How Is Your Self-Esteem? It's Critical.

If one were to ask what single characteristic that makes you attractive to others, it would be self-esteem. Self-esteem, as defined by Nathaniel Branden in "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem," is the reputation one has with him or herself. The criteria which we unconsciously judge ourselves and which makeup our self-esteem is two fold:

1. The first is self efficacy, which is our perceived ability to deal with the basic requirements of life; i.e., competence.

2. The second is self respect, which is the degree to which we feel deserving of happiness, receiving the rewards of our efforts and how steadfast we are in defending our boundaries.

Branden gives us six basic pillars, which if worked on with sufficient effort will increase one's self-esteem. These are:

1. The practice of living consciously

2. The practice of self acceptance

3. The practice of self responsibility

4. The practice of self assertiveness

5. The practice of living purposefully

6. The practice of personal integrity

While I won't break down each of these in detail, when I work with clients, I preach many of these pillars in one way or another.

Branden explains that even the smallest improvements in any one of these pillars can lead to massive shifts on one's overall self-esteem.

Improvements happen in two steps. The first is asking, what do I want? And the second asks, what must I do? First, the conceptualization, then the execution.

It is with the execution step that one receives the reward of a boost in self-esteem. It isn't necessarily the successful execution of the action step, but an honest, committed attempt.

For example, if you have approach anxiety and you finally work up the courage to ask for a promotion or meet a high-potential contact, the reward received is substantial.

This execution, essentially imprinted your subconscious saying that you are willing to put yourself in harm's way in order to experience what you want, because you believe you are worthy of that experience. This is the basis for courage. This is why blasting through your fears can become an addiction for some people. The boost in dopamine and serotonin is very real, and feels amazing.

I highly recommend giving this book a read. It has been an essential tool in developing my own assertiveness and raising my overall sense of worthiness influencing my past career, my current practice and everything in between.

Six Secrets My Clients Know For 2018.

The new year is a time of inspiration and new beginnings. Here are some proven methods to make 2018 your best year ever — these are the tenets I share with my clients to help them knock it out of the park every month.

1. Decide to be successful. That’s the first step — most people are afraid of success, not failure. They feel that their lives will change drastically and become unmanageable. They want to stay in control, live the same small life, and worry about money all the time. If you face and conquer your fear of success (and failure) daily, you will see your career and life grow exponentially.

2. Leave the pity party. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and guilty about what you haven't done. It's a new year — take advantage of the freshness of January and work with a clean slate. Too often, we tend to live in a self-imposed pity party where we replay all of our faults, our mistakes, and the bad situations on a loop in our heads. It's time to stop and move forward — don't be that guest who never leaves the party.

3. Make it your duty. This is YOUR life and it's YOUR responsibility to make things better every day. It's YOUR duty to find ways to stay on track and focus on what will make you, your career, and your business better in 2018. Stop blaming or waiting for other people to do it for you. Stop being a baby — no excuses, make it happen.

4. Hang around better tennis players. To get better, you need to hang around people who play the game better than you do. Why? First, they will inspire you to push yourself to new heights — to run faster, jump higher, and perform at a higher level. In addition, better players will teach you better, faster and smarter ways to do things — to streamline your actions for better performance.

5. Work hard. Work smart. I can't say this enough. No one (and I repeat, no one) ever got to where they are by goofing off. By taking their time, moving at a snail's pace, or relaxing during work hours. Every successful person has put in blood, sweat, and tears to get where they are — they work and play hard to get to the levels you only dream about. If you're not putting in at least 40 hours each week, you're never going to get where you want to be.

6. Develop cash-flow opportunities & additional income channels. How can you make more money for the same amount of work? How can you capitalize on your performance and add additional value to what you deliver? Step back and think about what you do every day and see how you can increase it, package it, and disseminate it to get more bang for your buck. What other services or products can you deliver?

I know these six tenets will help you make 2018 your best year ever! If you need an accountability partner, try a complimentary session with me.

5 Ways to Heat Up Your Motivation.

This time of the year, most businesses tend to power down a bit (not all mind you) and it give us time to plan for 2018. Unfortunately, many of us also power down and procrastinate until we're in the middle of January. Our motivation for growth dissipates. Instead of cooling down, I want you to heat up your motivation for your business and show your clients/customers what you really can do for them.

Talk To Your Best Clients/Customers

It's that time of the year — bring them a present to show them how much you value their business. Don't send it to them — hand deliver it and tell them what they mean to your success. While you're there, run some new ideas/strategies by them to get their input.

Talk To Your Feeders

You know who they are — those wonderful people who deliver your best clients/customers to you. They are usually natural marketers, who promote services they believe in. Make sure you take them out for lunch and get their input on new ideas you might have.

Talk To Your Competition

You might think I'm crazy — but talking to your competitors is a powerful thing to do for your business. Not only does it test your confidence in your own business, it allows you to see what the other half is doing. In addition, you both might come up with an agreement to share clients when it benefits both parties.

Talk To Your Vendors

Reach out to the people who help you make your company what it is today. They have a major stake in your success and they probably have a few ideas on how to make it even better.

