What's Holding You Back? You Are.

I start all workshops and coaching relationships with the discussion of Limiting Beliefs. Why? In life, we run into so many external obstacles. People, institutions, rules, regulations, and hierarchies all play major roles in our life. They get in our way, they make us stumble, we get frustrated, and we give up. They win.

The more insidious of life's obstacles are your internal obstacles. I've broken them down into manageable chunks to allow you to understand them and to hopefully assess and ameliorate each one. When I think of limiting beliefs in my life, I call them life's 'Little Stinkers'. Here they are:

What We've Learned

These are the 'hard-wired' internal obstacles that are drilled into us from an early age. 'Don't do this' and 'you can't do that' play a major part in our learning process. We might have parents, siblings, teachers, and other adults in our life telling us what is right and wrong. Not that it's a bad thing — it's important to do — but sometimes they say certain things that are seared in our personality.

Examples: "They're out of your league" "No one can get an A in that class" "You're not artistic" "You can't sing"

What We've Experienced

These are the myriad of personal experiences when we've tried to step out of our bubble and try new things. And they don't go well. We try something new once or take a big step out of our comfort zone and fail. We revert back to a safe spot and constantly repeat to ourselves that we shouldn't go there — it's a waste of time.

Examples: "We shouldn't go there" "We can't do it" "It's not in our DNA" "I'd be happier staying the same"

What We Think/Fear

This is the third level of limiting beliefs. Take what we've learned and what we've experienced, mix them together, and you end up here. These are all the limiting beliefs we have in our head and we project them all into the future. We mentally scare and hold ourselves back from learning new things, experiencing new practices, and meeting new people.

Examples: "If I do it, I will fail" "This will be a futile exercise" "They won't like me" "They will laugh at me" "I will lose a lot of money"

What We Dodge

This is the lazy limiting belief. We get stuck or complacent in our limiting belief world and feel this is all I need to do. We take the other three limiting beliefs and let our procrastination, laziness, and distractions kick in to hold us back.

Examples: "This has worked all my life" "It's good enough" "My job is fine" (I hate the word fine) "I don't have the time"

Conclusion

If you let these limiting beliefs win, you will NEVER get the opportunity to change your life, your situation, your work, your abilities, your friendships, and possibly increase your happiness. I find if you just stay static in your life and career, you won't be happy for long. So start looking in the mirror and start eliminating those internal obstacles!

How To Eliminate Procrastination From Your Life.

“Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” - Napoleon Hill “Why do now what can be done later?” - Rich Gee

Face it - we all procrastinate in one form or another. It might be at work. It might be at home. You might be like some of my clients and do it EVERYWHERE.

During my 15 years of coaching business owners and executives, I've found that procrastination can be simplified into four 'obstacles':

1. You don't have enough information/ability/tools to make a decision or act. This is by far the simplest one to tackle. You need to logically obtain the information needed, or required assistance, or the requisite tools to complete the task at hand. Usually we use these three areas as an excuse not to do the task. But when you look logically at the problem, it's usually quite easy to solve.

Example: I hate financials. I put it off all the time. Why? Because when I begin to bill my 20-30 clients, I always run into one client with a credit card issue (expired date, number incorrect, issuer hiccups info, etc.). And the whole billing train stops. I get frustrated (emotions).

Solution: What I now do is clearly and unemotionally call up the client and ask for clarification or another card. I used to hate doing this (see #3 too!). The client always apologizes and I'm on my way. Take the emotion out of it!

2. You find that the task at hand is too big or complex to handle in one fell swoop. This happens all the time — you have a project or initiative to accomplish, but because of the project's depth and breadth, you just don't know where to start and don't have time to finish it in one fell swoop.

Example: I have a series of webinars I want to launch prior to the new year. But there's a lot of moving parts - getting my mailing list together, developing the eBlast message, scheduling on Meetup.com and partnering with GoToWebinar.com for their services. Whew!

Solution: Break it up. Try to do small tasks in order over a period of hours or days. First, write out all the tasks that need to be done — then prioritize them with a quick estimate of how long they will take. Plug each task into your schedule (this is important). Then begin with the first one. You'll find that you will start making progress immediately AND have fun with the small tasks.

3. You are afraid of the consequences of tackling the task. This happens ALL the time - you have either let the activity wallow in the mire for so long or there is one task, person, thing that you don't want to deal with — and that is the area that causes the procrastination.

Example: I don't want to make the decision to purchase the GoToWebinar vs. GoToMeeting (one is quite expensive). So I procrastinate. It's like a dam filling up and about to burst.

