puck. Today.

You Need A Career ‘Bug-Out Bag’

When reporters are sent instantly abroad for a story, they have a ‘go-bag’ packed and ready to go. If you live near a high-risk area for disaster, many people have a ‘bug-out’ bag by the door, in-case they have to leave their home within minutes.

I want you to build your own Career Bug-Out Bag for your next departure and smooth landing. Odds are, you’re not going to spend your life at your company, so we need to put in place certain behaviors and items in your Bag.

I engage all of my clients to be in a position of confidence and assertiveness when it comes to their job. If you have a boss that suddenly turns awful, or the company’s fortunes sour, or the marketplace turns, I want you to grab your Bag and run to the next position ASAP.

If you really want to understand what I mean — watch this film clip. Caution - there’s lots of swearing, but it gets my point across quickly. 

What you should ‘pack’ in your Career Bug-Out Bag:

Resume — keep it up-to-date with your current role and frequently modify based on your activities and successes over the past few years.

LinkedIn Profile — duplicate your resume modifications on your profile, regularly add connections, once a week post an article to keep it fresh, and get recommendations/testimonials with people in your business circle. In addition, replace your headshot regularly (every 2 years).

Connections — have phone calls, coffee, lunch with key connections on a regular basis. Do not let your contact base atrophy — even a simple 10-minute phone call in the morning can do wonders for your career. Maintain your contact list at work and home.

Networking/Events — schedule monthly networking or events on your calendar. You need to consistently pop the company bubble, get out, and meet new people.

Marketing Yourself — continue to write articles and speak at conferences to hone your message, develop your industry authority, and stay fresh.

Always Looking & Asking — Don’t cocoon at your new role. Keep your eyes wide open for new opportunities within and outside your new company. I ask my clients to move from role to role every 3 years to stay fresh and significantly increase their worth on the market.

Your Smile Is Your Logo.

“Your smile is your logo, your personality is your business card, how you leave others feeling after an experience with you becomes your trademark.” — Jay Danzie

Too often, we tend to hide our real connecting abilities with brochures, pamphlets, websites, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and a myriad of other distractions. Not that they are BAD per se, but they sometimes get in the way of what REALLY counts.

SMILE: 
When you first meet someone, do you project a REAL smile? 

Are you genuinely happy to meet them? Or are you faking it? Step back and understand WHY you might not be fully engaged in making a new friend. Are you insecure? Are you tired? Are you distracted? The more present you are when connecting with people, the more successful you'll be in life because you are projecting true authenticity. You’re there to make a new friend.

PERSONALITY: 
How can you kick up your personality? 

Most people think they can't — the personality they have is the one they're always going to have. That's bunk. You can change your personality instantly by kicking up your enthusiasm, engage your body language, pump up your patter — talk faster, a bit more forceful, change the intonation frequently. Act like you are excited to meet them and learn all about them. Make connecting stick.

MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD: 
Take a genuine interest in the other person you're connecting with.

Ask powerful questions, "What new things are you doing this year? How are they turning out?" Ask lots of questions and really try to understand who they are, what they do, and how you can help them. Follow up with my favorite three-word phrase: “Tell me more!"

"The more goodwill you spread out into the world, the more it will circle around and come right back to you.” — Rich Gee

To Succeed, You Have To Hustle.

Are You A Pilot Or Passenger In Your Career?

If you hit a crisis or something goes wrong, it's someone else's fault. We are the victim. 

That isn't the case. Stop being the victim. Start taking control of your life and career. Turn off your career ‘cruise control’ and direct your life.

CHALLENGE #1:
I want you to do one thing today that scares you.

Pick up that phone right now and make that call you’ve been procrastinating on. Check out that company you've always dreamed to work for. Arrive at work extra-early and get more done in one day than you've ever done before. Push yourself farther and scare yourself in the process. You'll thank me.

If you're doing it the same way other people are doing it, you're doing it wrong. That’s usually the ‘safe’ or 'old’ way of doing it.