Talk To Your People

You are not an all-knowing, omniscient deity. You're just a human being with faults just like the rest of us. Reach out to your team and see what ideas they might have to grow or change your services. Many of my clients do this on a regular basis and they get gold from their employees. In addition, the employees feel appreciated and part of the process.

Have any other ideas to heat up your motivation? I tried to keep it to five, but there are many more out there. Let me know!

You Can Be The Best You Can Be.

I came up with a simple and powerful tool the other day. I was standing in my office in front of a large Post-It notepad sheet with a red sharpie in my hand (red delivers intention!) — and the ideas just flowed. What did I come up with to help you be the best? To be the best you can be, there are four stages to success — Find Me, Want Me, Sell Them, Close Them. This works for the corporate executive, to the aspiring entrepreneur, all the way to the person in transition. It's simple, it's direct, and it works. Let me explain each one:

STAGE ONE: FIND ME

We go through our lives partially hidden to key influential people and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. We either sit at our desk toiling away, make cold calls to people who don't want our services, or hide at home and send out electronic résumés to closed positions. And we wonder why we aren't moving up, getting the best clients, or landing that dream job. It's frustrating.

The best businesses are easy to find - a big sign, the best location — the ability to stand out and be a billboard so millions of people can see you:

• Executive: When was the last time you introduced yourself to the leaders in you organization? Do they know you?

• Business Owner: New signage, new website, new branding — getting out and touching lots of people?

• Transitional: Keywords on LinkedIn, writing articles, hitting industry meetings, hitting the library?

STAGE TWO: WANT ME

Okay — now we are being seen by the powers that be. What do we do now? We want them to WANT US. How do we do that?

You need to develop your own personal brand that will engage your audience and get them to see your ability, your product, and your talents:

• Executive: What can you do to really help your company? If you've done it, do you brag about it? Be bold.

• Business Owner: What one thing do you do that can change people's lives or fill a hole in their life? Spotlight your brand.

• Transitional: Polish your image and brand - hit the gym, change your fashions, and show them what you can do for them. No begging.

STAGE THREE: SELL THEM

They've seen us and they want us. It's time to sell them and show them we are the best choice (this is where most fail).

You need to develop an iron-clad delivery that will make them better understand what you can do for them and that you're the only person on this earth who can do it. Find the BURNING issue that keeps them awake at night and show them how you will solve it.

• Executive: Think big - what are the real issues your company/industry are facing right now? Figure out some powerful solutions.

• Business Owner: Who are your biggest/best customers? What aren't you doing for them that will change their life?

• Transitional: It's not what you did - it's what you can do for them RIGHT NOW. Pinpoint what that is and deliver it.

STAGE FOUR: CLOSE THEM

Everyone forgets this one. They market, produce the itch, and make the sale — then they forget to close or leave them hanging.

Once you've sold them — get them to sign on the dotted line. Don't feel that it's their job to jump into the boat after you've hooked them — take them off your line and place them nicely in your cooler.

• Executive: Once they are interested in you — try to offer yourself to help them with a major initiative or pitch. You have the time.

• Business Owner: Once they are sold — make the closing process simple, easy, transparent, and fluid. It should be pleasurable for the customer.

• Transitional: Ask for the job. Get them to commit. Show them that you can leave for a better opportunity. Sign on the dotted line.

If you stick to this method and produce key deliverables for each stage — I promise you — you will be THE BEST YOU CAN BE.

Just Do The Opposite.

“Pay more attention to what losers do wrong than to what winners do right.” Really? Aren't you supposed to focus on the stars and mimic each step they've taken to get where they are? How many self-help and business books are out there prognosticating the way to our success? Millions.

The truth: Most successful people don't actually know why they're successful. Timing, relationships, hard work, family support and a huge helping of luck are what make most people successful.

I'm not saying we should ignore successful people — it is helpful to see what they do right — but we also need to put more weight on the mistakes unsuccessful people make or we'll miss a huge piece of the puzzle.

Here are some techniques to do this:

First — look inside at the 'loser' we all have inside us — part procrastinator, part fear of change, or part looking for that magic pill to change our life. We need to shine a light and conquer that part of ourselves first.

Second — understand there is an extensive gradation from loser to success and we travel back and forth on that line daily. Our decisions, the people we meet, and the things that happen to us all impact the point on our line. One fact — we are never total losers or extreme successes — we usually live in the middle and dance around.

Finally — you need to figure out what are those actions, behaviors, people, and triggers that push us forward in life and which ones hold us back. Once you start to understand these forces, you will move faster towards your goals and dreams.

Spend more time with people who energize you and less with those who enervate your soul.

How To Do The Hard Things In Life.

We all encounter 'bad' stuff that we have to do in our lives. Make the hard phone call, visit the recalcitrant client, tell your vendor bad news. We all have that terrible interaction we all hate to do. You might have to ask for a late payment, a raise/promotion, or tell a client that a project will be late. You might have to reach out to a prospective employer who might want to hire you.

So what do we do? We procrastinate — we put off — we do anything else except that one hard thing.

