Why Don't We Hug More?

Who's a hugger out there? Many years ago (25 to be exact), my best friend's sister and her husband came over for dinner one night. At the end of the night, when we were saying our goodbyes, instead of handshakes, we got hugs from both of them. Not just the quick hug — but a deep hug with a real squeeze that meant something.

It might sound funny that I remember that 25 years later, but it made an impression on me. It was powerful. And before we go any further, let me state that there was nothing leading or sexual about it. It was just a hug. But it was a great hug.

Let's be honest, a handshake just goes so far. I totally understand if you just met the person — at that point, a handshake is perfectly fine. But during personal interactions, when you meet someone at a small holiday dinner party and you speak with them for the better of 3-4 hours, isn't a good hug at the end of the night a great way to share your personal experience? I think studies find that it's a bit more sanitary too — no real hand-to-hand contact.

How about professional interactions? I can totally understand the 'sexual harassment' issues that might arise if your gave a hug the wrong way to your team, peers, or superiors. How about with established vendors that you've been working with for years? Is a hug in order then? I know when someone wins an award and if it's in front of a lot of people, hugs are normally given.

Step back for a second — hugs are GREAT. They impart real feeling to the other person — a deep appreciation for who they are and what they mean to you. Especially when you've known or worked with that person for a long time.

So if you could hug more professionally (without fear of any harassment charges) would you? Do you hug now?

I would love to hear your stories about how important hugs are for you!

P.S. If you're not convinced, here's a video you should watch — click here.

Image: Royalty-Free License from Dollar Photo Club 2014.

Grow Your Position In Three Small Steps.

Sometimes we feel trapped at work. Doing the same thing day after day. Handling the same issues, the same malcontents and ultimately getting nowhere. What can you do to move forward?

When I work with teams, I have them perform a lot of teamwork, but I also refocus them on a series of simple exercises to help them grow their position.

I call it Change-Grow-Help. Simply, take a step back and look at what you do all day and think about what three things you can do to make it bigger, better, and more engaging.

CHANGE

What's one thing can I change in my day-to-day work to make it more streamlined, more efficient and effective?

Why CHANGE? Because we get stale. We end up doing things that are easy, familiar, and comfortable. To move forward, we need to mix it up and see where we can make subtle modifications to do things faster and better.

Examples - Kill a meeting, come in a bit earlier, delete that weekly report no one reads, meet with your boss for 5 minutes every morning, streamline your email, etc.

GROW

What's one thing can I do to grow me as an individual who can offer more, perform better, and make more-informed positions?

Why GROW? Because we should be always growing. The attitude of 'I know all I need to know" is a 20th Century behavior. You're going to be left behind VERY QUICKLY. What books, resources, classes can I access to grow myself?

Examples - Take a class, read a book, listen to a podcast/audiobook, meet new people, network, join a club, check out Toastmasters or Dale Carnegie, or (hire a coach).

HELP

What's one thing can I do to help my team, the department, or organization? How can I branch out and make a difference?

Why HELP? If you don't step out of your little cubicle hovel and start making a difference in other parts of the company, you'll stay an unknown and ultimately be forgotten, laid off, or fired.

Examples - Join a committee, start an organization, hold a learning lunch, advertise to your team and visit a conference, start a blood drive, etc.

Image: Royalty-Free License from Dollar Photo Club 2014.

How To Safely Terminate An Employee.

This is a touchy subject guys . . . so stick with me. To terminate and employee is never easy, but when done incorrectly they can become your worst nightmare.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), I work both sides of the fence. I frequently work with clients who are in a bad situation at work with their boss and they've been 'written up'. I walk them through all the scenarios and help them act accordingly. Most of the time, they keep their position.

I also work with clients who own a company (or are a CEO of an organization) and they need to fire someone for cause.

I always advise my clients to speak with an attorney. Especially if you're about to terminate an employee. Because I've seen it all and it ABSOLUTELY can become your WORST NIGHTMARE.

Here are some areas to think about and work with your attorney:

You need to have a broad understanding of the laws affecting terminations — especially the rights of whistle-blowers, the regulations prohibiting discrimination and retaliation, and the laws the can circumvent at-will employment. This is all critical information and you can't leave it to educated guesses — you need to hire the correct resource who has handled this type of situation.

You frequently have to review the benefits of a sound performance management system. If you don't have one in place — GET ONE. Many services, like ADP, can help you in this respect. You have to proactively provide notice of performance deficiencies, understand how to reverse past inaccurate reviews, and determine when you should skip performance management and move directly to termination. Knowledge and resources can help you step lightly and not make a mistake.

You and your management team need to understand how to lawfully reach a termination decision and how to properly document that decision. You have to be directed and/or learn how conduct a termination meeting, prepare for and effectively deal with a volatile employee, determine when severance is appropriate, and determine when to offer a resignation option. Local, state, and federal laws come into play and you have to have the right people in place to ensure you make the correct decisions.

Finally, how do you handle communication after the person has left? How do you communicate the termination to the rest of the team/company without invading on the employee’s privacy? What is the appropriate response to prospective employer inquiries to avoid triggering claims for defamation?

Candidly, every one of these points is a minefield and you need to step very carefully. Only hiring key resources to help map each step will provide successful business continuity and your ability to sleep at night.

If you're looking for a good resource to help — I can recommend a number of services to have a conversation about termination. Just ask.

Extra Credit - Here's a great article from one of my 'great resources' . . . Isaiah Cooper - ENJOY!

Do You REALLY Know What The Problem Is?

John lost his job a few months ago. And for some reason, he has no idea why he was let go instead of someone else. In addition, his interviews are not panning out and he's getting nervous about his available prospects. The clock is ticking. Mary is having a hard time communicating with her new team. For years, she has been an exemplary manager. But for some reason, her new team is not engaging and sometimes petulant. Projects are floundering.