Be brave and do something completely different. Be creative and take a risk — reach out to people and try something new. Don't care about what other people think — that will just hold you back. Ask for forgiveness, not permission.

CHALLENGE #2:
Take a moment and think of one simple, crazy change you can make.

Design a new business card, reach out to that senior VP or business owner who is doing cool stuff that amazes you. Ask them to lunch. Test a new way of running your project — put it on an express train and beat that deadline.

I hate the word inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work. Don't wait for that bolt of lightning to hit your brain. Do it NOW.

The best ideas come from doing and working the process. It comes out of actually accomplishing the work. It’s time to get your hands really dirty.

CHALLENGE #3:
Stop waiting for that 'inspirational' idea to jump out and land on a blank sheet of paper.

If it hasn’t happen yet, it’s never going to happen. Dig into work this week and see where you can streamline a process, delegate a lame task, or discard an outmoded activity. Get rid of them.

Work smarter, not harder. You will suddenly see new ways of doing things better, stronger, faster (like the Six-Million Dollar Man). Stop meandering along doing the same old thing the same old way.

Hustle this week. You'll thank me.

Do The Impossible — The Country Club Technique.

Successful businesses and careers are a lot about making tough things happen.

We get caught up in the inertia of our fears and are afraid of making a mistake. One exercise we use with our clients centers around a 'country club event'. Here's the scenario . . . you are in front of a country club and we've charged you with the task of getting into their 'event' with no invitation, no money, nothing.

Now you may ask, like all of our clients do, how can I do this? And we say - "I don't care. Just figure it out and MAKE IT HAPPEN." We then let the client come up with a number of scenarios how they could talk their way into that event successfully.

• "Maybe I sneak in the side door and go through the kitchen."

• "I can make friends with people in the parking lot and go into the party with them."

• "I can inquire at the lobby about membership in the club and get in that way."

• "I can paraglide from a remote mountain and land on the golf course and sneak in wearing a tux."

You get the idea. This technique primes your brain to think of alternatives without your fears canceling them out. It gives you a platform to then substitute your situation and make assertive decisions and subsequent actions.

Career and business changes produce a similar situation — "I don't know where to begin." or "I don't know who to talk to." or "What happens if it goes wrong?" are frequent responses.

What we then say is: "I don't care. Just figure it out and MAKE IT HAPPEN." We then brainstorm scenarios on how to meet that CEO or this important person and then MAKE IT HAPPEN. Action sometimes trumps deep thought (and worry).

The next time you run into an obstacle, step back and say "Figure this out and MAKE IT HAPPEN." You'll find yourself taking action before the fear and complacency begin to move in and you get that much closer to changing your career.

Nike was right with "Just Do It".

One Of My Favorite Life-Changing Quotes.

“If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, it’s time to water your own grass.”

• Stop trying to compare yourself to others if you always make yourself feel inferior.

• Stop trying to yearn for a better job , if you don’t first try to make your current job better.

• Stop making the same mistake again and again because you focus on others and not on yourself.

• Stop trying to keep up with the Joneses in your career.

Here are some simple tips to help:

How would you rate how effective you are at your current job?

Not how hard you work, how smart? Remember high school . . . did you get straight A’s? Do you do extra credit to ensure that your GPA is at the top? If not, you won’t do any better at your next job. Ask your boss for more work, take night classes, read books, surf the web for knowledge . . . Start watering your lawn.

How many important people do you know in your company?

Outside of your company? Every lawn needs it’s fertilizer — in addition to watering, you need to add a healthy sprinkling of important connections to make your career grow strong.

Are you adding ‘WOW’ to the current responsibilities you have?

Take a concerted interest in growing your own lawn first. Take work home and see how you can grow your own plot of land first — who can you influence, who can add fertilizer?

Maybe you need to trim your own lawn.

Where can you cut? What activities or tasks can be dropped to focus on the more important responsibilities? Who can you delegate to? Hand off some responsibilities that others might want to do?

Are there old cars or rusting play-sets on your lawn?