And it festers. It grows. And it takes on a life of it's own. Just like the 50's movie 'The Blob' with Steve McQueen, the longer we let it roll around, the faster it grows and starts killing people. Just kidding - but it was a scary movie when I was a kid.

Here's how I train my clients to do the hard things in life — we have to treat it like we're going to run a 10k race. What are the four things we need to do to prepare for a long race?

1. Practice — You can't just run a 10k — you have to practice and prepare incrementally to do your best. You need to practice what you're going to say and do. Develop a series of bullet talking-points to guide you. Refine them — less is more. Then practice them until they roll off your tongue. Run them by someone you trust until you have the right mix of intensity and empathy to get your point across and get the intended result.

2. Fuel — You have to eat the right foods to fuel your body. It's now time to feed the motivation part of your brain. Figure out the one thing you do to get yourself in the right state of mind with a heavy dose of mental momentum. Listen to your favorite workout song, read motivational quotes/books, call a friend who energizes you, or even workout. Do something that will instantly build your confidence and get you ready to make that connection.

3. Stretch — Right before a race, everyone stretches their muscles and joint to get them ready for the 10k. I want you to do the same thing — once you build up your confidence, I want you to center yourself and focus solely on the task at hand. Meditate, close your eyes and focus.

4. Explode — Get on the starting line, the gun goes off, and you explode forward with hundreds of other runners all vying for position. I also want you to explode — after practicing, fueling, and stretching — I want you to go right up to your phone, dial the number and make that call. Don't procrastinate and don't tell yourself you're not ready — you know you are. Just do it.

When you finally do it — everyone — and I mean everyone — says that it wasn't as hard as they thought. In fact, they say it's pretty easy. Now it's time to make that second call. And the third. And so on. Good Luck!

A Mastermind Group Is Critical To Your Success.

Let's get right into it — You need to join/start a mastermind group. Here are the facts: WHAT is a mastermind group?

Four to seven people in the trenches just like you, who work on their business/career, and who want to learn and grow. Each member offers their current resources, tactics 
and tools that work for them — 
plus they give you support when you need it.

WHY start a mastermind group?

It's a structure that will literally pull your business forward:

• You don't get sidelined when bad things happen.
• You don't get distracted, because you’re building a critical support system.
• You have a comfort zone of success you’re accustomed to and can measure your performance.
• As you break through each ceiling, you'll need partners to pull you up.

WHO should be in your mastermind group?

Optimally, you play better tennis with people who play better than you. But I feel that diversity is the real power of your mastermind — get members from many areas/industries, age groups, etc. Surprisingly, you will all have the same issues, with subtle filters personalizing them to your business/career.

WHEN should you meet?

Usually you meet on a strict, regular schedule — bi-weekly, monthly, or quarterly. Attendance should be mandatory — your mastermind will only work if everyone is invested in its success. They run 3-8 hours, depending on the number of members, frequency of meetings, and the general 'antsyness' of each attendee.

FACILITATOR - Yes or No?

Yes — if you find your mastermind strays off course frequently and resembles a coffee klatch. The minute it becomes disorganized, unruly or off-course, you need a facilitator. I can help.

No — if you have dedicated members who recognize the power of your group, stay focused, and share in the responsibility of facilitating, developing topics to discuss, etc.

WHAT is the PAYOFF of a mastermind group?

• Exclusive Community — it involves dedication, communication, and a true willingness to succeed.
• Not On Your Own — the feeling of being alone goes away. You get committed business/career advisors.
• Grow Your Network — you get to connect with people you never knew existed.
• Learn — bring your skills & experience to the group. Other members will have a solution for you.
• Refer — once you are true colleagues, it's easy to refer business to one another.
• Unbelievable — masterminds infinitely impact your morale, business and career.

THE BOTTOM LINE:

We think our business/career security comes from making a lot of money, having a big title, or a checklist of major clients, but we're wrong. The greatest source of our security comes from close relationships with trusted friends.

To learn more about masterminds and how they can affect your business/career — let's talk.

I Found Out I Have PMR*.

I came upon a great quote from the Dalai Lama —  "There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live."

How often do we feel disappointed/guilty about yesterday and anxious/fearful about tomorrow? Probably a lot.

How do we live in 'today' increments? How do we focus on what needs to happen right now without letting the past and future hold us back?

I use a simple acronym - P M R:

P = Plan — Take 5 minutes to Plan your day. Get real, assess exactly what needs to get accomplished, and write it down. Just the stuff that needs to be done today. Add time increments to estimate how long each will take, prioritize each one, and then plug them into your day calendar.

M = Meditate — Take 5 minutes to Meditate. Clean the cobwebs! Sit back, close your eyes, and clear your thoughts. Start by taking a few deep breaths then use the exhalation to sigh and release the tension. Do it again. And again. I promise you will feel better and energized.

R = Reflect — Take 5 minutes to Reflect on all the good things in your life. Gratitude is an important part of staying in the present. We tend to focus and think of all the bad things, worry, forget, and then start the whole process again. Try to focus on the positive this time — your accomplishments, your family, etc.

Take the rest of the time and get stuff done! Don't be afraid of diving in and accomplishing your action items — in fact, you will feel invigorated. Trust me!