Karen's business is not 8 years old and has been growing year after year. For some reason, it's been hard for Karen to stay focused on key areas of the business. And it's hurting her bottom line. Her bookkeeper is beginning to notice.

I run into clients like John, Mary, and Karen all the time. And I'll be honest, most of the time coaching them WORKS. But every so often, I get a client where there is a major hidden obstacle which eludes us. My coaching is affected and the client is frustrated.

That's where Rich Gee Diagnostic Insight™ comes in.

Rich Gee Diagnostic Insight™ is one of the quickest ways to gain a clear picture into your current and past obstacles, whether they are technical, social, or emotional in nature. This insight can be used to develop appropriate coaching recommendations to Move You Forward.

We Identify YOUR Needs

The combination of proven assessment techniques and live professional evaluations provide a wealth of knowledge about an individual's style of work. What are their values, what drives them, and what are the real obstacles standing in their way. With this understanding, appropriate coaching modifications can be put into place.

We Clarify Barriers To Entry

We will examine your social and professional functioning in light of your current and future milestones and goals. Using this information, we can develop effective strategies for managing people, stress, understanding relationships, controlling impulses, and getting focused at the job at hand.

We Personalize It For You

Rich Gee Diagnostic Insight™ will be tailored to meet the individual needs of your situation. Rich will use a combination of selected assessments, evaluators, and key resources to help you get a better understanding of what drives you and how we can move you forward ASAP.

LEARN MORE HERE >>

Two Questions That Will Change Your Life In A Powerful Way.

DO THIS TODAY. I did it and found it COMPLETELY EXHILARATING & POWERFUL. Find a quiet place, no distractions (see below). Turn off your phone and email, close your door — this time is for you. Use your laptop to write down the answers to these two questions:

1. EXPLAIN YOUR CURRENT SITUATION TO YOUR 'FIVE-YEARS-AGO' SELF.

Example: Tom — you're going to be fired from your job, you're going to feel like 'fired', but they're really letting you go. But don't worry - you're going to take six months off reeling from that experience, but you will get your head on straight. One day, you will meet a man named Steve who will open your eyes to the new areas of your profession (that you never knew existed) and will give you a job.

Initially, you will be scared (it's a big step for you), but in the end, it's a defining step. Your kids will be growing and you'll have more time to see them change from day-to-day. You will think you are a failure to your wife, but one night, you will break down crying to her and she'll tell you your are the strongest man she knows. And that will fuel you for the next five years. Go get 'em!

2. EXPLAIN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS TO YOUR 'CURRENT' SELF.

Example: Tom — You're frustrated right now - too many things hitting you from all angles. You need to take one day, a single day, and write down all of the small and large tasks you need to do to be successful. And start getting them done. In a messy pile, they are all sitting there taunting you - but broken up, in easy to complete tasks - they are simple to solve.

Here's an eye-opener - You are going to change the way your industry makes money. You know in your heart it needs to change - be more nimble and agile to absorb the changes in the marketplace - but no one is doing anything about it. This is your time to show everyone what you've got. You are going to change the world buddy. By the way, you make it a point of coming home on-time at least three days a week to spend time with your kids - play ball or help them with their homework.

Also, you make it a point to take your wife out EVERY Friday for a date-night, with just the two of you. Finally, bring some flowers home for her just for being her - she is the most important person who can help you be your best right now.

Your answers don't have to be long — think free-form writing - don't worry about mistakes or grammar - no one is going to see this except for you.

I think you'll find it will clear your obstacles, get you motivated, and let you see exactly where you've been, where you are, and where you really need to go next.

IF YOU NEED HELP WITH THIS, I WANT YOU TO LET ME KNOW - I can help.

About distractions:

Distractions take your focus away from the important tasks in your life. I've found clients who focus their attention on the matter at hand accelerate faster with their goals. Everyone can take a small break once in awhile from work to focus on their career. EVERYONE.

In fact, psychotherapists say distractive behavior is a form of self-sabotage — where people are temporarily distracted with mundane, less-important tasks rather than focusing on their important, long-term success.

Top Psychological Tricks For The Office.

Sometimes you need an advantage at work.

Not only to get ahead and get that promotion — sometimes to just survive. Many close colleagues and new clients have been written up and fired (for nothing) instead of being laid off (the rational option). Companies are getting more cutthroat, managers are getting more paranoid, and it's everyone for themselves people.

Here are some simple psychological tricks to stay on top of your game at work:

Sit next to your enemies.

If you're in a group meeting and you suspect that someone in there might come after you about something or if you have a job with a huge target painted on your back, sit right next to them.

They were hoping that the group would provide some sort of herd defense, but if you're right next to them it can't be anything other than personal. This tends to make them back off, or at least substantially temper what they say.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

Shut up after the sale.

In sales, once you make the sales pitch, don't say anything else.

A client used to work at a gym trying to sell memberships. She told me that once she got all the small talk out of the way and presented the prices, that the first person to talk will lose. At first it didn't seem like a big deal to her, but it actually worked. Often there were long periods of awkward silence as the customer tried to come up with some excuse, but usually they bought. It was quite impressive actually. 

Corollary: Once someone has agreed to help you, stop talking. The more you say, the more opportunities they have to change their minds.

Notice people's eye color.

When you first meet people try to notice their eye color while also smiling at them. It might be because you look for a second or two longer, but all I can tell you is that people really respond to it.

Nervous? Chew gum.

Chew gum when you're approaching a situation that would make you nervous like public speaking or bungee jumping. Apparently, if we are 'eating' something, our brains trip and reasons "I would not be eating if I were danger . . . so I'm not in danger". Has helped many clients calm down before anxiety-ridden activities.

Instead of asking, make an offer.

If you really want something from someone, frame it as an offer rather than a request.