Time to brush those errant tasks and hangers-on that tend to waste your time and affect the growth of your lawn. Clear out and retire the obsolete activities and the non-essential meetings that take your eye off your lawn.

Are there idiots at night driving on your lawn, making deep ruts with their truck?

Investigate, isolate, and take care of errant peers, bosses, and subordinates who are sabotaging your efforts to grow a strong and healthy lawn. Shut them out of meetings, don’t talk to them and if need be, escalate to the appropriate areas. Also, put up an electric fence around your property — if they decide to go driving again, they will get a real shock!

Try and take care of your own lawn first . . . you might have the best piece of property on the street and not know it until you take action.

Be A Time Management God.

Over the past few weeks, I've been aggregating many time management tips I share with my clients to get more done in the limited amount of time they have.

It's a mix of managing your time more effectively and dealing with that old devil — procrastination. By the way, if you feel you're the worst offender in the world, get in line. We ALL suffer from these ailments:

• Time management is really prioritizing your tasks. If you really want to get something done, block time for each task in your calendar (yes, keeping an accurate calendar is critical). Ensure you add buffer time (prep work, travel time, etc.) or your calendar will fail miserably.

• You will always find an excuse to procrastinate. Procrastination has its own in-built solution, usually involving panic and adrenaline (read this).

• Take frequent, short breaks. Falling back to regroup can help many people recharge and regain focus when things start getting fuzzy or monotonous. Go for a walk, stretch, get a coffee — move away for a few minutes and then come back to it.

• "Perfect is the enemy of good." I develop a good balance of quality and time — I schedule a strict deadline and work to it. The result won't be perfect, but it will be close to perfect every time. My articles take 60 minutes to write — they’re not Shakespeare, but thousands of people read them and let me know how many of my crazy ideas have changed their lives.

• Work for 50 minutes out of every hour. The Pomodoro technique works pretty well for me and many of my clients.

• Learn what your productivity kryptonite is. For some it's surfing, coworkers, surfing, clients, phone calls, surfing — download an app if you don’t have the willpower. There are a bunch of plugins/apps you can download to block yourself from distracting websites: StayFocusd (Chrome plugin) or SelfControl (Mac program).

• Always have a notepad handy. Write down anything/everything you may think you will forget in short form. You can then transfer it to your calendar.

• Plan out each tasks into smaller, more achievable steps. Keep your to-do lists short — meaning nothing more than 2 or 3 steps. I've found that if I follow this, there's a better chance of completing them and less chance of becoming overwhelmed and giving up.

• Go to a public place where we feel we might be judged if we are not doing work. It might be the public library, Starbucks, central conference room or the company cafeteria.

• Make a schedule of what you will do in one day and stick to it. At first, it will be difficult to accurately estimate a solid workday — but you’ll get better at it with time. Reward yourself for achieving your goals that day — you deserve it.

• Buy this book by David Allen. I read it years ago and I felt more relaxed in the first week — it really helps you to focus on the things that really need to be done.

• Find out which hours you are at your BEST. For example, I’m a morning person so I try to do critical tasks early in the morning. Many problems arise when we try to do the hard stuff when we’re not mentally/physically ready for it.

• Eliminate elements which tend to eat your time like unnecessarily long phone calls, useless chats with people, etc. Figure out what they are and cut down doing them.

• Don't play the victim. If I get distracted by something, it isn't the fault of what/who distracted me, my cluttered-brain, whatever's making me sad, or some ADHD affliction — it's my fault. I did that. Own it and move on.

• Start each day with the proper mindset. I think the song ‘Don't Stop Believin’ by Journey describes the mindset I aim for. I listen to motivating music, podcasts, or books EVERY DAY.

• Buy AirPods. They’re a giant productivity boost for me — they allow me to focus on getting important things done and they discourage wacky interlopers.

And finally, my favorite:

I construct each weekday in such a way where the only work that needs to be accomplished is incredibly important to me — like coaching my clients. Try to put yourself in a position where what you do is what you love.

The Importance Of Playing Tennis With Better Tennis Players.