*Just found out there is a disease with the same acronym (there always is) - I do not have it nor am I at all using the acronym lightly.

The 5 Behaviors Of Successful People.

When I start with clients who are in-transition, we meet at my office in Stamford and I cover the Five Behaviors Of Successful People. I do this to help them focus, get out of a mental 'rut', and move forward with enthusiasm, passion, and determination.

In retrospect, I actually cover these five areas with all of my clients, but I do it differently — I'm a bit more subtle:

TRACK & PLAN You need to know where you've been, where you are, and where you're going at ALL TIMES. This means tracking your time (schedule) minute by minute and accounting for all of your time and energy. You should be sticking to a plan, taking discrete steps each day, and taking it to its natural conclusion.

FAIL: If you're just winging your calendar or making large swaths of time blocks, you're not tracking effectively. If you don't have a plan (try setting up 90-day plans — they're manageable), you will fail.

BE BOLD One of the original taglines for my coaching practice was "Be Bold In Life". I still love it because it embodies the swashbuckler spirit that we all need to be successful in business. You need to take chances, uncover opportunities, and most of all, you need to be BOLD in your thinking.

FAIL: Just keep saying "I can't do that!". Or constantly ask for permission to do things instead of just doing them. Or not doing them because you know they're going to fail.

THINK & ACT This is the cornerstone of my coaching philosophy — figure out what needs to be done and DO IT. Don't second guess yourself and get caught up in analysis-paralysis. Look at your options, make a decision, and take action. Worst case, if your wrong, step back, reassess, and take action.

FAIL: Procrastinate, contemplate forever and try to come up with every permutation. Push for perfection.

CHALLENGE Life is a series of challenges you must overcome to keep moving and stay happy. Work, relationships, kids, etc. are all made up of small and large challenges that we must deal with. Here's the secret — embrace each challenge with enthusiasm and vigor or you will go through life with a glass half-empty existence.

FAIL: Moan, complain, and run away from your problems. The faster you come up with a plan and deal with your challenge, the faster you will get on with your life.

OPEN UP You can spend your life closed down and not interacting with anyone or you can open your heart to the world and make a lot of new friends. Try to make a new friend every day — an acquaintance, a connection — take an avid interest in your fellow man. Most of all — SMILE!!!

FAIL: Stay home, watch TV, cocoon, close your office door, keep your head down and let your voicemail/email take over all of your connections. Oh yes — forget to smile.

It's Not Too Late To Turn Things Around.

One of my clients had a grand opening this weekend — and I made it a point to be there to help out with the crowds. It's a state-of-the-art fitness complex — the first of it's kind in Oxford — and by the size of the reception, it's going to be a huge success. As a small present, I designed and printed a banner of Greg Plitt with one of his favorite quotes:

"There are two types of pain, the one that breaks you and the one that changes you. In the gym, pain is felt as a result of weakness leaving the body. Physical pain is the glue of transformation and the pain of progress. The more you endure the harder it gets to accept the thought of failure."

What a great quote. I read it every time I'm in his studio and he pushes me past my physical limits (ouch). What happens if we apply this quote to our business/career?

"There are two types of challenges, the ones that break you and the ones that change you."

How often are you really broken down? Of course, we lose our job, we lose major clients, get yelled at by our boss or we might make a terrible decision that cost us lots of money.

But are you really 'broken' — or just powered-down for the time being?

"In business, loss is felt as a result of weakness leaving the body."

Too often, we tend to hang onto loss — we dwell on it — we make it a scar that we feel everyday. It keeps us from taking additional chances and bold decisions. We get gun-shy — we are afraid of making the same mistake again.

Will you REALLY make the same mistake again? Or are you coming up with excuses not to try something new that will take you out of your comfort zone?

"Business/Career loss is the glue of transformation and the pain of progress."

The bedrock of any business/career is TRANSFORMATION. You can't stand still — you have to innovate constantly to stay ahead of the competition. If you don't — you're taken off the main endcap shelf and tossed in the bargain bin.

"The more you endure the harder it gets to accept the thought of failure."

As you know, I regularly listen to 'How I Built This' — an NPR podcast where they interview successful business owners and how they got there. What's the one consistent theme I hear in every interview? FAILURE - LOSS - TRYING AGAIN.

If you grow a thicker skin when exposed to failure — it's easier to take bolder chances. Try it — it's fun.

Building Up From The Ashes.

What would you do if your website burnt down? Not literally, but if some catastrophic purge happened and you lost your entire website — all the copy, images, blog posts, testimonials — everything? You'd have to start FRESH. From the beginning. It would be a lot of work — but you'd get it done. And guess what — it would be better. Fresher. Newer. And it would probably bring in more clients.

Sometimes our career or business tends to get clogged up like an old set of drain pipes. Early on, water flowed through them perfectly — but as time wore on, they got gummed up with tired old slogans, artwork, and promotions.

Why? Because we don't see outside of our bubble.

• "It's good enough."
• "It says what I want it to say — even though I wrote it years ago."
• "That old business card still works — don't change it."
• "Everyone loves my holiday cards — I send the same one every year."
• "I have the perfect sales close — it works every time!"

