Are You Married To Your Job?

Many clients, when making a major decision about their career, find themselves in a highly conflicted paradox. Based upon all the facts at hand, they want to leave their current job and move to another position at a new job. Simple right?

Not so fast. These clients begin to throw self-made obstacles in their way to discourage, upset, and impair their successful future move.

Why do they do this? Many times it's because they feel a close bond with their current boss, their team, or their company. In fact, any attempt to move forward with their search produces intense feelings of infidelity, like they are cheating on their spouse or significant other. They're doing something 'behind their back'.

A recent example — When going to lunch with a director of another competing firm, you might feel obligated to tell your boss about it, so there are no repercussions. Now why would you want to do that? Many people would feel that it's the 'right' thing to do.

Bottom line, it's none of your boss' business. Unless you are revealing deep company secrets to the other party (and you're not doing that) — no one needs to know, be informed, or get a heads-up about a potential meeting. Why do people do this? Because they feel a certain kinship or marriage to their current company. I've actually heard, "It would be the right thing to do."

The way that I address this as a coach is to take the white elephant from the corner of the room and place it smack dab in the middle of the conference room table.

• "Are you in any way, shape, or form, married to your company?" NO!
• "If given the opportunity and the circumstances were right, would your boss let you go without a second thought?" YES!
• "Then why do you feel that you need to care about them?" I DON'T KNOW — I JUST DO!
• "Do you feel when you meet people for lunch, interview with a recruiter, or pass around your resume, you are 'going behind the back' of your boss or company?" YES!

Why does this happen? Because you've spent a long time with your company and you've developed deep emotional bonds with your team, peers, superiors, clients, support staff, etc. When you make the decision to move, you suddenly feel that you are deceiving them  almost 'cheating' on them. Couple that with an intense feeling of self-worth loss if and when you do leave and they really don't miss you. By the way — that actually happens. They move on.

So when you feel this way, really investigate your fears — odds are they are just misplaced emotions that are holding you back.

Have you ever felt this way when you made the decision to look for employment elsewhere in the marketplace?

5 Ways To Be Happy.

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” - Unknown Too bad we'll never know who originally said this great quote. A little secret . . . this is one of my mantras in life. Let's think about it:

1. Stop complaining about your job. Start doing something about it. Take steps to make it more challenging, more interesting, more fun. Step out of your comfort zone and ask your boss for more work. Try to stretch yourself and speak about a new, strategic idea that might impact the company. Do something that changes your work dynamic — and see if that makes a difference.
2. Stop complaining about the economy. Many people today are making big bucks again. Go find them and see what they are doing. Copy them. Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is crazy — start benchmarking other successful behaviors and you'll slowly become successful. In the process, you might run across a person that you might want to hook up with that will demonstrably change your perspective.
3. Stop complaining about your marriage. At one time, you loved your spouse or partner. Find out why and focus in on those elements. You both have changed but take the time to fall in love AGAIN. Spend more time together, take little walks, go to dinner, get to know one another again. You might surprise yourself. Just open your heart to your spouse - that's the secret. Again, take the time to fall in love again.
4. Stop complaining about money. You have two choices, make due with what you currently have or change the game and make more. If you have to make due, go visit this site (http://almostfrugal.com/) or this site (http://zenhabits.net/the-cheapskate-guide-50-tips-for-frugal-living/)- they're the best. If you need to make more money, investigate if you have the ability for a raise at your current level. If not, you need to change the game and move laterally, up, or leave your job altogether. Another suggestion is to start doing something on the side that will make extra cash. I still remember meeting an older couple at a bed & breakfast who told my wife and I (we were newlyweds) to always have a side job that brought in extra income. They took old grape vines, twisted them into wreaths and sold them at craft shows - it paid for a very comfortable retirement.
5. Stop complaining about life. Life is made up of options and choices. Most of the time, people who are disappointed about life have limited their options and sometimes make the wrong choices. So, to make your life a little bit better, figure out how to expand your options and make more educated and informed decisions. Unless you're in prison, you always have options and choices — just broaden your perspective.

Get the pattern? Stop complaining about something in your life and start doing . . . take action and change it!