"It's better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you'll drift in that direction." - Warren Buffett

Have you ever played tennis?

• Play with someone worse than you, you won’t push yourself at all and play at a much lower level than you usually do. You’ll coast.

• Play with an equal player, I promise your game will be boring as hell. Back and forth, you get one point, they get one point. BORING.

• Play with a better player and you'll be forced to play a better game. You’ll have to move faster, anticipate their moves, and push yourself harder than you ever have before.

Think of all the highly successful business people you know, whom do they hang around with? Who do they have lunch with? Why do you think they do that?

Because they play a better game. The easiest way for an adult to learn is to mimic other adults actions and behaviors. It could be a very apparent behavior or a very subtle action. But these cues are picked up (just like in tennis) and are absorbed.

So today, you need to play a better game. Hang with the big boys and girls. Watch what they do, how they react, how they take action. Set up that lunch, make that appointment, hire that new rising star — it’s time you play your ‘A’ game.

You might surprise yourself and serve that ace.

Be Direct & Ask For What You Want.

If you want something, ask for it. Pretty simple, eh? Actually, it's not. Many people run into external (and more frequently) internal obstacles.

Even though more women are affected than men, it's not just a woman's thing. Many men also run into the same obstacles when direct requests are required.

Why does it happen? Why do we shirk from being direct with a boss, colleague, or client?

1. We are afraid of coming off as whining or complaining.

2. We are afraid of a blunt response that will further deepen our insecurity.

3. We don't know what we really want.

4. You don't really believe you will receive what you are asking for (limiting beliefs).

5. You don't feel you have to ask — people should instantly realize your needs.

6. You don't know HOW to ask.

Most psychological studies prove that people are more likely to help you if you just ask in a simple and direct fashion. A smile doesn't hurt either. Most people are nice and willing to help someone in need.

One way I help my clients overcome being direct is to do "The Starbucks Challenge". I ask them to go to their local Starbucks, find the most expensive drink on the menu, order it, and then ask for a discount. It's amazing most people will build up a temporary anxiety complex all the way to the Starbucks location. They will run through various scenarios and their fear will mount until they ultimately ask for a discount. Of course, they will be turned down — but the realization afterward that they were acting childish makes the lesson even more powerful. Try it.

So let's tackle each one:

We are afraid of coming off as whining or complaining.

This is one of the biggies — we don't want to sound whiny or negative, so we don't really ask for what we really need. In fact, if you dance around the subject or draw out the request, YOU WILL sound whiny. Be direct, ask for what you want, and listen for the response — you will be pleasantly surprised.

We are afraid of a blunt response that will further deepen our insecurity.

Yes, you might receive that 'NO' infrequently. Conversely, you will frequently receive an unexpected 'YES'. In addition, the NO will not be blunt and yelled at you by your boss. Most of the time it will be couched comfortably in "let me think about it" or "not now", rather than a hurtful NO. We are so afraid of NO's (probably from childhood) that we are afraid of being direct.

We don't know what we really want.

A lot of people fall into this category. When something is really important, we tend to 'complexify' our need and flub our request. Successful people keep their requests super-simple and direct. Don't dance around the subject, don't parry and feint with your verbiage — just ask. One way to do this is to write down exactly what you need, hone the message, and then ask.

You don't really believe you will receive what you are asking for (limiting beliefs).

I run into this all the time with clients who want a promotion/raise or business owners who need to increase their fees. Many people have self-imposed, limiting beliefs which directly impact their ability to move up the corporate or business ladder. In the end, they are deceiving themselves — I actually had one client double their fee and their patients happily paid it. You just have to ask. Practice makes perfect — try to push yourself to ask for simpler things from strangers — to look at their newspaper, borrow their cellphone, etc. You will find they will happily share and you will build your confidence.

You don't feel you have to ask — people should instantly realize your needs.

This also circles around raises and promotions. A lot of people think they all have a guardian angel protecting them at work who will accurately track their progress and reward them when it's time. That's BS. Even the best managers forget to track their best performers and are always reticent to provide increases. You have to ask for them — because the only person caring about your needs is YOU.