FACT: If you don't change — you might go out of business or lose your job.

We have to tear down to rebuild. To start anew on a firmer foundation — to reach new customers and clients. To boldly go where no one has gone before.

Spring/Summer is here and it's time to clean house:

• Maybe a new logo is in order. A new font, shape, graphic might add energy to catch people's eyes.
• New coloration for your branding/signage. The wrong color/shade can date your company so quickly.
• A more responsive and attractive website that says less and does more. People don't have time to read pages of copy. Less is more - get right to the point and tell them what they need to know.
• Develop a new filing system for your desk. Make yourself more efficient and clear the decks.
• Clean your systems. Clean/replace your laptop, phone, etc.
• A new wardrobe, hairstyle, glasses, body. Stand back and be critical — maybe that hairstyle from the 80's isn't working anymore (I don't have that issue).

Every company and executive needs to update their image. If you don't, first impressions might turn potential clients and opportunities in the opposite direction. Yikes!

Are You In Group 'A' or 'B'?

I run into so many people who complain how they can't find a job, or get a promotion, or find new, great clients (Group 'A'). I also run into people who find a job quickly, get that promotion, and regularly find great clients (Group 'B').

What is the difference between Groups 'A' & 'B'? 

• Group 'A' has developed the most perfectly formed excuse structure holding them back from success.
• Group 'B' fights their big fears every day, dismisses the weak ones, and gets shit done.

What do they do?

• Group 'A' blames their weaknesses, the market, their age, other people, and how customers demand so much more. They moan about their bad luck, how no one wants them, and how other forces are impacting their success.
• Group 'B' doesn't play that game. There is no time for blaming. They figure out what needs to be done and they do it. They realize it's going to be hard, they will be tested, and they will have to push themselves harder than ever before.

What happens in the end?

• Group 'A' plays the same broken record every day and suddenly find that half of 2017 has passed them by. They're still without a job, with no promotional opportunities (and their current position on the chopping block), and clients disappearing at an alarming rate.
• Group 'B' gets the interview and offer. They get the promotion and raise they asked about. They go after and get even bigger clients - bigger than they ever dreamed.

Which group are you currently in? What group do you want to be in?

Extra Credit . . . How To Be In Group 'B':

• Stop looking and finding excuses for your situation. You're a smart boy/girl — you know exactly what the problem is. Get out there and take action.
• Be Bold In Life - Start taking chances — not wild-ass ones, think about your next steps and then move!
• Ask for forgiveness, not permission — this is my mantra — reach out to that unreachable person, ask for that raise, go after that affluent client.
• Do It NOW - Don't wait for 'the right time'. There's no time like the present. "Action expresses priorities." - Gandhi
• Stop procrastinating because you're 'afraid'. This is a No Whining Zone — no one is going to change your diaper.

They're Taking You For A Ride.

Today I'm going to rant. Sorry. I started my practice 10 years ago. And every day, I receive multiple "Get Rich Quick" schemes in my inbox.

"Just do this (spend money) and gold coins will fall from the sky." A large part of the digital marketing universe is leading on growing businesses with crazy incremental upsells that make me want to scream when I look at them.

And unfortunately, it's catching too many businesspeople in its cross-hairs.

They're quickly getting burned out, constantly feeling confused, doubting themselves, and secretly wondering if maybe they don't have what it takes to live their dream of a successful business.

The Truth: You have the power. You have the knowledge. You have the ability. 

Here are the three things you need to know how to run a successful business:

1. Work Hard — I'm not saying that you have to kill yourself. But you do have to work harder than you ever did in a corporate job. This is YOUR company — you have to put in the hours and focus to get things done. No goofing around — no surfing, no taking the day off, no long lunches with friends — you should be focusing on your prospects, clients, and product.

2. Be Consistent — Too many people try something and then they get distracted. It doesn't work at first and then they give up. I've been writing articles for 8 years and have 750+ articles to my name. I've been attending a professional business group for over 10 years and I almost never miss a meeting (even though I have an hour's commute and it starts at 7 AM). If you have a good idea or innovative strategy, keep at it — people will notice.

3. Stay away from the "Get Rich Quick" people — if they are so foolproof and powerful, why are those people using them to become multi-millionaires? I love the photo, law, or insurance 'experts' who can help you make seven figures in your first year. If they're so good at what they do — why aren't they still practicing what they preach and raking in the big bucks? Because they failed at photography, law, or insurance and now hawk antiquated systems to novice professionals.

Don't fall for it.

What To Do When Life Hits You Square In The Face.

Ever have a REALLY bad day? One that really SUCKS? Did you lose your biggest client in an instant? Or did you get dressed down by your boss for doing something stupid (and you thought it was brilliant)?

We all have those days. As Rocky Balboa said, "But it ain't about how hard you get hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward."

Unfortunately, when you do get hit, you might find yourself wallowing in self pity. You might even be in one of Kübler-Ross' 5 Stages of Grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

Here's how I deal with it — I call it my "3 Stages of Success":

Stage 1 - Frustration

Not angry, just frustrated. Something (or someone) kicks you HARD out of control and you find yourself wheeling emotionally.