When Teddy Roosevelt was running for president, his campaign printed out 3 million leaflets with a picture of Teddy and a copy of a campaign speech. The campaign then realized that they didn't have the rights to the photo of Teddy. Instead of explaining the situation to the photographer, which would have given them leverage to ask for a lot of money, the campaign made an offer — they would use the picture, giving the photographer lots of publicity if the studio paid them $250. The studio paid the money.

Avoid negative talk.

In real life terms - avoid negative words when pitching something unfavorable to an audience that you want to receive it well. If you can do it in writing, all the better, because you get to pick out your words carefully. Also focus the manner by which you intend to fix things, rather than the problems.

A client of mine worked with mentally disabled children, and he found it highly beneficial to describe their capacities in such a way that he indirectly described their limitations, as opposed to the reverse.

'Johnny can't even speak in phrases, and only turns his head to you when you say his name, but doesn't make eye contact. He won't sit in a chair for more than a minute unless you repeatedly tell him to.'

NOPE. TRY AGAIN. 'Johnny uses words to communicate, so the next step is to strengthen his skills up to the level of 2-word phrases. He responds to his name by turning, so we're going to work on his ability to maintain eye contact. Johnny is able to remain seated for longer than one minute if given repeated prompting.'

Which would you rather hear about your kid? This also applies to other types of work - use it to present anything negative. Works magnificently.

People will remember not what you said but how you made them feel.

So go out of your way to make them feel good about themselves, even proud. Most of the time we berate and kill our confidence internally, so the more that you make people feel better, the more they will like you. And do things for you.

Also most people like talking about themselves so ask lots of questions about them.

Get them talking on a general topic (movies, music) ask them what movies/music/whatever it was they like, engage them on that, go from there; offer bits of information about yourself then bounce it back to them. Your goal is to make them feel good, via engaging them on their most cherished subjects. i.e. themselves, and the things they like the most.

This technique is really good for various situations that might otherwise be awkward. For example when you are trying to draw out a reserved person, show an interest in them (a genuine one hopefully) and go from there.

Someone you want to know better in that special 'relationship' way? Asking about them is often a great approach.

Trying to get someone to like you in a situation with a power differential (i.e. in a workplace setting or a job interview) is to get 'em talking, ideally about something work-related that makes them feel competent and informed. They will remember how good they felt in your presence and that will color their perception of you.

You're not aiming to be the audience to a monologue, you're trying to find ways in which you can connect with that other person. The ultimate goal is to connect.

Stay calm in the face of danger.

When people are angry at me — if I stay calm — it'll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after. It's called an "adrenaline dump," and it's easily one of my favorite tactics. It's basically conversational judo.

There's an evolutionary precedent for it, too — adrenaline is manufactured in response to a threat, and two people yelling at each other both register as a 'threat' to their opponent, creating an adrenaline arms race.

But if that steady increase is interrupted, the whole build-up is swept out from under a person. The shame sets in almost automatically, an innate response to assessing someone else as a bigger threat than they actually are.

I practiced it about a year ago. I was having a barbecue with some friends and colleagues near one of our offices. Some drunken jerk ambles over from a nearby pub and demands a hotdog, getting more and more belligerent when he's repeatedly denied (at first, we said we'd hook him up if we had any left over and that the ones on the grill were already spoken for, but he didn't much care for that).

I walked over to him -- I was easily half his size — looked the red-face, raging jerk square in the eyes and calmly said, "Hey man, I just wanna know something. What's your name?"

The stranger gave his name, visibly taken aback but still extremely pissed. "Where're you from? What's your deal?"

The stranger, now equal parts angry and confused, says he's a local contractor and he lives a few blocks away.

I nodded, and with a confident, measured glare that could chill fresh coffee said, "One last question: Why are you being such a jerk to all my friends at our barbecue?"

You could pinpoint the exact nanosecond the guy's rage simmered out and the embarrassment barreled in. He looked around sheepishly, and without a word, turns around and ambles back into the alleyway, disappearing into the pub's back door without a second glance.

Self Image Is Everything. 

People have a certain image of themselves and will fight tooth and nail to cling to it. Use this information wisely.

I do this all the time. You can avoid insulting someone by not saying anything that shows you perceive them differently than what they're trying to present. Or you can be a little more manipulative and make people like you by casually stroking their ego.

This could go wrong, especially if you have bad intentions. Not all manipulation is bad if done on a small scale with innocent intentions.

Never Ever Gossip. 

Promise yourself you'll never gossip about other people. I mean it. Even when the people around you are gossiping, even when you agree with the stuff they're saying. You don't have to make a big deal of it, just don't partake in it.

Once people get the idea you're not into gossiping about other people behind their backs, the amount of gossip they talk around you will decrease. It isn't fun to gossip unless everybody's gossiping. Your decision to stop the gossip and their eventual reaction to you not reciprocating will positively affect both of you, as well as your relationship.

I made this change in how I interact with people and the amount and quality of my friendships have grown exponentially. People will trust you more if they haven't listened to you gossip about other people. You will be seen as more a more positive person than other friends who do talk shit. The gap gossiping used to fill will be replaced with way more interesting and/or intimate conversation too.

Are You The Center Of Your Group?

When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.

Want More Romance?

Look up the false attribution of arousal. Basically, if you want to make someone like you, get their heart rate going.

Take them on a date to see a scary movie and then go out for coffee. This puts their body in an aroused (increased blood flow, not sexual) state. Their mind then falsely attributes that physiological effect to being with you making them think they like you! (hopefully they actually do, but this gets the ball rolling)

Ladies — Want To Be More Attractive?

Wear red. For women, the color red makes them exponentially more attractive. Research has shown that men will go to great lengths to do things for a woman in red that they would not do otherwise like give her money or even carry her across the street.

Let's Throw In Some Interview Skills Too.

Body mirroring. So something that we do that we don't realize is mirror the body language of people that we like, like our friends. If they sit crossed legged, we will. If they touch their face, we will. This goes back to the subconscious will to be more like the people that we respect.