You don't know HOW to ask.

I left the best one for last. There are a lot of people who just don't know how to get what they need because they've never done it. From the reasons above, this is how you do it — write exactly what you want down on paper, simply it, practice your request, find the best time to catch the person your asking, be direct and to the point, and then shut up. Let them respond — don't add anything else by prevaricating.

You will either receive a YES or a NO. It's that simple.

Top 10 Clear Signs It's Time To Quit Your Job.

Here's my Top 10 (in no real order of importance) list why you should probably quit your current position and move on:

1. You start looking forward to the weekend on Wednesday (or even worse, Monday). This is the typical, "I can't stand my job and I love my weekends behavior". Face it, you are going to spend a LOT more time at work during the week — start enjoying that environment too. If you don't like what you do, your boss, the people, the commute, etc. — change it.

2. Sunday night is the loneliest time of the week because you have work the next day. If you hate going to work where it begins to affect your weekends, it's time to start looking for greener pastures.

3. You find yourself mired in mundane tasks at work - you're not working on exciting and challenging projects. It happens to the best of us — sometimes we need a career 'reset' button to help us re-focus on what's really important and where we want to take our career.

4. Everything is becoming SOS - same old stuff - day in, day out repetition. If you're just wrapping the same old chocolates every day — it's time to go.

5. You never ask for guidance or advice anymore from your boss. You've grown out of your role. This is a telling sign — you've outgrown your manager. They don't have anything else to teach you — and to be successful, you have to keep learning.

6. Everyone around you is as unmotivated and depressed as you are. Oh-Oh — either management is not doing their job or the company is ailing. Time to look for healthier stock.

7. Your superiors begin to take long lunches and start to leave the company. They know something you don't know. That's a clear sign you're about to be acquired, broken into small chunks, or obliterated into the atmosphere. Start planning your exit strategy.

8. Sales are down, the company hasn't rolled out anything new in the marketplace for a long time, and your competitors are hitting new heights. Things might turn around, but then, they might not. It's up to you if you have the time, temerity and patience to wait.

9. You can't get anything accomplished, projects are never approved (or cancelled mid-term), or your division is distracted by crazy hail-mary launches that never work. That is one of the most frustrating parts of corporate work — the lost years — the lost projects — and eventually, the lost people. If you find you're giving 150% to all of your work and for some reason, they're cancelled, postponed, or put on the shelf, it's time to step back and assess. Not only does it suck, but it cuts right to the bone of any performing professional to see your blood, sweat and tears wiped away in a matter of minutes. Time to go.

10. Things don't feel right - your salary has been stagnant for years, bonuses are anemic, and you find yourself surfing a lot on the web. Any one of these three are a clear indicator of a bad work situation. If you get more than one, start polishing your résumé.

Extra-Credit: Upper management employs a 'consultancy firm' to help them turn the ship in the right direction - always a clear signal something's wrong.

Most consultancy firms are brought in when management is either disconnected from the business or they are unable to develop a new business solution on their own. In my opinion, these consultancies are usually a band-aid for a more severe problem — they're brought in to calm the fears of investors and show Wall Street that the company is on-track to hit their fake targets.

In any event, there will be changes. Either The Bob's (watch this scene from Office Space) will come in and assess everyone's responsibilities and/or they will make broad spectrum changes that will probably impact your progress. Time to review your options and think about leaving.

How To Get Everyone To Return Your Calls.

You’re not going to believe this, but I hate the phone. You would think as a coach and someone who runs a highly successful business, being on the phone all day would be fun, exciting, and powerful. It is for coaching — I get energized! It is for colleagues, friends, and family — we can talk for hours.

It’s when I have to either cold call or play the dreaded phone-tag. That’s when I want to throw my phone out the window. Why?

Because most people don’t return calls. And if they do, they pick a time when it’s impossible for you to answer them (I think they strategically pick these times).