Solution: Get a piece of paper and quickly list the pros and cons of the area that is holding you back. You'll quickly find that most of your 'procrastination trepidation' is emotion-based and not fact-based. Once I did this, I immediately made things happen — the dam went away.

4. You just don't want to do it. This is the biggest one of all — because deep down, we are all babies. We don't do things we don't like to do — and that is the main cause of our procrastination.

Example: As a small business owner (and a previous corporate executive), you have a bunch of things to do and it's so easy to put something off — you rationalize the activity to the bottom of your list. This is why my new eBlast isn't out yet.

Solution: Everything is important - but you ultimately need to make the decision to either do it and get it done or kill it and move on to something else. And that is the solution - flip a coin and either begin doing it or kill it. Odds are, you'll want to do it and begin using the other three solutions to start making it happen.

Conclusion: Figure out what is making you procrastinate, take action, and make it happen. DO IT TODAY.

3 Critical Skills of Effective Leaders.

Great leaders translate vision into decisive action — a skill that's especially vital in tough times. But what are those skills? Do you have a blind spot? Should you be doing more? First off — great leaders do three things — no more, no less:

1. They motivate their people.
2. They deliver information when required.
3. They help their people with obstacles.

That's it. As a leader, if you find yourself doing anything else, you're doing too much. Now let's look at each one:

They motivate their people.

The most successful leaders are those with the best people skills, especially during the most difficult circumstances. Poor communication and interpersonal relationships routinely thwart leaders who are otherwise technically competent. In order to succeed, leaders must be fully engaged with the individuals who make up their organization. This means an array of capabilities like coaching, mentoring and how to give constructive feedback which reinforces the behavior and motivation of your peak performers. The best tool to learn how to motivate is Dale Carnegie's: How to Win Friends and Influence People.

They deliver information when required.

What does this really mean? Incredibly efficient two-way communication. And the cruel joke is that most leaders had the chops to make their way up the ladder and succeed — now the skills that got them there (getting things done) have no place in leadership. You now have to communicate to your team to get things done. This is where most C- and VP level executives fail - you need to lead with greater impact by applying emotional intelligence to manage your team. The best tool to effectively communicate is Daniel Goleman's: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

They help their people with obstacles.

Here's the mistake all leaders make. When their people come to them with a problem — they spend time helping them brainstorm, choose and sometimes execute a solution. I've seen this happen time and time again. Great leaders ask their people to come to them when they have a problem, but they also require their people to come with a solution too. 80-90% of the time, that solution is usually the best one and the team member is further empowered to make those tough decisions. On the off chance (that 10-20%) that your people might be wrong, you're there to help them investigate other options. For optimal delegation, seek out Michael Abrashoff's: It’s Your Ship: Management Techniques from the Best Damn Ship in the Navy.

At the end of the day, you need to build a leadership style that creates trust, sets a clear vision and guides your entire team toward greater performance and profit. 

Two Questions That Will Change Your Life In A Powerful Way.

DO THIS TODAY. I did it and found it COMPLETELY EXHILARATING & POWERFUL. Find a quiet place, no distractions (see below). Turn off your phone and email, close your door — this time is for you. Use your laptop to write down the answers to these two questions:

1. EXPLAIN YOUR CURRENT SITUATION TO YOUR 'FIVE-YEARS-AGO' SELF.

Example: Tom — you're going to be fired from your job, you're going to feel like 'fired', but they're really letting you go. But don't worry - you're going to take six months off reeling from that experience, but you will get your head on straight. One day, you will meet a man named Steve who will open your eyes to the new areas of your profession (that you never knew existed) and will give you a job.

Initially, you will be scared (it's a big step for you), but in the end, it's a defining step. Your kids will be growing and you'll have more time to see them change from day-to-day. You will think you are a failure to your wife, but one night, you will break down crying to her and she'll tell you your are the strongest man she knows. And that will fuel you for the next five years. Go get 'em!

2. EXPLAIN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS TO YOUR 'CURRENT' SELF.

Example: Tom — You're frustrated right now - too many things hitting you from all angles. You need to take one day, a single day, and write down all of the small and large tasks you need to do to be successful. And start getting them done. In a messy pile, they are all sitting there taunting you - but broken up, in easy to complete tasks - they are simple to solve.

Here's an eye-opener - You are going to change the way your industry makes money. You know in your heart it needs to change - be more nimble and agile to absorb the changes in the marketplace - but no one is doing anything about it. This is your time to show everyone what you've got. You are going to change the world buddy. By the way, you make it a point of coming home on-time at least three days a week to spend time with your kids - play ball or help them with their homework.