You can kind of "force" this. Put a conscious effort into mirroring the body posture of your interviewer, bun don't be obvious about it. Be nice and subtle. This will kin of trick their mind into thinking that they like you. After all, you are doing similar things with your body, why not!

Get them to talk about themselves. People are selfish and they love talking about what they do. Ask your interviewer as many questions about what they do for work and really listen. They will walk away from the interview in a good mood because they got to talk about themselves and they will then think that the interview went well.

If you are able, schedule the interview as early as possible. There's a ton of cognitive psychology research about the primacy effect which essentially states that items are more memorable if they are presented earlier. So if you're going into a grad school interview where the person will literally be interviewing all day, you will be more memorable if you go first. If you are unable to be first go last. Similarly, there is research about the recency effect, which states that items are also memorable if they are presented last, though the primacy effect is more reliable. Just try not to be stuck in the middle.

Find Yourself In A Debate?

Don't give your stance first. Give your argument. In some self interest research that I did myself in my undergrad, I found that your persuasiveness is fragile and dependent on your social identity. For example, if you came out and say "I'm an atheist and this is what I believe," you are already seen as less persuasive and more biased because people already know why you are arguing what you're arguing; you have something to gain by convincing people. You're an atheist.

What you should do is not say you're an atheist at all. Say "this is what I believe..." Because people don't have an assumption already in their mind, they will be more likely to view you as less biased. Bonus points if you're on the opposite side. For example, a conservative arguing for gay rights is going to be viewed as very persuasive and not biased at all because they literally have nothing to gain from holding that viewpoint while a homosexual arguing for gay rights does have something to gain and thus is seen as more biased.

Finally, Some Cool Final 'Tricks'.

Reminding people of their death will make them more likely to follow a charismatic leader.

You have a much higher chance of success in a relationship if your parents and your friends like your romantic partner.

The placebo effect is actually more powerful than some medications. One study found that cancer patients given a placebo to treat their cancer had a 12% increase in remission rates.

Without A Doubt, The Money Is Still Out There.

"Business is never so healthy as when, like a chicken, it must do a certain amount of scratching around for what it gets." - Henry Ford I still get people today moaning about how it's bad 'out there'.

For many years, money fell from the sky. Executives and entrepreneurs walked around with their laundry baskets and caught the falling bills. Not singles . . . we're talking 50 and 100 dollar bills. Life was good. We bought big cars, homes, boats, and took 2-4 week vacations.

But it also was a little bit unreal. Now they're saying it will never be the same. They moan how hard it is out there to find work or new clients.

The money is still out there. You just have to now bend over and pick it up. You have to WORK HARDER.

I received an eblast from a colleague the other day who's deeply 'clicked' into the economy — here's what he said: "According to Richard Nelson Bolles in the 2011 edition of What Color is Your Parachute, over 2,500,000 jobs have been filled each month in both 2009 and 2010.  Not only that, over 2,000,000 went unfilled every month over the past two years."

Work harder. Move faster. Develop strategy. Meet more people. Develop deeper relationships. Read. Understand. And take Action. I start working at 4:30/5:00 AM every morning and stop work at 6:00/7:00 PM. I also work on the weekends (a lot).

What's dying? It's not hard to see that many industries, businesses, and clients are going away. Did you catch The Daily launch yesterday? Nail in the heart of every newspaper in the country. But, come on, you had to see it coming years ago. It's going to affect printers, ink distributors, transportation, and counter sales. Open up your eyes.

Most of all, look around. Take a 360 degree panoramic view of your situation, your marketplace, your company. Figure out how to grow and make more money.

Bend over and start picking up the bills.

Good Service vs. Bad Service - A Parable.

Once upon a time there was a coach. He woke up every morning at 4:30 AM and worked until 5 PM. Some days he worked at his office in Stamford — some days he worked at his home office.

Some days he coached all day long with wonderful clients — some days he was on the road connecting with old and new friends to build his business.

During these wonderful times, this coach would make a small detour and pick up a few foodstuffs for his family (it's the least he could to to help his ravishingly beautiful and infinitely smarter wife).

This day, he stopped off at a supermarket, let's call it Supermarket 'A'. Everywhere Rich went in Supermarket 'A', if he saw an employee stocking the shelf or walking by, they would greet him with a smile and ask if they could help him find something. Many times, they would comment on an item he was purchasing and offer positive comments on how to use it. The store was clean, well-stocked, and had a homey, comfortable feel about it.

Supermarket 'A' provides a station where one could sample new foods and most of the time, the offerings were incredible where the coach would just have to buy the spotlighted item. And today he would do just that.

The best part of this coach's visit was checking out. First, there were three registers open and one of the employees immediately caught the coach's eye and asked, "Ready to check out? I can take you over here!". As they unloaded his cart and scanned each item, they engaged the coach in conversation about some of the items he was purchasing and how his day was going so far. They profusely thanked the coach for bagging and encouraged him to fill out a ticket (a drawing for a free gift certificate) because the coach brought and used his own bags.

With a hearty good-day from the Supermarket 'A's employee at the register, the coach had an extra spring in his step rolling his carriage to the car.

The next day, the coach had to stop at another supermarket, let's call it Supermarket 'B'. Everywhere Rich went in Supermarket 'B', his aisle was blocked by multiple large, wheeled pallets full of boxes. The employees unpacking the boxes all had a unique air that the coach would describe as 'depressed and angry'. They rarely moved out of the way, grunted when they had to and filled in each aisle making travel a torture course for every shopper. Each aisle was dirty and the lighting resembled the inside of a refrigerator — blinding, florescent white.

When the coach reached the pharmacy to pick up a prescription (no worries - it's an allergy) — he had to wait in line (5 customers deep) and watch the pharmacist work behind the counter, answer phone calls, and ultimately step out and assist the next customer. Where it should have taken the coach 2-3 minutes to complete a simple pick-up transaction, he was in line for approximately 12 minutes. That's a long time to spend standing in line. Honest.