Let me give you a scenario that happens to me infrequently:

I get a prospect that has either heard me speak, read my articles, or has heard from a powerful friend about how I changed their lives with my coaching.

They call me up for a complimentary session, we have it, they love it, and will get back to me within 24 hours to let me know. Then they fall off the map. I try to call them and follow up leaving voicemails, email, etc.

No response.

Then one day, I was at my sales team meeting and a close colleague of mine gave me the secret to virtually compel people to call you back. And it works like a charm.

I send a short, simply worded email and end with three choices. Here’s what I write:

Dear Ryan Reynolds,

I really enjoyed our coaching session a few weeks ago. It’s rare when someone comes to me with clear business issues and the energy to deal with them. Kudos!

Near the end of our session, you were excited about coaching with me, but you said that you had to think about it and get back to me the next day. Over the past few weeks, I’ve endeavored to reach out to you via phone and email since I am holding a March coaching spot open for you.

There must be one of three reasons why we are not connecting:

1. You are no longer interested in coaching with me.

2. I have offended you in some way during our coaching session or through my messages.

3. You’re too busy with work to get back to me.

I await your response. Regards – Rich 

Within one business day, the prospect calls me at my office, guaranteed. It happens every time.

They always start out with, “You haven’t offended me in any way — I’ve just been so busy with work lately . . .”. I always listen, agree, and in the end, they become my client.

Try it — it works!

What techniques do you employ to get people to call you back?

What's Holding You Back? You Are.

I start all workshops and coaching relationships with the discussion of Limiting Beliefs. Why? In life, we run into so many external obstacles. People, institutions, rules, regulations, and hierarchies all play major roles in our life. They get in our way, they make us stumble, we get frustrated, and we give up. They win.

The more insidious of life's obstacles are your internal obstacles. I've broken them down into manageable chunks to allow you to understand them and to hopefully assess and ameliorate each one. When I think of limiting beliefs in my life, I call them life's 'Little Stinkers'. Here they are:

What We've Learned

These are the 'hard-wired' internal obstacles that are drilled into us from an early age. 'Don't do this' and 'you can't do that' play a major part in our learning process. We might have parents, siblings, teachers, and other adults in our life telling us what is right and wrong. Not that it's a bad thing — it's important to do — but sometimes they say certain things that are seared in our personality.

Examples: "They're out of your league" "No one can get an A in that class" "You're not artistic" "You can't sing"

What We've Experienced

These are the myriad of personal experiences when we've tried to step out of our bubble and try new things. And they don't go well. We try something new once or take a big step out of our comfort zone and fail. We revert back to a safe spot and constantly repeat to ourselves that we shouldn't go there — it's a waste of time.

Examples: "We shouldn't go there" "We can't do it" "It's not in our DNA" "I'd be happier staying the same"

What We Think/Fear

This is the third level of limiting beliefs. Take what we've learned and what we've experienced, mix them together, and you end up here. These are all the limiting beliefs we have in our head and we project them all into the future. We mentally scare and hold ourselves back from learning new things, experiencing new practices, and meeting new people.

Examples: "If I do it, I will fail" "This will be a futile exercise" "They won't like me" "They will laugh at me" "I will lose a lot of money"

What We Dodge

This is the lazy limiting belief. We get stuck or complacent in our limiting belief world and feel this is all I need to do. We take the other three limiting beliefs and let our procrastination, laziness, and distractions kick in to hold us back.

Examples: "This has worked all my life" "It's good enough" "My job is fine" (I hate the word fine) "I don't have the time"

Conclusion

If you let these limiting beliefs win, you will NEVER get the opportunity to change your life, your situation, your work, your abilities, your friendships, and possibly increase your happiness. I find if you just stay static in your life and career, you won't be happy for long. So start looking in the mirror and start eliminating those internal obstacles!

Deliver Life-Changing Presentations Every Time.

Some people love to give presentations. Some people hate it. Most people fall somewhere in between these two points on the presentation spectrum.

What outcome do you want from your presentation? A decision? Enthusiasm for a idea? A sale? A way to present bad numbers so they look good?