You question your worth. You start backtracking all of your actions. Add in a healthy scoop of emotions and your are downright FRUSTRATED.

Stage 2 - Reality Check

Stop the emotions for a second and let's do a quick reality check. Let's look at your situation logically — what REALLY happened? Is it the end of the world? Can you quickly recover?

Let's level-set our thinking and try to understand what happened and what we can do.

Stage 3 - Competitive Spirit

Now that you've thought logically about your situation and have come up with alternative strategies to move forward, let's access your competitive spirit.

You might say, "ARE YOU KIDDING RICH? I just got over being frustrated!" Let me be clear — you need to access your competitive spirit to move forward, take action, and never let this happen to you again. Some ideas:

What can you do right NOW? New plan? New strategy? New direction? Who can you call right NOW? Call some clients that left your service - take them to lunch. Call a scary prospect. Where can you go right NOW? Don't hunker down - get out - meet people, network, research, plan.

This is a natural process how humans adapt and EVOLVE. You hit a wall (or a wall hits you), you get frustrated, you do a reality check, and then get up and start running again.

As Rocky says, " Keep Moving Forward".

What do you do when life hits you square in the face?

P.S. Is life hitting you often? Let's talk. I've worked with many clients who've been hit hard — and we developed a successful strategy to grow. If you’re not a client . . . pick up the phone and call me (203.500.2421) — I offer a complimentary session each week to people just like you. Check me out — it might make 2017 a rousing success.

5 Easy Steps To Improve Your Life.

There are so many books, seminars, and articles about how to motivate (yes I know, this is one too!). But I think they miss something big: To be successful in business and life, you need to build a motivational foundation inside YOU.

1. FOCUS & MEDITATE 

Do you spend hours doing nothing? Do you play online games? Too much Youtube/News Sites? You are not alone — and the first thing to stop these destructive behaviors is finding a purpose, a goal to focus your energies. How do I do this? I listen to John & Julianne.

I have done a lot of meditation throughout my life and John and Julianne from Profound Life Wellness are the BEST. Relax, take deep breaths and allow your mind to float. Think of things that make you happy, think of things that get you excited about life. They will come to you in relaxation.

If you’ve never tried meditation — today’s the day.

2. MOVE YOUR BODY

A good solid 20-minute walk will do more for a depressed person than any medication. Exercise makes you feel better, look better and perform better in life. It chases away all those negative thoughts that creep in during the day.

If you’re really committed and live in the Oxford CT area, my personal trainer (THE BEST) just opened a new studio — check it out here.

3. MEET LOTS OF PEOPLE

So now you have desire and purpose, you feel good, you look good, but you don't feel that happiness I've been talking about.

YOU NEED TO START TALKING TO EVERYONE. There is an art to a good conversation and coupled with that a skill to overcoming shyness. When you were first learning how to add, it was hard. Looking back, it seems 21+18 is a joke equation compared to f(x) is (-ia)ⁿg(a).

The art of conversation is the same. We learn the basics of conversation, but not the skills needed to carry a great one as an adult. I want you to think of someone you love talking to — what is it about the conversation that makes it fun, lively, and memorable?

Here’s a great book to help you.

Learn this skill — it will land you a great job, build your business, and attract the best friends you'll ever have.

4. MAKE PEOPLE WANT TO TALK TO YOU

Who wants to be a hit at parties? YOU DO! Memorize these psychological quizzes (everyone loves them and they’re easy to learn):

• Super Power - Flying or X-Ray vision (their real personality)
• Favorite Animal (how they view themselves)
• Second Favorite Animal (their ideal partner)
• Describe a Tree on top of a hill (their view on life)
• Room with no doors, windows, black except for candle how do you feel? (Their thoughts and feelings on death)

Try this to any group of people and they will love it. Learn the art of making every conversation exciting and fun for both you and your 'verbal judo' sparring partner.

5. BE GRATEFUL

Now things are going well — and they will keep going well as long as you don't take what you have, what you’ve learned and what you gained FOR GRANTED.

To keep that joy, motivation, and happiness flowing you need GRATITUDE. Here’s a great tool to do this every day.

The Five Minute Journal will help train your mind to appreciate what you have and to be happier with it.

MAKE IT HAPPEN

I hope you enjoyed these tips — now go dance your happy dance because dancing is incredibly awesome. I do it every day.

Start Thinking BIG Before You Get Small.

Most of the time we think small. It's normal. Why do we think small? We're usually trying to closely track many of the details of our work.

The phone calls, the email follow-ups, the elements of the project, or cleaning up after other people.

The nature of our position makes us forget to see the ENTIRE forest because we are focused on every single tree.

The problem is — if we don't start thinking BIG, we usually get used to thinking small. Not that it's a bad thing — but thinking BIG is a prerequisite for GROWING.

Growing your position, growing your business, getting the RIGHT people to stand up and notice you and what you can really do.

Of course, you can just go along and do what you've always been doing — you make the cash, you have the stability, you get comfortable with that reality.

But someday, reality is going to come knocking at your door. And you're going to have to answer it.