Finally, when it was time to check out, there were only three (out of 15 registers) open and all three had lines 5-6 people deep. The coach chose the self-checkout register, scanned his frequent shopper card to get normal pricing on his items, and began to unload, self-scan, and pack up his items in his bag. Guess what? Three items in, the scanner encountered a problem and required a manager to login, reset, and allow the coach to purchase his five items. Unfortunately, there was no manager to be found, so the coach had to wait until one appeared from their break.

With a hearty FU from Supermarket 'B', the coach had an extra slog in his step and rising, burning anger in his neck rolling his carriage to the car.

All kidding aside, what's going on here?

1. One establishment gets it, one doesn't (or just doesn't care).
2. One has engaged and enthusiastic employees, and one doesn't.
3. One has the layout and logistics of selling food nailed, and one doesn't.
4. One had a comfortable, homey feel and the other a dirty, clinical atmosphere.
5. One had reasonable pricing and great quality, the other high-prices and questionable quality.

Now you might ask, why does the coach shop at Supermarket 'B' and not all the time at Supermarket 'A'? Proximity and convenience. 'A' is far away and takes 30 minutes of drive time. 'B' is five minutes away.

There are a number of lessons to learn here today:

1. Availability and convenience do play a major part in consumer's choice. Time sometimes trumps quality, service, and price.
2. The way you treat your customers, with even the simplest of transactions, impacts their shopping experience. Bad employees do hurt you.
3. Even though people want choice and change, they also like consistency. They don't want to be inundated with 100's of items. Make it easy and simple.
4. Making customers wait should be avoided, not embraced by your organization. Even DisneyWorld makes waiting fun.

What's the moral of the story? The coach should (and will) plan out his shopping each week and endeavor to hit Supermarket 'A' on a regular basis.

How to Be an Effective CEO.

It's quite simple - unfortunately, there are many critics, books, and know-it-all's out there trying to 'complexify' (my word) the basic responsibilities of a CEO or C-Level executive. It really comes down to three skills:

1. Motivate Your Team This is the most important skill - everyone goes to work, but it's how you manage their expectations, keep them focused, and acknowledge them for their efforts that win the game. This is not a one management-style fits all - you need to directly motivate each direct report on your team AND teach them how they can directly motivate the direct reports on their team. By doing this, motivation will be viral and very successful.

Find out what energizes them - HOW? - Ask them. What do they like to work on? What areas challenge them? What areas do they hate working on? - Help them streamline, delegate, and retire those areas.

2. Communicate & Inform This is the day-to-day stuff and candidly, most executives fail at this skill. Many either forget to communicate/inform or they actually manage by not delivering information - it sounds a little comical - but it's true. It's call management by holding back information.

All you have to do is communicate clearly and ensure that the person or team that you're communicating to not only listens, but they understand your vision, goals, direction or tactics. In addition, you need to inform on a regular basis - keep the team up to date on what's happening and tell them immediately, not after the fact.

More information and increased communication delivers a happy and healthy team.

3. Help Them Get Rid Of Obstacles Finally, your job is to help your people recognize, understand, and bypass regular obstacles that get in their way.

But here's the kicker - you don't do it for them - have them come with possible solutions to the problem, you both discuss it, and they walk away with a strategy to solve their own problems. That is the only way they grow as an executive and you get back much needed time to focus on more important matters.

That's it. If you keep to these three rules, you will find that your life as a C-Level executive will be ever so much easier and more fulfilling. Try it!

Is Your Competition Waving As They Pass You?

On with one of my oldest clients this morning and came up with a spot-on analogy about a lot of organizational management today: Your company is a ship on the open sea and your mission is to navigate and guide it into port.

Your captain (management) wants you to take it in slow and steady, so they hit their schedule perfectly. They don't want to expend any more fuel, any more people, or take a chance by accelerating the ship to get to the port faster. It's the way they've done things for years and they are not changing.

Unfortunately, you're guiding the ship and you're seeing all of the competing ships (and some speedboats) passing you by in the night because they are going faster and using innovative techniques and strategies to beat you.

But the captain doesn't see this, because they're sleeping. But you do — and you tell them everyday that the ship needs to go faster and to develop innovative techniques and strategies like your competition.

The captain disagrees. "Slow and steady will get us into port on-time and on-schedule" (and the captain will be rewarded by management with a healthy bonus if this happens).

But you know the competing ships (and speedboats) will hit port way before you do, unload their cargo, sell their wares quickly, and be off before you realize it.

In addition, when they pass, they are making bigger waves that affect your ship's progress. But the captain maintains a slow and steady approach.

They are NOT LISTENING.

And you're seeing the future of your industry happen RIGHT BEFORE YOUR EYES.

And you're not part of it. You're a spectator. And the competition is EATING YOUR LUNCH.

Sometimes, the captain doesn't notice until it's too late — and then — and only then — they want you to accelerate. But it's too little, too late. And when you tell them, they get mad.

WHAT DO YOU DO? My ADVICE:

Don't open up the throttle — but you should subtly 'click' it forward just enough where management doesn't notice (at first), but where you begin to catch up, pace, and sometimes pass the competition. Add a resource, accelerate the deadline, increase the scope a bit, start a small skunkworks in the basement — but do something.

Also — EVANGELIZE your perspective and strategy all the time. You might be ridiculed at first — but after the competition beats you — you can stand there with a huge 'I told you so' face. They might listen to you next time.

You might get into trouble if management ultimately uncovers what you're doing — but no one was ever fired for doing the right thing and taking a small chance to advance the company forward.

And if you are reprimanded or fired, it makes a great story to tell when interviewing with the competition!

P.S. This happens ALL THE TIME. Think of Kodak, Blockbuster, and Nokia to name a few. What others can you think of?