I've given thousands of presentations — from a small status update for my division, or an 850+ audience at The Hartford Insurance Company, all the way to major sales presentations to McDonald's and Home Depot.

It could be a myriad of things — but all great presentations have a few critical areas where they excel — Purpose, Resonance, Enthusiasm, Experience, Narrative. Let's look at each one and how it impacts your presentation:

Purpose - Why are we here?

I can't tell you how many presentations I've been to where two minutes into the presenter speaking, I'm already lost. They've given me no semblance of what they will be covering and some basic guideposts to gauge where we are in the presentation.

How to fix: One of your first slides should cover a brief summary of what you will be speaking about and what you expect from the presentation. Something as simple as: "Today, I will be covering why we should begin to move all of our executives onto iPads. I'm going to cover the current state, impact, and desired state of our mobile systems." It's that easy.

Resonance - Win your audience.

You are not reading out test scores — you're trying to sway your audience to feel for your position. So empathy and communication play large parts in how you give and relate your presentation to your audience. One definition of resonance is 'a quality of evoking a response'. Your job is to feel for your audience — understand how they are absorbing the information you're presenting.

How to fix: Keep scanning the audience — watch body language — see if they are engaged or distracted or puzzled. If they are checking out — get them involved — ask questions of the audience. Ask for their opinion and get them to raise their hands. Also, move around — engage all parts of your audience — get down to their level. Ask 'WHO' questions — "Who has this problem?" "Who would like to go first?". Ask 'WHY' questions — "Why do you think this is happening?" "Why did he react that way?"

Enthusiasm - Rally the troops.

Here's a little secret: All presentations are 90% Broadway. They're performances. Why? The more your audience is emotionally engaged in your presentation, the more likely they are to like it, take away key information, and tell others about it. If you just stand there and recite slides, they're going to check out, miss key information, and tell everyone you stunk.

How to fix: You are an evangelist of information. Live and breathe your info — get them excited about it too! Smile, raise and lower the tonality of your voice, and move your hands to make points. If you aren't excited about what you're speaking about, who will be?

Experience - Show them your stuff.

You need to know your topic. Many speakers get up and immediately venture down unchartered territory. When one errant question arises, they sudden fall silent or stumble with an answer. You have to know your topic cold.

How to fix: Keep your presentation on point — less is more. Stick to your topic and hammer all points of it — be prepared — anticipate most of the questions that will be asked. If you don't know something — say it: "Wow, that's a good question. I don't know, but I can find out. Let's talk after the presentation." It's that easy.

Narrative - Tell them a story.

Just spilling out facts will not help you with the other four areas. You have to relate stories - people LOVE stories.

How to fix: Tell stories. I usually incorporate at least 1-2 stories during a presentation. Make sure they stay on topic, are interesting or funny, and can be told in less than two minutes. Pick a situation in your career, someone who made a positive impact on you, or an item you found in your research. One caveat — too many stories about you will bore the audience.

P.S. If you’d like more information about how I deliver powerful presentations - Let’s talk. I’ve worked with thousands of business owners and executives and find this is a perfect way to start a coaching relationship — sign up to schedule a live, free coaching session. It's not just the mechanics — it's building confidence and knowing you can knock it out of the park.

The Best Time To Find A New Job Is When You Don't Need It.

In other words — Always be prepared to leave a job, because your employer is always prepared to leave you. More and more, many companies (not all, mind you) find themselves letting employees go for a number of different reasons. Too young/too old, too much/too little salary, old/new employee, old/new direction, high/low level position are just some of the myriad reasons why people are let go from their place of employment. Sometimes we find ourselves in the crosshairs and next thing you know, you're packing up your desk in a cardboard box.

"About six months ago i was offered a job from a supplier to my company, but I felt decently happy and comfortable working where I was. To my surprise I was laid off from work last week, and am now looking for a job."

