4 Tips To Say "NO" and Make It Stick.

Telling someone 'No' is one of the hardest actions (even for an accomplished leader). Here are some strategies to help you make it easier:

1. Is it right for the company?

This was always my first hurdle with any major (or minor) decision with my colleagues or clients. Many suggestions or requests usually have a focus — do they ultimately benefit your company or just the person requesting the decision?  You'll find if you look through that lens, the balance is skewed more towards personal advancement and less towards the company as a whole. One way to send them away is to have them skew the balance much more in favor to the company.

2. Is it right at this time?

You're not saying 'Never', you're just saying 'Not now'. As a leader, things come at you fast and furious.Many people, many decisions — some requests are good, some are not so good. Your people are energized and built to deliver instantaneous decisions to problems they see in their universe. Their solutions might take on additional cost, resources, and people. Sometimes you just have to say 'Not now'. By putting it off for future consideration, it allows the problem to sometimes fix itself or go away and allows you to teach an important lesson to your colleague — not everything needs fixing immediately.

3. Acknowledge their request.

Sometimes, people just want acknoledgement. They want to feel listened to and special. So give them the stage. You can ask questions and have them walk you through their thinking — understand what is involved, and the who, where, when, and how. As they broaden your understanding of the strategy, it makes it easier for you to either accept it (because it's a good idea) or pick it apart (because it's a bad one).

4. Don't take on too much responsibility.

You do not want another monkey on your back (check out this great HBR article I recommend to all of my clients). Many times, when colleagues are asking you to say 'Yes', it usually entails some added responsibility on your end. Some deliverable, some oversight, some action which adds to your workload. When this happens, try to turn it around and never let the monkey get on your back in the first place. Most of the time, when you don't accept any responsibility for the decision, the idea goes away of it's own accord.

Or sometimes you just have to come out and say NO.

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P.S. Do you have a hard time saying NO? Let’s talk. I’ve coached thousands of executives who need to change the dynamic — call or email me to schedule a complimentary session.

How To Say No.

It's one of the hardest things to do in business.

If you're an executive, you never say no to your boss and you're afraid to say no to your peers. Your team, it's easy — except if you're a pushover.

If you run a business, you never say no to your clients and you're afraid to say no to your vendors/distributors. Your team — again, pushover.

But using the word 'No' effectively puts you in the driver's seat — it allows you to make faster decisions on what you have planned to do. If you let someone else pop in with a request, change, or demand and it throws off your plans — it's frustrating.

So here are some proven techniques to say 'No':

• Say 'Not Now'. You're not saying 'No', you are acknowledging their idea/direction, and you probably see the reason behind the request. But you just can't do it NOW. "Let's look at it in a few weeks, months, and hopefully years." Because most requests have a tinge of self-esteem built into them — you have to keep it up while letting them down easy. "Susan, I have to say, this is an incredible idea. I am blown away you spent a lot of time on it and I want us to take it forward. But, not now. We are in the middle of launching our new nuclear-powered client service system and we just don't have the focus or manpower to do it at this time. Do you see where I'm coming from?"
• Say 'Yes', but with stipulations and the ability to change it radically. Some ideas have merit and some have a little spark of genius wrapped in a ball of unimportant busywork. First, give them acknowledgement for a great idea and say 'Yes', but then dissect their suggestion/demand and pick out the parts which really have merit. "Tom, I see where you're going with this and I'm really interested in accelerating this one small section ASAP into our project line. Are you up to running it? By the way nice work. We can then review the rest and see what is feasible moving forward."
• Say 'Yes', but change their request around so it better suits you and the direction you're traveling in. Often, bosses, peers, clients, and even your team try to throw ideas or '180° turnarounds' to slow you down, jumble up the works, or stop progress entirely. Sometimes they do it unwittingly and sometimes with malice. In any event, you need to acknowledge their tennis serve and return it back with a lot of spin on it. "Igor, your idea of moving the development team to Fiji is well-thought out — I am intrigued by your idea of moving the team to get better work out of them. Your strategy of mixing up the work environment is a good one — let's redecorate their offices."
• Say 'No'. There are times when you just have to say 'No' and take the consequences. But let them down gently and quickly — again, a lot of their self-esteem and work is bundled up into the idea — and it will take a major hit. Take their emotions into account but follow your 'No' with FACTS. Refer to why you can't do it and what elements are out of your control, etc. "Fritz, I'm going to have to pass at this time on your idea. It's not that it's bad, I do see some hard work here, but for this company at this time, I will have to say 'No'. Do you understand where I'm coming from?"

When have you had to say 'No'? What happened?