Are You Crushing It Every Day?

“Love your family, work super hard, live your passion.” - Gary Vaynerchuk, from Crush It! Great words from Gary in one of my favorite books (I require all of my clients to read). He is spot on with this one.

See how he constructs the quote — Family — Work — Passion. Not the other way around.

Unfortunately, many of the C-Level clients I coach work it the other way and find they're not happy, they have a shitty marriage, they never see their kids or their kids hate them, and their only passion in life is putting in mucho hours on the job. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Yes — you've got the three M's — Money, Mansion, Mercedes (or Maserati) — but deep down, you're not happy. Something is missing and time is running out.

So here goes — you can have all three — it's just how you look at them AND how you prioritize them. I am currently working with the CEO/Owner of a top engineering firm and we're currently spinning the sequence around to help him enjoy the benefits of his labor. He's built the organization from the ground up and now it's time to enjoy life!

NUMBER ONE RULE — Family Comes First. No exceptions.

I'm not saying to fill up your calendar with family-oriented activities and let work suffer. Within reason, try to start your workweek by making time for your wife/partner, kids, friends, etc. If there is a baseball game, a romantic dinner, a morning run, hiking at the park — make sure it is recorded and blocked off on your calendar FIRST.

Again, within reason — I understand you work for a living. But taking a vacation day once in awhile is fine, even encouraged. Leave work early to catch your son's or daughter's soccer game. Come in late because you took your family to an early breakfast at your favorite diner. You know, the one where you all sit together with no TV, no smartphones and just eat and talk.

ACTION: Get your assistant in your office right now and start blocking off your calendar. TODAY.

NUMBER TWO RULE — Work Super Hard. But work smart.

I know you work hard. That's how you got to your position in the first place. But what got you to the captain's chair probably won't help you stay happy there. You worked hard, put in the thousands of hours of blood, sweat and tears. You made all the right decisions (and a few stinkers). You made the right connections with the right people. YOU HUSTLED.

Now it's time to sit in the captain's chair and start delegating even more. Don't act like Captain Kirk and accompany the away team on every mission, stay on-board the Enterprise and direct your resources in strategic ways. What got you here isn't going to keep you here for very long without compromising your home life, your happiness, and your health. You're not getting any younger either.

ACTION: Look at all your meetings and start culling them down by 10%. Stop reading every email/text that comes in. Have your assistant monitor your information flow and decide what get priority. They're the gatekeeper — ensure they guard the gate.

Cut down on one-on-ones with everyone — start to develop a sharper pyramid reporting structure with very few people touching you (no more than 5-7) Remember the Godfather? He had three direct reports — his Consigliere (who died - morte), and two Capos — Clemenza and Tessio. That's it.

NUMBER THREE RULE — Live Your Passion. But find what your REAL passion is.

Too many C-Level executives hit the big show and start to abuse the passion that got them there. They forget the fun, innovation, excitement and give in to boredom, politics, and hitting the targets for their buddies on the board. The world becomes pedantic and the passion flows out of them.

They try to make safe decisions and safe moves, and impact their business, their organization, and their customers. They prioritize their bonus, their safety, and their reputation over what's really important. I know it's hard, but sometimes you have to sacrifice the temporary pleasures to fully engage with what really matters. It's not all money (and if you believe it is - READ THIS - another mandatory book I recommend to C-Level clients).

ACTION: Sit down and assess what your real passions are right at this moment. What gets your motor running? What gets you excited about life? What motivates you to do GREAT work? You need to re-establish a connection with your passion and make sure you fill up your enthusiasm gas tank every day.

Are you crushing it every day?

"No excuses. Make it happen." - Rich Gee

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Start Looking For A Job By Mike Rowe.

Powerful words from Mike Rowe (Dirty Jobs host): "Stop looking for the “right” career, and start looking for a job. Any job.

Forget about what you like. Focus on what’s available. Get yourself hired.

Show up early. Stay late. Volunteer for the scut work. Become indispensable. You can always quit later, and be no worse off than you are today.

But don’t waste another year looking for a career that doesn’t exist.

And most of all, stop worrying about your happiness. Happiness does not come from a job. It comes from knowing what you truly value, and behaving in a way that’s consistent with those beliefs."

Mike Rowe  is an American media personality, actor and comedian best known as the host of the Discovery Channel series Dirty Jobs. He can also be heard as narrator on a variety of series and has appeared in recurring commercials for Ford Motor Company. 

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You've Got The Power.

“You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

"I've got the power. Radical mind day and night all the time, Seven, fourteen, wise, divine, Maniac, brainiac, winning the game, I'm the lyrical Jesse James." — Snap, 90's German pop group

Now I've done it. How do I equate the great Marcus Aurelius with a bad one-hit-wonder pop group like Snap?

Easy. I want you to absorb the first quote with the logical/factual side of your brain and the second with the emotional/passionate part. Because each is important in their own way.

I love Marcus Aurelius. He's THE MAN. I regularly read Meditations to reinforce my personal belief structure. I also let it energize and motivate me to MOVE FORWARD.

What is Marcus really saying here? No one is out to get you. There is no bad luck. You haven't put yourself in a position you can't get out of (most of the time). YOU HAVE THE POWER.

Control your overall thinking (philosophy) and your thoughts (those millions of ideas you get every day). You will quickly realize you have unlimited power to do almost anything in your life or change any situation by just reaching inward and grabbing the strength we all have.

Unfortunately, we tend to focus on the emotional/storytelling side of our brain and let it rule our life and actions. We tell ourselves stories that we are not adequate, we are unlucky, we can never have the good things in life, and on and on and on. We slowly dig a hole full of made up stories when squeezed into a huge ball in our mind, and we find ourselves painted in a proverbial corner.

