Are You A Fake?

Talking to my wife at breakfast today, she mentioned bumping into a good friend of ours that moved away a number of years ago.  We always liked him, but never his wife. Not that she was awful to be with — there was just something off with her interactions with us. We felt that we never saw 'the real' person. Her husband was great — open, honest, informative, and pleasant to be with. We just got the impression that she was critiquing us during our get-togethers and most certainly afterwards.

I think it comes down to authenticity. She wasn't authentic. She didn't let us see the real person — she kept a lot of her personality inside and hidden. When we spoke about meeting the husband to another neighbor, they also commented about the behavior of the wife.

First off — it's not a male/female thing — both are equal opportunity offenders. But you need to observe your behavior — here are some telling signs:

• You don't have many close friends. They don't call you to get together.
• You find that you aren't 'in' on many things at work.
• You are the last to hear about something important happening.
• At parties, people tend to shun you - or they at least keep you at a distance.

How to counteract this?

• Open up - let people know how you feel.
• Tell personal stories - this allows people to understand WHO you are.
• Comment openly - take their feelings into account, but be honest.
• Don't gossip. Don't spread rumors.
• Smile - look people in the eye when you speak.
• Ask people about their day, their work, their life.
• Act genuinely interested in their response.
• Ask if you can do anything for them.

On a scale of 1-10, 10 being totally authentic, and 1 being a total fake, where do you sit? What can you change to be a bit more authentic?

How To Energize Everyone You Meet.

I was speaking with one of my incredible clients last week and we began to touch upon how one delivers a powerful and memorable business encounter. What do I mean?

You know when you meet someone and they instantly energize you? Every interaction is not only a positive experience, but also a life-changing one? Where you walk away and say quietly to yourself, "Who is that guy/gal?" You find yourself shaking hands and realizing that you're getting more than you gave?

We've all met people like this. And many people have related that I make them feel that way. So I sat down over the weekend and tried to dissect exactly what I do when I meet people (for the first time and even subsequent meetings).

The best part is they become instant acolytes and customers of YOU. That's a good thing.

It can be broken into four distinct areas:

1. Energy

Summon up the forces within you and exude copious amount of energy when you meet someone. Enthusiasm, vibe, electricity . . . whatever you want to call it . . . you need to grow it within you and then focus it on the person.

A smile, a hearty handshake, a quickness to your step — much of it initially is body language. Focus intently on the person and look them in the eye while you smile.

Talk a bit faster when you first meet and really pound your language with active tones, "REALLY glad to meet you Tom . . . I can't think of a more BEAUTIFUL day outside!"

2. Authenticity

This one is key — many people feel it's what you know or who you know that makes you stand out and successful in today's marketplace. Although they are important, I feel to truly succeed, you need to exude authenticity.

Simply — speak and act truly about your own feelings, thoughts, and desires. Don't hide behind a facade or mask — people can smell it a mile away.

Be yourself — show others who you really are and what you can do. You'll find you will be instantly accepted for being authentic — a rarity in today's business world.

3. Connectivity

Take a concerted interest in the other person — ask questions, listen to their answers, and then interject with follow up questions/builds.

An example: "So where did you go to school? Ripon College? In Wisconsin? I went to Ripon College too! What year did you graduate? Did you know Joe Bestul? Who were your favorite professors? Isn't this AMAZING?"

Try to CONNECT with them — ask loads of questions and find areas of shared interests which will bind you together. Once you make the connection — trust follows.

4. Destiny

Don't leave any interaction, meeting, lunch . . . anything . . . without next steps. If it's a brief encounter — set up a lunch or coffee. If it's a meeting — what will you do for them?

Ensure any interaction has consequence — and hopefully where you provide something for THEM. In doing so, your relationship will broaden, expand, and get stronger.

Try to offer up an emailed article, an introduction, a strong referral — something to make sure you walk away giving more than you received. That's important.

What other areas might I've missed that you find critical to a powerful interaction?