How Not To Get Angry On The Job.

"I've had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you're carrying a grudge, they're out dancing." - Buddy Hackett We all get angry. It's normal.

The real question is WHY we get angry. As I tell my clients, to be happy, we need to have a certain amount of control in our lives. Not totally, but we have to have a handle on many situations to ensure that we don't go quietly insane.

Unfortunately, things do go a little out of kilter. And our natural response is to get frustrated. That's normal — something is knocking us out of our normal routine or belief structure and our body/mind reacts with frustration.

A typical example are KIDS. If you come home and the family room is a mess, you are immediately out of control (a clean room) and you react with frustration. A lot of parents (me included) might move right into anger and yell at the kids to clean up the room.

The same thing happens at work. A client, a vendor, a team member or your boss capriciously changes the project, agreement, or decision and promptly you are out of control, accelerating into frustration-land and anger is right around the corner.

How do you solve this? When you feel control ebbing away and you start to feel frustration, stop for a second and embrace the feeling. Don't zip right into anger — try to leverage the part of your brain that solves problems.

What you've really been thrown is a problem. Work is made up of problems. Your job is to solve these problems. This is just one more problem you need to solve. Take the emotion, your ego, out of the equation. Recognize it for what it really is, a problem that needs a solution.

Because the minute you get angry, you really lose control and it takes you farther away from getting back in control. Take your kids — you can yell at them — your blood pressure rises, they are scared/resentful, there is acrimony in the air, etc.

If you pull back and start directing them to clean up assertively (no anger), you'll find dutiful helpers who actually clean the room - no acrimony, no high-blood pressure.

Focus on getting back into control at work — solve the problem. Here's an added benefit — people notice when you don't get angry or fly off the handle. They pay attention when you are composed in chaos and deliver alternative solutions to solve the problem.

That's the difference between good and great leaders.

What techniques do you use to get back into control?

Are You Throwing Happiness Out The Window?

Lately, a lot of people feel 'stuck' in their life. Why?

• Because of their past decisions leading up to the present.
• Because of the possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• Because of the economy.

This is what I call "Not Living In The Present". Why? Let's look at the three reasons again:

• PAST GUILT: Past decisions leading up to the present.
• FUTURE FEAR: Possibility of jumping into another terrible position.
• DISPLACED ANGER: The economy.

Past Guilt

Blaming actions in the past that you feel are affecting the present. You are currently not feeling 'adequate' to attempt to jump to a new job because of your past failings, lack of knowledge/experience, or some other situation that might have happened to you.

Solution: You can't do anything about it. Stop frustrating yourself because of things that have happened in the past and start dealing with the qualities, experience, and talents that you currently have. Make a list - you will surprise yourself.

Future Fear

Being scared of the future may be real to you, but in reality, a waste of your time and energy. Why? You are predicting the future . . . if you knew exactly what was going to happen, go buy a lottery ticket. We hold ourselves back because we are insecure of what 'might' happen and we begin to concoct elaborate stories in our head to make them real.

Solution: Deal with your anxiety about the future — start making a plan based on reality and move from fear back into a strong secure place in your head and life. Sit down and map out specific goals you want to accomplish and those activities and tasks that will get you there. Add a timetable and you are done!

Displaced Anger

Blaming other people or forces about your misery is a common practice with many of my clients. Because of the marketplace, the economy, your clients, or a crazy boss, you are eliminating all ability to take control of the situation. There are always other options to any situation, unfortunately, we tend to throw them out the window and begin to blame things we cannot control.

Solution: Uncover, understand, and focus on the things you CAN control. Start breaking down your frustrations with outside forces and other people and begin to see opportunities that were hidden from you. The best way to do this is to state your situation, come up with alternatives, and brainstorm options, no matter how crazy or outlandish they are. You'll find that some of these options quickly turn into opportunities.

Start living in the present. You will be much happier and have abundant energy to change where you are NOW.

Want to keep your job? Be happy.

Study shows that a bright disposition helps workers navigate darker times. By Becky Fleischauer

Does the recession with its rampant layoffs and cutbacks make your job look better all the time? Believe it or not, donning a pair of "recession goggles" can be good for your career and your mental health. Research shows that an attitude of gratitude in trying times can not only help you keep your job, but get you the job you want.

It's a counterintuitive concept, for sure. In today's economic maelstrom, the most common responses are panic, fear, anger, distrust, and even hostility. But a Harvard Business Review article "How to Protect Your Job in a Recession" studied the characteristics of recession survivors and found that those who avoided being cut were cheerful, likable, generous contributors, and not necessarily the most skilled and proficient.

"Just don't be the guy who's always in a bad mood, reminding colleagues how vulnerable everyone is. Who wants to be in the trenches with him?" caution authors Janet Banks and Diane Coutu.

Workplace relationship expert Courtney Anderson agrees, and observes that tolerance for bad actors – particularly those higher up the food chain – is shrinking.

"The handwriting is on the wall for them in a lot of organizations," says Ms. Anderson, founder of Courtney Anderson & Associates, a human resources firm in Austin, Texas. "When times are good, companies will tolerate a lot. But in this economy, every single decision is double- and triple-checked. It will be tough for the really poor managers to make it through,"

This could explain why the ax is falling higher up the management chain. Companies are looking to save more money, and bigger salaries yield larger savings. Today's unemployment rate for college-educated workers, 4.1 percent, is the highest it's been since the US Bureau of Labor Statistics began tracking the data in 1992. It is more than twice its prerecession level, according to the Center for Economic and Policy Research, putting the risk of being unemployed proportionately higher for college-educated workers than for less-educated ones.

When productivity is in decline, Anderson says, other factors gain more value in the decisionmaking process about who stays and who goes. "I used to go to organizations," Anderson says, "and they would describe a horrible situation: 'Felicia curses people out, she yells and is mean, but she delivers.' They would want me to figure out how to keep the person and be flexible because the person delivered. Now, with the current macroeconomic picture, they won't put up with it. There is a financial opportunity to get rid of the people who create problems."

Anderson says corporate leaders are now placing more value on workers who add positive energy to the atmosphere beyond increasing sales and visibility. She says that includes placing those who are grouchy and unpleasant on the layoff list, but also the person who never says anything, the colleague who is invisible and flies under the radar.

"All variations of not contributing and making it a positive, efficient workplace are being considered," Anderson says. If striking a cheerful pose in tough times doesn't come naturally, consider that it does require conscious effort. And even the act of trying to be happy can make a difference.

"If you stay positive, you'll have more influence on how things play out," advise Ms. Banks and Ms. Coutu. Banks is a veteran of at least a dozen corporate downsizings, and Coutu has studied resilience in many settings. They say survivors and those who leverage layoffs to their advantage focus on anticipating the needs of customers and those above and below them inside the office.

During periods of numerous layoffs, vacuums occur at all levels, leaving many opportunities to help your boss and the company get more accomplished. "Prove your value to the firm by showing your relevance to the work at hand," Banks and Coutu note, "which may have shifted since the economy softened."

The key to donning recession goggles is to make decisions you won't regret when the recession fades and more prosperous times return.

"We should affirm to ourselves each day why we are doing what we do," Anderson says. "If you are truly, truly miserable, even in a bad economy, you may be better off doing something else: taking a break, going back to school, or working part time. It's valid to ask ourselves: 'Do I enjoy this? Why am I here?' Reevaluate."

She reminds us that if you find you are in a job exclusively for the paycheck – that is, uh, OK. It is a superb reason to go to work and be satisfied in this economy.

"You can still go to work and have a good day," Anderson says. Especially pay day. "Bad times remind us all of the basics.... We shouldn't take things for granted."