I run into this frequently with clients. They make themselves believe there is no other option, no alternative, no direction to go. They get frazzled, they lose hope, they break down, and the machine STOPS.

I'm here to tell you there's always another way. YOU have power over your mind. YOU have control over how you react to the outside world. Don't let emotions get the better of you. Here are some suggestions:

1. Separate yourself from your current location. If you're at the office, go for a walk. If your at home, step outside into your yard.
2. Meditate. Stop thinking of all the bad things. Turn off your phone. Close your eyes and meditate, pray or just clear your thoughts.
3. Put your problems in context. Are they really THAT bad? Or are you making them huge and impenetrable in your mind?
4. Get focused. When your problem is brought into real focus, begin to think of a number of ways to solve that problem — even if the solution is not in your power at this time.
5. Stay calm. Odds are you still have a roof over your head, food to eat and a family to love you. It's not that bad.
6. Stop playing the martyr. Most of all, NEVER feel like the world is out to get you. It isn't. It might feel that way, but it just the emotional side of your brain talking.
7. Use the emotional side of your brain and power it up with music, dance, art, etc. Fill up your emotional gasoline tank with energy to fuel our thoughts and deliver positive actions.

As Marcus also says, “The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” 

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It's All About GRACE.

I was sitting in church last night during our Maundy Thursday service and as I was reading along in the cantata, one word kept popping up. GRACE.

And I realized, we all can do with a little more GRACE in our lives in how we treat other people. Honestly, when was the last time you used the word GRACE in conversation?

As you know, this is a business and career blog — so how do I incorporate GRACE into that?

The definition of GRACE is:

As a noun — simple elegance or refinement of movement or conversation.

As a verb — to do honor or credit to (someone or something) by one's presence.

So here goes:

1. When dealing with a direct report, add a bit more grace to the conversation. Show them a bit more refinement in your words. Even if they've done something wrong, try to credit them in some way.
2. At a meeting, comport yourself with a little more grace than usual. Listen to what other people say without barging in and giving them your perspective.
3. Be grateful you have a business or career and let others know it. Tell your boss or clients how much they mean to you. Honor them.
4. When meeting someone for the first time, show them how refined you really are. Don't be pushy, brazen, or assertive — simple elegance will take you far.
5. It does matter for any gender: If you're a woman, elegance and refinement come easily to you — use them frequently. People will be impressed and call you a 'sharp' executive. If you're a man, spend a bit more time giving credit or honor to people — they will start calling you a 'true' gentleman.

TAKE ACTION: Over the next week (or two), take a Post-It note and write GRACE on it. Whenever you have an opportunity to interact with another person, add a bit more of YOUR GRACE to the conversation.

You might not only surprise yourself — others will be surprisingly impressed.

I'D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ON MY MESSAGE TODAY. SEND ME YOUR MESSAGE BELOW!

Our Favorite Four-Letter Word Starts With An 'F'.

Gotcha. You thought I meant that other word. I'll save it when I hit my finger with a hammer.

Today's four-letter word starting with an 'F' is: FEAR.

We all have some sort of fear at some level at some time in our life. It might be a very present fear staring us in the face or it might be a background fear hiding in the attic — but it's still there doing its dirty work.

I know your fears. How? We all have the same fears . . . Fear of:

• Meeting new people
• Asking or demanding more from your team
• Stepping outside of our comfort zone
• Pushing back on your boss or a client
• Losing your job or a major client
• Fear of failure
• Fear of success (this happens more than you think)

Fear sucks. But what really is fear?

• It's the future. It's what is going to happen.
• It's the unknown. Anything can happen. You might looks stupid or unprofessional.
• It's the loss of security. When you are insecure, you begin to get anxious.
• It's your mind taking you from anxiety, mixing in a little bad thinking — and you get fear.

Anxiety is not all bad. It's your body telling you that you are stepping out of a secure zone in your life. You're pushing yourself — you're trying something new.

Unfortunately, your mind takes over and you begin to spin terrible stories in your head about 'what might happen' and fear rears it's ugly head.

So how do you conquer fear? 

1. Acknowledge you are stepping into an area that is new or hard. You are pushing yourself.
2. If you feel anxiety, stay there, let your body feel the anxiety for a little while — it will fuel your next step.
3. You need to get back into a secure mode. How do you do that? You need the other four-letter word: "PLAN".

The best way to deal with fear is to have a PLAN. And not a 20-page plan. Sit down and write up a simple one-page plan with steps and activities on it. What happens?

• You begin to stop worrying about the future and stay in the present.
• You start to envision a gradual set of tasks to take you from where you are to where you need to be.
• You have a process to fall back on in case fear creeps into your head again.

"Do what you fear, and the death of fear is certain." - Anthony Robbins 

What do you FEAR? Do you have a PLAN to take care of it?

Image provided by Alex Talmon at Unsplash (Free - do whatever you want - hi-resolution photos).

"If You Don't Build Your Dream . . . Someone Else Will Hire You To Build Theirs."

A number of years ago, I turned 40 and for my birthday, a good buddy from college sent me a book. I read that book in two days and it totally changed my vision, my perspective and my life. That book was "Tuesdays With Morrie". If you haven't read it, pick it up TODAY. It taught me that life is fleeting and to spend each day enjoying life, your work, your family, and your friends. I spent too much time worrying at my job and seeing too many projects deferred by bad management. I experienced too many manager making too many bad decisions based on emotions and politics and not on facts and ethics. I realized I was no longer doing what I really wanted to do.

It took three 'insights' to help me realize my situation and deliver a solution.

My first insight was Tuesdays With Morrie.

My second insight was signing up for the Dale Carnegie course and attending all 12 sessions. Not only did I meet 50 wonderful professionals from all walks of life, I had an incredible instructor who helped me better understand my future career.

My third was hiring a coach to help me make the transition. He helped me rationalize the erratic fears of leaving a six-figure position for an unknown coaching practice that might fail. But he helped me understand what needed to be done, put goals and activities in place, and make the jump.