You need to be prepared — here are the big six things I tell my happily employed clients to shield them from layoffs:

1. Keep your résumé/LinkedIn profile current and ready to go at a moment's notice.

2. Ask for testimonials when you finish projects/leave divisions/manager's move.

3. Embrace recruiters and interview — you never know what great position you might run into.

4. Develop a robust emergency nest egg (just in case).

5. Build your network — maintain past relationships and grow new ones with key people in your industry.

6. Most important — keep your skills current and focus on in-demand areas.

I hate to say this — the idea of living through a career with the same company seems to be long, long gone. Most people should expect to move at least every 2-3 years. If you don't, your employers will.

In addition, rarely will you experience major jumps in position/salary/benefits at the same organization. Most people experience larger percentage jumps when they move when they still have a job (check out this Forbes article). Waiting for a company to can you to get that severance package is a frequent strategy (especially if it's a big package), but your value in the marketplace is severely reduced.

By the way . . . if you're thinking, "I'm irreplaceable, they can't function without what I know" then you're underestimating an organization's willingness to protect themselves and make haphazard decisions based on human greed and emotions.

Day One on your new job is the first day of your new job search. Never stop looking for better. The minute your current employer doesn't need you, your butt will be out the door. Again, this perspective is not for all organizations, but it does cover the majority out there.

P.S. One final rule — Always backup key email, contacts, and project files (just in case). Most people forget how important this information is until they don't let you go back to your computer and walk you out of the building. So much of your potential portfolio when you're looking for a new job will be gone if you don't save it somehow. Be prepared and always back up to a personal thumb or external hard drive.

Don't Small Talk, Have Courageous Conversations.

Why do people hate networking events? Usually it's full of people who are all talking small. "How's business?" " There's a lot of people here." "How's the food?" "That's a great tie."

Shoot me now. We all hate these events - executives, vendors, and business owners alike. Unfortunately, we've been told that we have to go to them to grow our business. And they're right.

You have to regularly break out of your bubble and meet new people. Interact and market your product/service to get traction.

But how many events have you attended early in the morning or late into the evening that just sucked? Tons.

I have a technique to make them Powerful, Engaging, & Fun. Here are some of the things I do to dump the small talk and have courageous conversations:

1. Take An Avid Interest In The Person You're Speaking To. 

Most of the time, people are only thinking of themselves. In fact, many people closely listen to what you're saying only to anticipate a pause so they can talk.

Take the time to LISTEN to what the other person is saying and frequently add energizing sounds and body language to keep them going.

Paraphrase what they just said and insert a follow-up question to dig deeper into what they are commenting on.

2. Act Like A Host.

What do hosts do? They make their guests feel comfortable, at home, start fun conversations, and selflessly connect people together to build a strong networking circle of professionals.

What's wrong with acting like a host (even if you aren't the host) and helping your fellow attendees accomplish all of these goals?

I love to walk up to a group and ask everyone how they like the wine/food/room — they always positively comment and immediately invite me into their conversation. Try it.

3. Talk About Scary Subjects.

Instead of the weather, think of assertive, strong questions to get people out of their shell. Some I've used:

"So, what's your big project for 2017? How's it going so far?" "What new things are you trying to launch?" "Favorite super-power: Flying or X-Ray Vision?" (I love this one - ask me how it works) "Did you hire anyone new this year? What was the one quality that shined for you?" "What client do you absolutely despise? Why? Why don't you fire them?" "What's the scariest thing you've done in the past few years?"

Now understand, some of these work with new acquaintances — some will only work with friends or when you've conversed for a certain amount of time.

4. Open Up.

Once you've made an initial connection, try to open up and talk about serious topics. Once you get to know the, let them know that you just lost a client or that the product you just launched isn't doing that great (as an example). Being honest and authentic is so much better than fake and boring.

5. It Not All About YOU.

Don't go there only looking for business. In fact, frame your perspective around helping others. "I am going to try to connect everyone I meet to someone I know to help them build their business/career."

Givers Gain — make sure to try to help everyone (okay - not everyone - there are some lost causes in every bunch).

If you try just one of these — you will transform your typical, boring networking event into an exciting and memorable soirée. Be Courageous!