Are You A Habitual Pushover? Guess What -You Probably Are.

Own a business? Do you have money collection issues? Manage a team in corporate? Are you missing deadlines?

You probably are a PUSHOVER. Let me explain.

Our natural instinct is to try to please, to perform or to get along with others. Sometimes, when we encounter someone with a stronger personality, we tend to bend our own rules to accomodate their needs.

I frequently mention with my clients the practice of looking at behaviors on a spectrum. For example, if you have a spouse/partner, one of you is probably a hoarder and one of you is probably a tosser. One throws away everything and the other saves everything. Hopefully, neither of you are at the extreme ends of the spectrum, but you are definitely not at the same point.

It's the same with being a pushover. At one end of the spectrum is a tree that bends with the slightest wind and at the other, a hard-ass SCROOGE who demands the last penny owed to them. Some of you might be at one end (the Scrooge) who demands all payment up front or pushes their team mercilessly to beat every deadline.

And you're probably not at the other end of the spectrum never billing a client or missing all of your deadlines.

But you're somewhere in the middle. And I guess, you're closer to the pushover than the Scrooge. Here's how to think about it.

The middle of the spectrum is THE PROFESSIONAL. That's where you want to be. Someone who moderates their decisions and actions based on the situation. Most of the time, you're the professional, handling projects and billing your clients.

Sometimes though, you will have to move slowly to one end or the other of the spectrum. With certain situations, you might give your team an extra day to complete their project successfully or allow a good client to pay you one week later. Other times, you might have to come down hard on your team to hit that deadline or bill your client in full prior to any more work can be accomplished.

You're not the hard-assed Scrooge or the Pushover — you're just being a Professional.

So next time the situation changes for you or your team, realize you can move up and down the spectrum to get what you really want.

5 Ways To Spread A Little Warmth.

It's a cold world out there. One thing that always works for me is to share a positive, enthusiastic attitude.

Whenever I feel down, or when things aren't going my way, I try to instantly turn that around with a smile, a fun comment, or a positive action. Most of the time it works and as I do it, it becomes infectious, and bounces right back to me. So . . .

• Email - Instead of replying to a snarky email, call the person up and get them to level with you.
• Boss - Come in Monday with more energy and positivity than you've ever brought to work . . . ever. See what happens.
• Clients - See how you can add just a little more pizzazz to every interaction. Call them unexpectedly and get their feedback.
• Colleagues - See how you can help them. Givers gain.
• Subordinates - Give them one of your higher-end projects. At first they might not like the additional work, but when they see the level of the challenge and the exposure to other people, places, and things, they will thank  you.

As I stated from the start, the world is a cold place, so these tips might not work. So here's some advice — try one (or more) of them, if they don't work, you've probably run into one of three types of individuals:

• Temporarily Bitter - Something has got them down. If your first attempts at changing their perspective fail, ask what is really keeping them down. Most of the time they will open up (which in and of itself helps) and allows you to spread some real warmth. This is your 'warmth' sweet spot.
• Situationally Bitter - They hate a certain situation (their boss, their job, money, their clients, their life, their spouse/partner, their family, etc.). Attempt to help them, but you're treading in a minefield. Your warmth might be received as a shallow ploy to get something out of them. But it doesn't hurt to try.
• Permanently Bitter - As I learned as a small child from the man who works on power lines: "Stay away, Stay alive." These are people that go through life spreading their angst, annoyance, and turbulent attitude to everyone they meet — they act like Ebenezer Scrooge without the epiphany. Unfortunately, these people need a lot of work and you have to decide whether you want to spend an inordinate amount of time investing in their transformation — and it usually doesn't work. Unless they are really close to you, it's better to find more appealing surroundings.

I find the more that you add warmth to every interpersonal interaction, the more you make the world a better place and enhance your reputation. Try it.

By the way, if you are really interested in being more positive, check out this book. It was given to me by my good friend and fellow coach, Steve Cary.