So here are three ways to start thinking BIG:

1. What is your COMPETITION doing?

If you work for an organization, think of your best performing peers. If you run your own business, who is the best in your industry?

Big thinking organizations make strategic decisions that take them out of their comfort zone — Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Facebook, Google — sometimes they fail, but if it takes hold, they're going to upset many industries along the way.

2. Where is your INDUSTRY going?

Again, we tend to never step back and see where our industry is headed — sometimes we are working too hard and forget — sometimes we stick our head in the sand and try not to look. Whichever one you are, you need to keep your eye on the prize. Is it growing or shrinking? Is it changing — for the better or worse? Can you chart a course for your career along that new trajectory? Or should you start making your way to the lifeboats and don your lifejacket?

Thinking big is staying current with what is happening to your industry. And taking 1-2 steps ahead — anticipate the curve.

3. What would your 'BEST YOU' do?

This is a great practice to get you out of your safe, fuzzy and warm bubble and to start thinking BIG.  Don't think of your current self or your current situation. Begin to think of an alternate universe where your 'best self' lives — what would they be doing right now? What is their position? What projects would they be working on? Who would they be talking to, accessing, and leveraging to get things done.

This is a great exercise for you to start thinking about YOUR abilities — how far you can push yourself.

If you want to be BIG — you have to start thinking BIG — Right Now.

P.S. Got this idea from my good friend Margo Meeker, therapist/life coach extrodinarire - her motto is 'be your best self'. Thank you Margo!

How To Eliminate Procrastination From Your Life.

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” - Napoleon Hill “Why do now what can be done later?” - Rich Gee

Face it - we all procrastinate in one form or another. It might be at work. It might be at home. You might be like some of my clients and do it EVERYWHERE.

During my 15 years of coaching business owners and executives, I've found that procrastination can be simplified into four 'obstacles':

1. You don't have enough information/ability/tools to make a decision or act. This is by far the simplest one to tackle. You need to logically obtain the information needed, or required assistance, or the requisite tools to complete the task at hand. Usually we use these three areas as an excuse not to do the task. But when you look logically at the problem, it's usually quite easy to solve.

Example: I hate financials. I put it off all the time. Why? Because when I begin to bill my 20-30 clients, I always run into one client with a credit card issue (expired date, number incorrect, issuer hiccups info, etc.). And the whole billing train stops. I get frustrated (emotions).

Solution: What I now do is clearly and unemotionally call up the client and ask for clarification or another card. I used to hate doing this (see #3 too!). The client always apologizes and I'm on my way. Take the emotion out of it!

2. You find that the task at hand is too big or complex to handle in one fell swoop. This happens all the time — you have a project or initiative to accomplish, but because of the project's depth and breadth, you just don't know where to start and don't have time to finish it in one fell swoop.

Example: I have a series of webinars I want to launch prior to the new year. But there's a lot of moving parts - getting my mailing list together, developing the eBlast message, scheduling on Meetup.com and partnering with GoToWebinar.com for their services. Whew!

Solution: Break it up. Try to do small tasks in order over a period of hours or days. First, write out all the tasks that need to be done — then prioritize them with a quick estimate of how long they will take. Plug each task into your schedule (this is important). Then begin with the first one. You'll find that you will start making progress immediately AND have fun with the small tasks.

3. You are afraid of the consequences of tackling the task. This happens ALL the time - you have either let the activity wallow in the mire for so long or there is one task, person, thing that you don't want to deal with — and that is the area that causes the procrastination.

Example: I don't want to make the decision to purchase the GoToWebinar vs. GoToMeeting (one is quite expensive). So I procrastinate. It's like a dam filling up and about to burst.

Solution: Get a piece of paper and quickly list the pros and cons of the area that is holding you back. You'll quickly find that most of your 'procrastination trepidation' is emotion-based and not fact-based. Once I did this, I immediately made things happen — the dam went away.

4. You just don't want to do it. This is the biggest one of all — because deep down, we are all babies. We don't do things we don't like to do — and that is the main cause of our procrastination.

Example: As a small business owner (and a previous corporate executive), you have a bunch of things to do and it's so easy to put something off — you rationalize the activity to the bottom of your list. This is why my new eBlast isn't out yet.

Solution: Everything is important - but you ultimately need to make the decision to either do it and get it done or kill it and move on to something else. And that is the solution - flip a coin and either begin doing it or kill it. Odds are, you'll want to do it and begin using the other three solutions to start making it happen.

Conclusion: Figure out what is making you procrastinate, take action, and make it happen. DO IT TODAY.

Whoops! I've Been Doing It All Wrong.

"Your mind is not a warehouse, it's a factory." So many people (me included), tend to use their mind as a warehouse. We keep arcane facts, appointments, commitments, to-do's, worries, plans, and passions all whirling around in our heads.

We think we are more productive when we have the ability to instantly 'touch' each of these items if we need to. Unfortunately, all of these items tend to get in the way when you want to do serious work or thinking.

We tend to focus on the urgent and put the important on the back burner. And when the mental whirlwind causes you to forget something or procrastinate on an important task, your mental Jenga stack of blocks fall apart.

