I know . . . you hate small talk. To a certain extent, everyone does.
If you’re asked to attend a lunch or dinner, you think, “Shoot me now - I hate all the fake conversation”.
People ask me why I love social functions. They grow me as a professional, expand my contact base and increase my chances for greater success. Hermits are rarely successful (with the exception of Howard Hughes).
A close colleague of mine is the most active person I've ever met. She spends every second of the day seeking new and interesting experiences. As a result, she finds what other people do interesting because it can be applied to her own endeavors.
It's not about talking to people. It's about being interested in what other people have to say, and the only way to do that is to be interested in things yourself. If you are a boring person then you will find other people boring.
You might be uncomfortable in social situations and use your ‘disinterest’ as an excuse, whether by accident or on purpose.
There are many reasons why you don't find people interesting. Sometimes, people also fall victim to the same arrogance to assume people will be dumb and boring to talk to. Don’t believe it, reach out and give it a try.
Find as many things in the world as you can that interest you. Then when the opportunity arises, try to find related topics to discuss with strangers.
The deeper and more honest a conversation is with a stranger, the more interesting it will be. Don't be afraid to tell someone what it is that you really enjoy or are really thinking about. They will sense your passion and share more with you.
If you get caught up in the moral dilemma of whether or not you are having a conversation for the other person's pleasure or your own selfish desires, then just remember we're here to experience life with others. We are all the same.
I've had more lifelong friends by volunteering for events or projects that I've found interesting than I ever did through chance and happenstance.
I volunteered for a local community project and while there were a fair share of douchey people involved, they were far outnumbered by just plainly awesome folks, most of whom I am still involved with on a day-to-day basis.
Keep your eyes open for opportunities to help others do things you enjoy, and you'll find others with common ground and shared interests that you will, hopefully, have no need to follow conversational flowcharts. You'll just talk.
Make believe you are a spy. Pretend you are James Bond and you are collecting information. You need to get as much intel on someone as possible, and learn as much as you can. And you need to store it away incase you need to use it to keep your cover later.
Don't spend time thinking about yourself and the process of fake communication rather than engaging in a real conversation. A conversation is a dance, a give and take, an exchange. Try to relate yourself with the person you are talking to, which in turn will make you more interested, because clearly we are very interested in ourselves.
Addressing it in a slightly different manner was all I needed to get much better at it, which in turn made people seem more interesting.
What are your tips to produce great conversation?
Image provided by atomicjeep at Flickr.