And many years later, I'm doing better every year — blowing away my past salaries and making more than I've ever dreamed. Yes — I have to work harder sometimes — but this is MY business. On the other hand, I am in COMPLETE CONTROL of my products, my promotions, what I write, what I do — and I have the flexibility many people wish for.

And the best part? I've helped hundreds of clients make the same jump from crazy corporate to owning their own business. And they hug and thank me every time they see me (they're my best cheerleaders).

So — take the plunge — step out of your comfort zone and start your own business. Come on in — the water's fine.

I leave you with Emerson, who also said (in Self Reliance): "In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another."

Image provided by Monika Majkowska at Unsplash.

How To Be Successful 80% Of The Time.

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” One of my favorite quotes from Woody Allen. Most people forget that to be successful, you have to get out of your office chair and meet people. To go to functions where you mingle with professionals. And be on time for appointments with those people.

That’s it. Show up.

This week, one of my clients told me a powerful story about a monthly gathering of executives that I introduced her to — this time she brought a friend along.

Her friend (we’ll call him John) works for a major consulting firm — a huge one. While at this event, John introduces himself to another attendee and proceeds to find out that this person is a major partner his firm.

This partner is impressed that John is out networking for the firm. They have a great conversation and the partner proceeds to ask him out to lunch.

What just happened to John’s career? It went through the roof and is currently in the stratosphere. Why? Because he showed up.

Over the next week or so, start looking for opportunities to get out and meet people. Spread your wings — start making friends and bringing home gobs of business cards.

You never know who you might meet. At the very least, it allows you to get out of that stale office and into the sunlight. You get to interact with people in various vocations — the ideas will start flowing — and then magic happens.

You’ll thank me.

Who have you met (at a function, meeting, etc.) that changed your life?

Image provided by Dell's Official Flickr Page at Flickr.

Fire The CEO! That Will Never Happen.

Read this today: "IBM Corp. this summer will lay off  hundreds of workers in the Hudson Valley region as part of a $1 billion company restructuring that could cut as many as 8,000 jobs worldwide." (link) The truth: Bad management decisions by the top impact the hard workers under them.

It happens time and time again - when the same cast of characters - The Board, Chairman, CEO, President, CFO, CMO, CIO, COO, CSO, (and many others) make decisions which are either good for Wall Street (to get that pennies per share price up) or good for them (so they can hold onto their jobs for another year).

It's the typical corporate country two-step - instead of innovation and growth - they focus on swaying to the gyrations of factory/office closings and staff reductions. Make a bad decision? Time to start firing up the guillotine! Instead of realizing that THEY (management) have made serious miscalculations of the market/their customers/their competition, they continue on in their role (with HUGE bonuses) while they slowly eviscerate the organization from the inside out.

Think of what IBM used to be (i.e., the Watsons) where they took bold ideas, acted upon them, and led the industry. They picked up on the PC, Laptops, Operating Systems, Enterprise Solutions, etc. What happened?

Why isn't IBM in mobile computing? They used to be a leader. Answer: Short sighted vision and watching-their-butt management. What can benefit management in the short term (just to get another year or two of outrageous bonuses) or playing the market so they can leave and land at their next gig (and do the exact same thing over again). I would love some news organization to start up a Bad CEO database so we can see where they turn up next — we can track them like Lo-Jack for executives.

And before I begin receiving rebuttals . . . I know . . . there are companies who are doing it the right way, IBM and other companies are reacting to industry changes, etc. I just find it's sad to see a leader in American technology lay off 8,000 workers. That's a LOT of good people. Also, I don't hate CEO's — I just hate BAD CEO's. And we all know who they are.

Got A Great Testimonial Today.

Over the past year,  I've worked with an influential CEO of a major financial advisory company in NYC. During that time, we got A LOT accomplished and we had a lot of fun. He requested in-person meetings with Skype follow-ups and I modified my services to provide what he needed (the team at the Rich Gee Group aims to please!). So without further ado . . .

“Rich has been instrumental in the growth and success of my career and organization. He has a unique ability to inspire you and think outside the box to deal with challenging situations.  I would highly recommend Rich to anyone.”

It's been a great ride and I hope to remain friends forever.

The Price Of Success.

Originally written by Joseph French Johnson in the early 1900's — I can not, to this day, find a more inspirational piece of text: I often wonder what it is that brings one person success in life, and what it is that brings mediocrity or failure to their brother or sister. The difference can't be in mental capacity; there is not the difference in our mentalities indicated by the difference in performance. In short, I have reached the conclusion that some people succeed because they cheerfully pay the price of success, and others, though they may claim ambition and a desire to succeed, are unwilling to pay that price.

And the price is...

To use all your courage to force yourself to concentrate on the problem in hand, to think of it deeply and constantly, to study it from all angles, and to plan.

To have a high and sustained determination to put over what you plan to accomplish, not if circumstances be favorable to its accomplishment, but in spite of all adverse circumstances which may arise and nothing worthwhile has ever been accomplished without some obstacles having been overcome.

To refuse to believe that there are any circumstances sufficiently strong to defeat you in the accomplishment of your purpose.

Hard? I should say so. That's why so many people never attempt to acquire success, answer the siren call of the rut and remain on the beaten paths that are for beaten men and women.

Nothing worthwhile has ever been achieved without constant endeavor, some pain and constant application of the lash of ambition. That's the price of success as I see it.

And I believe every person should ask themselves:

Am I willing to endure the pain of this struggle for the comforts and the rewards and the glory that go with achievement?

Or shall I accept the uneasy and inadequate contentment that comes with mediocrity?

Am I willing to pay the Price of Success?

P.S. I modified this quote for my to make it powerful for all of my readers.

P.P.S. The photo is of Elon Musk, man who started PayPal, Tesla Cars, and now SpaceX.