Also, you make it a point to take your wife out EVERY Friday for a date-night, with just the two of you. Finally, bring some flowers home for her just for being her - she is the most important person who can help you be your best right now.

Your answers don't have to be long — think free-form writing - don't worry about mistakes or grammar - no one is going to see this except for you.

I think you'll find it will clear your obstacles, get you motivated, and let you see exactly where you've been, where you are, and where you really need to go next.

IF YOU NEED HELP WITH THIS, I WANT YOU TO LET ME KNOW - I can help.

About distractions:

Distractions take your focus away from the important tasks in your life. I've found clients who focus their attention on the matter at hand accelerate faster with their goals. Everyone can take a small break once in awhile from work to focus on their career. EVERYONE.

In fact, psychotherapists say distractive behavior is a form of self-sabotage — where people are temporarily distracted with mundane, less-important tasks rather than focusing on their important, long-term success.

"There are two types of people in this world. The doers and the complainers."

In 1998, aged 16, Gurbaksh Chahal dropped out of high school to work full time at his first venture, ClickAgents. ClickAgents was an advertising network focused on performance-based advertising. In 2000, ValueClick bought ClickAgents in a $40 million. In 2004, Chahal formed BlueLithium. BlueLithium specialized in behavioral targeting of banner advertising. In 2007, Yahoo bought Blue Lithium for $300 million.

This is a quote from Gurbaksh. He gets right to the point. He makes it happen.

I have two questions for you:

1. What's holding you back? Is it someone or something in your life? Or it it YOU?

2. What would life be like if you eliminated that obstacle?

Most obstacles are self-imposed. We grow things out of proportion. We make things bigger than they really are.

Do you think Gurbaksh let inner (or outer) obstacles get in his way?

I don't think so.

Why I Attended My Coaching Session This Morning.

Just received this from one of my oldest clients a few minutes ago — I thought I would publish it verbatim. Enjoy! When I rolled over in bed at 5:45 this morning, my usual weekday wake up time, I began to think about my day and realized I had my normally scheduled coaching session at 7:30, meaning I would have to get out of bed soon.

I was thinking I wish I could just cancel the session and grab another hour of sleep. I felt that the session today was going to be less meaningful than others.  There was no “hot and heavy” issue facing me that needs immediate attention.

Oh well, I thought, I will go through the motions and if it turns out that the session is a bust, so be it.  I decided that I would use the session today to discuss a relatively minor event of the day before that had caused me some temporary angst but passed in short order.

My focus would be to ensure that events like these stayed in the temporary and minor range for me. Wasn’t sure a whole session could be filled with that but would go with the flow.

When I arrived at my meeting, spent the first bit catching up with my coach on personal “stuff”.  While chatting, I found myself staring at the piece of paper my coach always brings to every session, a blank, white sheet waiting to be filled with boxes and circles and lines outlining our discussion.

The sheet even had my name on top today reminding me that I was the focus of the session and needed to figure out what I wanted to go over with him.

My first thought was to go with the outline that my coach provides before every session- what were my accomplishments this week?  That would be easy since I made had contacted two people that were on my list from the last session. My coach provided positive reinforcement for doing this and discussed how the meeting that I had and the one that I was going to have were going to fit into my goals.

Where to go to next for the session, I thought about our prior discussion related to managing people that work for me and that I work with.  It was here I could bring up the event of the other day that I had dealt with. Again, my coach complimented my handling of the situation and offered further thoughts on how to set boundaries and expectations that would help when working with these people.

My coach then reminded me that the conference I was going to attend in two weeks, that I had previously mentioned in another session , would be another potential opportunity to identify additional resources for my business .  He told me to think about possibly inviting out one of the speakers of the conference to breakfast or for a drink.  He said a lot of times the speakers are alone at this type of conference and appreciate someone making an effort to include them in the fold.

As the session was nearing an end, I asked the coach how things were going for him.  He shared with me some of his business ideas he was working on and we chatted further about the potential profitability of these ideas. It got my creative juices flowing always thinking about how it is important to keep coming up with new business ideas to keep your business moving forward and be in the forefront of your profession.

We finished up with  setting up our appointment for the following week and said our goodbyes. As I began to walk to my car to begin my workday I began to smile to myself and though okay today turned out to be a more meaningful session than anticipated.

So why did I attend my coaching session at 7:30 this morning? 

• To hold myself accountable on  a weekly basis
• To feel good about my progress/accomplishments
• To be proactive about my business and continual move it forward
• To have a support mechanism for me and my business (business therapy)

So there it is — my client just made me feel wonderful for the weekend. I owe a lot of what I am today to her. - Rich