Stop being a warehouse — try to delegate/outsource all of these items to paper, planners, and assistants so they can help you focus on the important and not only the urgent.

Start being a factory — where great ideas and plans come in, are addressed and executed, and are shipped out to your clients.

P.S. If you want to be more productive, efficient and effective, Let’s talk. I’ve worked with people from all over the world who want to expand their horizons — call me to schedule a free session.

Never Listen To The 'Experts'.

Just listened to one of my favorite podcasts this morning — How I Built This. They hosted Manoj Bhargava, the man who invented the 5-Hour Energy Drink. Manoj is a self-made man who started his career driving a $300 dump truck hauling away construction garbage. Now he's a billionaire dedicated to donate 99% of his estate to help the world. There were a number of powerful statements that caught my ear. Here are a few:

"You have to be totally determined - I hate the word passionate. If you get hit, passion tends to fade. Determination - if you get hit 20 times, you get up again." Everyone has a passion. Many people leave their jobs and start their own business based on that passion. Some do well, most don't. Manoj is spot on — passion will only take you so far, determination will pick you up when you fall down. TAKEAWAY: Drive, determination, and tenacity will help you build you a successful business.

"It's not rocket science. If you use common sense, you're in great shape. If you use experts, you're in so much trouble." I find this quote so fitting to my profession, being a Business Performance Coach. So many times I'm asked by prospective clients, "Do you have a lot of experience in my industry?" I usually say, "No, I don't. But it doesn't matter." Most businesspeople want 'experts' who know their industry and can give them the 'secrets of their success'. Unfortunately, most of the time, these experts are people who tried their hand in that industry and failed, that's why they're not doing it anymore. As a coach who uses 'common sense', I am looking at your situation from the outside in, a completely different perspective from where you are. I keep it simple and focus on the basics — that's usually where the problems hide. TAKEAWAY: "Experts are great for telling you what not to do. But what you should do? They haven't a clue."

"You've got to figure that out. How hard can it be? I'll figure it out." I love Manoj's simple way of attacking a complex problem. He makes the complex, simple — the gargantuan, a series of small steps. Sit down, get a piece of paper and map out the steps you have to do and the people you have to see. It's that simple. TAKEAWAY: Dive right in and attack. Don't over-think it.

"If these guys can come up with this, I can do better." Just because someone has done something, it doesn't make them geniuses — they just did it first. I love his philosophy and drive — I can do it too. TAKEAWAY: You can do it better if you just try.

"Most people who have invented great things didn't have a background in that area." They didn't follow the 'rules' of the experts. Again, they are thinking from outside of the bubble and not beholden to a series of arcane rules — in fact, they're the rule-breakers. TAKEAWAY: Be a rule-breaker.

P.S. If you want work with a coach who uses common sense and sticks to the basics,  Let’s talk. I’ve work with people from all over the world who want to play a bigger game — call me to schedule a free session.

Play With The Big Boys & Girls.

We've got a big snowstorm here in Oxford, Connecticut. Thankfully, I work from my home office on Fridays — so I really don't have to go anywhere — I just meander down to my first-floor home office and talk to my clients. We only get better when we play tennis with better tennis players. One way is to immerse ourselves into their lives, their learnings, and their tricks of the trade.

I thought I would do a "Rich's Favorite Things Early 2017" post and let you know what resources I use to stay at the top of my game. So here goes . . .

Podcasts:

How I Built This - I religiously listen to ever episode. It's about innovators, entrepreneurs, and idealists, and the stories behind the movements they built. Each episode is a narrative journey marked by triumphs, failures, serendipity and insight — told by the founders of some of the world's best known companies and brands. (from NPR)

The Tim Ferriss Show - I've listened to this since his first broadcast. Tim Ferriss deconstructs world-class performers from eclectic areas (investing, chess, pro sports, etc.), digging deep to find the tools, tactics, and tricks that listeners can use.

Smart Passive Income Online Business and Blogging - Pat Flynn reveals all of his online business and blogging strategies, income sources and killer marketing tips and tricks so you can be ahead of the curve with your online business or blog. Discover how you can create multiple passive income streams that work for you so that you can have the time and freedom to do what you love, whether it's traveling the world, or just living comfortably at home.

Books:

The One Thing - You'll learn to cut through the clutter, achieve better results in less time, build momentum toward your goal,  dial down the stress, overcome that overwhelmed feeling, revive your energy, stay on track, and master what matters to you. The ONE Thing delivers extraordinary results in every area of your life--work, personal, family, and spiritual.

The Pumpkin Plan - Each year Americans start one million new businesses, nearly 80 percent of which fail within the first five years. Under such pressure to stay alive—let alone grow—it’s easy for entrepreneurs to get caught up in a never-ending cycle of “sell it—do it, sell it—do it” that leaves them exhausted, frustrated, and unable to get ahead no matter how hard they try.  The Pumpkin Plan guides you through unconven­tional strategies to help you build a truly profitable blue-ribbon company that is the best in its field.

P.S. If you want to play with the big boys and girls,  Let’s talk. I’ve worked with people from all over the world who wanted to play a bigger game and I got them to Wimbledon — call me to schedule a complimentary session.