How I Invited Awe Into My Life.

Last year about this time at church, my minister, Bonnie Bardot, offered the congregation to choose a paper star out of a basket during the service. Each star had a word on them — Celebrate, Inspire, and Drive Badly. Just kidding on the last one. We were told to keep the star during the year and focus on it from time to time. Guess what star I chose? AWE

AWE - I have no idea what AWE is. Oh yes, I know the definition, but I’ve never spoken it in in a sentence. Frankly, I find it hard to say in the past tense - AWED.

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines AWE as: An emotion variously combining dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority - stood in awe of the king - regard nature's wonders with awe.

Some of AWE’s synonyms are: Admiration, Amazement, Astonishment, Wonder, and Wonderment. That’s cool.

But the archaic definition of AWE is even more fun — Dread or Terror. Oh my.

For the life of me, I had no idea how AWE could fit into my life.

So I went home with my star and taped it on my office wall the next day, right near the door so I would see it. And let it be. The first few months - nothing really happened. Frankly, I forgot about it.

But then something weird occurred when leaving my office. I saw the star. And it made me think of any AWE-inspiring things I’ve noticed. I started writing them down. Here’s a few:

I am awed and inspired when early in the morning after it snows, nature is so silent.

I am awed and astonished while working on their homework, I see a spark go off in my son's heads when they get a concept or a new idea - a virtual lightbulb appears.

I am awed with grace when I sit in church and genuinely feel peace during prayers. I am also awed when those prayers work!

I am awed with the genius of many people in this world who not only come up with incredibly powerful ideas and machines that change our lives but they move us forward by leaps and bounds.

I am also awed with dread when I see people in power make extremely stupid decisions that will adversely affect their citizens while clearly helping the very few stay in power and remain outrageously rich.

Finally, I am awed when I see people turn from despair and hatred and embrace our true nature of love, understanding, and acceptance.

That’s AWE to me.

Where is AWE in your life? I would love to hear from you.

Is Your Boss A Psychopath?

You've probably worked for or with one sometime in your career. I'm not using this word lightly — I really mean psychopath — a person who exhibits a cluster of distinctive personality traits, the most significant of which is an utter lack of conscience. They also have huge egos, short tempers, and an appetite for excitement -- a dangerous mix.

This is a tough post to write, but I usually have 2-3 clients a year who describe their boss with a certain set of characteristics. For me, it sets off a series of alarms and I help them decide to stay where they are or move on. Because at the end of the day, you cannot change a person's behavioral makeup.

Almost 10 years ago, I read a very interesting report, written by Robert Hercz, titled "Psychopaths Among Us". In it, he relates certain descriptions of a 'subclinical psychopath' — one who is not overtly violent:

"They're the charming predators who, unable to form real emotional bonds, find and use vulnerable women for sex and money (and inevitably abandon them). They're the con men like Christophe Rocancourt, and they're the stockbrokers and promoters who caused Forbes magazine to call the Vancouver Stock Exchange (now part of the Canadian Venture Exchange) the scam capital of the world. (Hare has said that if he couldn't study psychopaths in prisons, the Stock Exchange would have been his second choice.)

Psychopaths can be found in legislatures, hospitals, and used-car lots. They're your neighbour, your boss, and your blind date. Because they have no conscience, they're natural predators. If you didn't have a conscience, you'd be one too.

Psychopaths love chaos and hate rules, so they're comfortable in the fast-moving modern corporation. Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist based near New York City, is in the process of writing a book with Bob Hare called 'Snakes In Suits: When Psychopaths Go to Work: Cons, Bullies and the Puppetmaster'. The subtitle refers to the three broad classes of psychopaths Babiak has encountered in the workplace.

Babiak says psychopaths have three motivations: thrill-seeking, the pathological desire to win, and the inclination to hurt people. "They'll jump on any opportunity that allows them to do those things," he says. "If something better comes along, they'll drop you and move on."

How can you tell if your boss is a psychopath? It's not easy, says Babiak. "They have traits similar to ideal leaders. You would expect an ideal leader to be narcissistic, self-centred, dominant, very assertive, maybe to the point of being aggressive. Those things can easily be mistaken for the aggression and bullying that a psychopath would demonstrate. The ability to get people to follow you is a leadership trait, but being charismatic to the point of manipulating people is a psychopathic trait. They can sometimes be confused."

Once inside a company, psychopaths can be hard to excise. Babiak tells of a salesperson and psychopath -- call him John -- who was performing badly but not suffering for it. John was managing his boss -- flattering him, taking him out for drinks, flying to his side when he was in trouble. In return, his boss covered for him by hiding John's poor performance. The arrangement lasted until John's boss was moved. When his replacement called John to task for his abysmal sales numbers, John was a step ahead.

He'd already gone to the company president with a set of facts he used to argue that his new boss, and not he, should be fired. But he made a crucial mistake. "It was actually stolen data," Babiak says. "The only way [John] could have obtained it would be for him to have gone into a file into which no one was supposed to go. That seemed to be enough, and he was fired rather than the boss. Even so, in the end, he walked out with a company car, a bag of money, and a good reference."

He's "not comfortable" with one researcher's estimate that one in ten executives is a psychopath, but he has noticed that they are attracted to positions of power. When he describes employees such as John to other executives, they know exactly whom he's talking about. "I was talking to a group of human-resources executives yesterday," says Babiak, "and every one of them said, you know, I think I've got somebody like that."

I post this report because I find that some of my clients go for years blaming themselves for poor performance, getting fired, or not making the grade. Sometimes, it's not them — it's probably their boss.

Have you ever wondered if you worked for a 'subclinical psychopath'?

3 Ways To Stay Connected.

It's hard to stay connected with friends, colleagues, clients, and key people in your industry. Why? Because most positions force you to focus on production and not development. Get to work and don't worry about new connections. Here's three ways to gently sneak in a little contact to help your career health, grow your business, and ensure your success.

Strategic Lunches — Once a week, ensure that you schedule a lunch with someone outside of your current contact list (growth) or a critical, connected and key player within your contact list (retention). Not five lunches, just one. Also make sure that you keep it to one hour — so you will do it again and not fret about the 'waste of time' it might incur.

Morning Calls — Every day, pick one person from your contact list, and reach out to them via phone in the morning. Make it first thing, make it quick (no more than 5-10 minutes), and keep it enthusiastic. Focus on them - ask about their family, work, life — but the most important this is to get in and get out. Slowly, people will look forward to your call when they see your name appear on their phone. Result: Connect with 200+ people on your list every year.

Dinner Parties — Every three months, host a dinner party at your home. Here are the rules:

• Invite 3-4 couples. They should not know each other, but they do know you.
• Keep it casual. Tell them to dress down.
• Keep the food simple. Serve something where you spend no time in the kitchen once the guests arrive. Like chili.
• Keep the wine flowing. A glass or two always soften the party jitters.
• Use nametags. People forget names and it inhibits conversation. It sounds hokey, but it works.
• Have them bring a fun gift. Like their favorite CD from college. Then you can play it and talk about it (or make fun of it).

I've had more people come to me afterward and comment that these are the best parties they've ever attended. And I get business.

Just try one of these strategies and slowly see your contact circle grow that much more robust. Trust me.

Two Videos: One Will Impact Your Life & One Your Work.

Rarely do I log onto one of my favorite sites (reddit.com) and find two great videos I have to share. So in honor of the day after Thanksgiving, where we all take a collective sigh of relief and relax (except for those who are braving our stores).

Enjoy!